Stopping at one child?

After a lot of soul searching, we might be stopping at one. It's been a tough decison to make and we did try for #2 (due to IF we've been trying since he was born plus had 2 FET's), but I really feel like moving on is the best decision for us and I'm starting to love the idea of being a family of 3.

However, the comments I get when I suggest we are done having kids are out of this world!! I mean DS is only 15 months so I guess I'm at the peak of "when is 2 coming along" questions, but when did it become such a crime to have one? I'm going to have to lie from now on... I can't handle the comments!

Anyway, just hoping to hear some positive stories about having one. It seems like having 2+ is the norm these days and I just don't know if thats in the cards for us.

Re: Stopping at one child?

Very likely we're done also, and my DS is 15 months too. Age is the primary reason, I had ds at 41, am 42 now, so while the window of opportunity is still there, it's closing rapidly :) We really are ok with it, I know this kid will not be lonely, he has tons of cousins and friends his own age, and 2 parents that love him. We are blessed and lucky to have him, and if we have a second great, if not, I feel BEYOND satisfied with just us 3 too The best answer I've found for the well-meaning #2 inquiry is "well it's really in God's hands" - this is particularly effective if you smile sweetly and shrug

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You know you've got my support with whatever decision you guys make

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Nothing is 'normal' these days. We aren't sure about another as I had a horrific delivery with DS and nearly died. I have had 5 surgeries since and have my (hopeful) last one in a few weeks. I am not sure we will ever have another. I don't even answer when people ask when another is coming. With our IF, who the hell knows if we'd even be successful if we tried?

It's something only the two of you can figure out on your own.

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It really hard to say you are one and done to people, even if you are confident in your decision

I have heard it all ("you are young", "every pregnancy is different", and the one that upsets me the most "you have to give DS a sibling" )

Anyway, I think that having one child is fantastic, as is being a family of three

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It's so annoying that people feel they have to say that all the time. I guess it's just natural conversation fodder. Don't people get that it puts pressure on the person you suggest it to?

It's always something...when are you gonna get married...when are you gonna start a family....when are you gonna have #2...how many kids are you gonna have...

I feel your pain! You do what makes you happy and ignore the comments!

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my dd will be 3 in March. We are very happy as a family with only one child. Although a few people asked us about having another early on, I cannot remember the last time that anyone asked... hopefully if you give it a little time, your questioning will end too!

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You'll be the 3 muskateers!! I think its GREAT!!

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I think it's great. Im a high school counselor and one of my students is an only child. Her and her parents are sooo close and she told me they are like the 3 musketeers (she was 17 when she told me this)

I cannot stand when people put their 2cents in!

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We are done. Even though we always thought we'd have 2, we just don't know if we could handle 2- and neither of us has the itch to have another one.

Having only one child will definitely raise its own set of challenges, as does having 2, 3, 4 or 19. But most of the only children I've known in my life have been successful and happy people- that comforts me. And even though DD is not yet 3, I have that "three musketeers" feeling too- that the three of us have everything we need.

I just smile, nod, and think, "you're nosy and annoying, so shut up."

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I totally know what you mean. Dh and I have always said we'd only have one and I can't stand the comments people make about it. As if it makes s difference in their life anyway. Too many people just butt in where they don't belong

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We are stopping at one as well, and the comments are unbelievable. We are older parents too, so I often hear about some 50+ year old woman who just gave birth to twins--I'm guessing most people assume we aren't going there since we are older.

Age, health issues, marital strife, all very good reasons for not having more, and that is why we are stopping. But I tell people we are happy with our one child. That's it, I don't feel I need to offer explanations, especially since most of these comments come from people who don't know us well.

Don't feel bad about your choice--I do not believe people should have more just so DC has a sibling necessarily. Everyone's situation is different and you need to do what is right for you.

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We go back and forth too and the comments are awful. It ranges from, I would like a niece/granddaughter, to how can you let DC be an only child, etc....

