How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

Please help me come up with positive, healthy, nonaggressive or bitchy ways to respond to my MIL who every few conversations throws in that she is "waiting for a grandchild".

Even before we started TTC in June, I have said SEVERAL times that we would have a baby in a few years. I've only said it because she always asks. I have even said things like, I just started a new job so we'd like to get through the first year first before we even consider anything. I have even said, we just got a puppy and in a couple of years when the dog calms down we'll think about it. These explanations have come well after I've said to her, it's a couples decision, etc.

Yesterday, she went as far as to say, "you know...it's never a right time...sometimes couples over think it and..." blah blah blah blah...

Here's what I was thinking... FU MOFO!!! WE JUST DROPPED OFF A SEMEN ANALYSIS ON F'NG NEW YEARS DAY. WE'VE BEEN DOING IT NONSTOP SINCE JUNE AND NOTHING..YOU SELFISH, NOSEY, ANNOYING WOMAN!

Please help me!!!! I'm getting to the point where I'm going to turn around and say, it's none of your freaking business!!! TIA

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

It depends on your relationship with her and your personality.

There's the honest approach : "We're trying, but we've run into some problems. Please allow us our privacy as we handle them."

There's the snide answer : "Sure, but only if you promise to pay for their college tuition."

Or you can always just say what you're thinking: "FU MOFO!!! WE JUST DROPPED OFF A SEMEN ANALYSIS ON F'NG NEW YEARS DAY. WE'VE BEEN DOING IT NONSTOP SINCE JUNE AND NOTHING...YOU SELFISH, NOSEY, ANNOYING WOMAN!"

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It will be ok.

Message edited 1/2/2010 8:59:12 AM.

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

Posted by TheDivineMrsM

It depends on your relationship with her and your personality.

There's the honest approach : "We're trying, but we've run into some problems. Please allow us our privacy as we handle them."

There's the snide answer : "Sure, but only if you promise to pay for their college tuition."

Or you can always just say what you're thinking: "FU MOFO!!! WE JUST DROPPED OFF A SEMEN ANALYSIS ON F'NG NEW YEARS DAY. WE'VE BEEN DOING IT NONSTOP SINCE JUNE AND NOTHING...YOU SELFISH, NOSEY, ANNOYING WOMAN!"

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It will be ok.

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

ugh - i have no advice, just . im in the exact same boat. everyone, MIL/FIL, grandparents, my parents, friends..... everyone keeps asking ..i keep blaming it on DH saying whenever he's ready - since thats what we've said for years. he doesn't mind getting the blame either. in my head whenever they ask i just think "we're trying here, its not as easy as you think."

not to mention that everyone i know got pregnant either by accident or right away.. even my close friend who is in a same sex relationship got pregnant on her second donor sperm IUI....

here's to our BFP's in 2010!

Message edited 1/2/2010 9:26:11 AM.

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

I'm in the same boat. I usually laugh off all the comments but when I get home, I'm always annoyed. It's like hello, do you really think we're not trying at all?

When one parent/in-law, says something about a grandchild I say you already have one and point to my dog who is a year old.

Message edited 1/2/2010 10:52:14 AM.

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

I never managed to find a good way to handle these comments - eventually I asked DH to tell her to stop asking. I didn't want to share our issues with her, but I needed the questions to stop and I think his asking her to stop asking gave her a clue. Of course that didn't stop her nosy friends from inquiring every time I saw them, which was not often, but frankly, they were worse so I started telling them that each time they asked, they were adding a year to the plan. You'd be surprised how well that worked.

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

I have the same issue. Basically this is how it went.
ME:"When it happens it happens"
THEM: "Well dont stress about it."
ME:" I know thats what they say, but everyone keeps asking and that doesnt really help, you know?"
So far its gotten the conversation to be kept btwn my mom and FIL. DH just told me my mom cornered FIL on xmas eve asking whats the deal with us.

Good luck, I know its hard. I even have my friends MIL asking every time she sees me. Nosy Nosy lady she gives me suggested positions and where to do it.

OMG I wanna say keep it to yourself lady.

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

THEM: "Well dont stress about it."

that's my favorite. My one friend always asks me how it's going (she knows we're TTC) and when I tell her that my LP is too short, and all the other gory details she tells me I need to relax. I'm like "You asked!?"

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

THIS IS WHY I LOVE THIS BOARD!!! Thank you girls for your advice. It's nice to know that a) I can vent and not feel like I'm the only one (not that I want you girls to be going through this either!) b) that I'm not crazy..heheheeh

I will take your advice and see how it goes. I'll keep you all posted

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

I hear you on this one!

I went through the same exact thing when DH & I were dating for many years before getting engaged. Family kept asking when we were going to get engaged ... its like, how the heck am I supposed to know when he plans to ask me?! I'd tell them to ask him!

We've been getting questioned about it, and I have been getting then "grandchild" pressure from my Mom since before we were even married

Someone on LIW posted this a long time ago, and I love it!

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

I'd have your husband handle it. He should tell her that her comments are really an issue.

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

All I can say is

how can people not know any better??

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

when people say it to me , I say we are trying very hard , we actually just tried upstairs in your bathroom , i make jokes it at least makes me laugh , sorry people are arseholessssssssssssssssss

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

When my MIL comments, I tend to ignore it or leave the room. People are rude and don't understand that you can't just snap your fingers when you want to be prego and you get that BFP. It is already a stress and the added comments don't help!
But I think the FU MOFO approach might work better

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

Posted by FlowerWife

Posted by DSLaff

when people say it to me , I say we are trying very hard , we actually just tried upstairs in your bathroom ,

im totally using this one next time!!

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

I have no suggestions for non agressive/non b!tchy ways. I would say Well I'M just waiting for you to stop saying that. You'll get a grandchild when we feel like giving you one!

DH should really talk to her, not you. He needs to tell her that you (as a couple) will have kids when your'e ready and her constant nagging (there's probably a better word to insert here) is not gonna move things along any faster. She needs to be put in her place (which is NOT in your bedroom or your uterus) EVERY time she brings it up so you should both come up with some kind of catch phrase that you use to shut her up and hopefully, the negative reinforcement will make her give up.

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

I try to laugh off any comments about "getting the itch," or "when are you guys going to have kids?" but sometimes it's too hard to shrug off. Yesterday I finally turned to someone and said "it's not as easy as you think."

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

And ps-I would just say "so are we" and leave it at that.

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

Since it is your DHs mom, I would have him say something. I would nip it in the bud since it is hurtful to you.

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

We were ttc but no one knew. For some reason, my MIL felt the need to tell everyone under the sun that we were going to have a baby the next year.

According to her, "everyone" was asking her. We both (dh and I) that it's not anyone's business and not to say anything to anyone anymore.

Was she pi ssed? Hell yes.

Did I care? hell no!

IMO, you need to tell her straight out to myob.

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

I would say something to your husband and let him handle it.

Re: How to handle, "I'm just waiting for a grandchild"???

ur DH needs to tell her to lay off and tell her what you guys are going through and that shes making it worse.

It came to the point where I told people I HATED children thats why we dont have any or I just blurted out WHAT IF I CANT HAVE CHILDREN...

and then i said DH's semen is too weak and cant swim..just to piss people off!

Soon I got prego..and then I told my inlaws how we were trying all the time and it didnt happen and how horrible it was to hear everyone put pressure on us by asking all of the time. The felt like sh_t

Dont hold back the fact that you are trying to anyone..you can tell people you are trying....

Message edited 1/4/2010 10:34:50 AM.