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i couldn't even imagine being pregnant at this point in time , let alone already having another one at this very moment...

my toddler is about to turn 2 and is such a handful. he is very good, but sooooo active, a ball of energy, gets into everything, very stubbon...which i know is perfectly normal...

but the amount of running around i do and how much attention he craves/requires...i couldn't possibly focus on another...

maybe when he is older..

and i never thought i'd feel this way....most people seem to have kids within a 2 or 3 year range..but this is not gonna happen i don't think.

and i give immense credit to anyone who does it!

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I am definitely stopping at 1.. My DH wants one more but he does not help me one bit so the writing is on the wall.. I am a one baby woman and a one dog woman,, We are wll very happy !!

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People will always have comments! I have two boys...two VERY difficult pregnancies...two with bedrest, two NICU stays ..you get the point...and now if I tell people I am done they say noooo you will have more....I feel like saying really did you go through it??? jerks

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We are in the same boat right now - with our financial issues it would be irresponsible having another right now. It is heartbreaking

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My Mom is an only child. She had a wonderful childhood.

Back then, families with only one kid were very uncommon. So my grandparents were the recepients of many thoughtless, nosy and rude comments/questions. Their reply was always: "our family is complete and we are very blessed".

My Mom said she never felt lonely, has tons of cousins and friends who are like siblings to her. She had an amazing connection to her parents. She is self-sufficient, not spoiled one bit, and is quite confident.

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Megan, I think whatever you decide you'll be happy. Gavin is obviously well loved!

Not having been in your shoes, I have to ask - would you ever be comfortable telling people who ask "We tried and we can't"?

I mean, it's such a personal decision, whether you choose to have no children, one child, or 20. And I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't always conscious of how rude I was being when I asked people about their childrbearing plans I think if someone had put me in my place pre-LIF that might have been a big wake up call!

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Posted by headoverheels

Megan, I think whatever you decide you'll be happy. Gavin is obviously well loved!

Not having been in your shoes, I have to ask - would you ever be comfortable telling people who ask "We tried and we can't"?

I mean, it's such a personal decision, whether you choose to have no children, one child, or 20. And I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't always conscious of how rude I was being when I asked people about their childrbearing plans I think if someone had put me in my place pre-LIF that might have been a big wake up call!

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We have only ever wanted one...and I've told friends and family that but it doesn't stop people from asking. Right now DS is only 10 months old and when they tell me, "oh, the next time you'll have a girl" or "almost ready for another one" I usually just smile and don't really say anything. It stops the conversation and I don't have to explain myself.

I am peferctly content with one child and know that I can give him everything.

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Thanks EVERYONE for your replies, I really appreciate it.

Posted by headoverheels

Megan, I think whatever you decide you'll be happy. Gavin is obviously well loved!

Not having been in your shoes, I have to ask - would you ever be comfortable telling people who ask "We tried and we can't"?

I mean, it's such a personal decision, whether you choose to have no children, one child, or 20. And I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't always conscious of how rude I was being when I asked people about their childrbearing plans I think if someone had put me in my place pre-LIF that might have been a big wake up call!

Re: Stopping at one child?

Posted by colette

Very likely we're done also, and my DS is 15 months too. Age is the primary reason, I had ds at 41, am 42 now, so while the window of opportunity is still there, it's closing rapidly :) We really are ok with it, I know this kid will not be lonely, he has tons of cousins and friends his own age, and 2 parents that love him. We are blessed and lucky to have him, and if we have a second great, if not, I feel BEYOND satisfied with just us 3 too The best answer I've found for the well-meaning #2 inquiry is "well it's really in God's hands" - this is particularly effective if you smile sweetly and shrug

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please don't let people's comments influence your decision. I'm expecting # 2 and already DH, my parents, and DH parents are asking for # 3 and really pushing the issue. I can not believe the pressure I am receiving to have # 3! I just tell people I do not want 3 children, and it's hard for them to acccept.



I was really considering having one. My pregnancy was awful, sick the whole time, on bedrest for 9 weeks. Everyone was pushing me telling me that every pregnancy is different bla bla bla. well this one is just as bad, except now I have a 15 month old to take care of as well.

Message edited 12/21/2009 9:29:17 AM.