Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

It's not bad at all to only want one child, but for me, I have a sibling and while he was a PITA growing up, I wouldn't have had it any other way!

Although I am hesitant right now to have another, for the above reasons, I definitely want to give my son a sibling.

And I WILL go on record as saying my mom is an only child and she can be a real pain, and I attribute that to her being spoiled and getting everything she wants and forcing her opinions on everyone.....

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I am leaning towards having only one (check back after I discuss this more with DH! )

So I don't think having only one is bad at all. At the moment I feel so stretched, having to work, and commute, and not having as much time as I want to be with DD. I really wonder if I could have another and still be the kind of mom I want to be. My age is also a concern- I am 37 and am just not ready at the moment. So I have some time but not a lot.

I have to say, nearly all the only children I've known in my life have been happy and well-adjusted. I will have to work harder to make sure she's close to her cousins and other family members, but I would have no problem doing that.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

Posted by KeithHernandez

Posted by headoverheels

my reasons for wanting more children are purely selfish - i love being pregnant, i love babies,

sup nadya....

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

Posted by headoverheels

Posted by KeithHernandez

Posted by headoverheels

my reasons for wanting more children are purely selfish - i love being pregnant, i love babies,

sup nadya....

14 kids maybe but NOT all at once

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

Posted by KateDevine

Personally, I think it is a crap shoot either way. I mean, yes, it is great to have a sibling as my parents get older, but she is leaving the county in the Spring, so not really. DH's grandparents had FIVE wonderful children, only ONE takes care of them in their old age!

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

Nothing wrong with it. FOR ME...my resoning would be bc I want there to be someone out there for dd when I am gone. Friends come and go family is forever. I do realize that is not true for EVERYONES family but for mine it is.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I feel like DS will be lonely if I don't have another child. Kids with siblings wake up every morning with someone to play with, Only children don't. I really want DS to have a sibling close in age.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

Posted by KateDevine

Personally, I think it is a crap shoot either way. I mean, yes, it is great to have a sibling as my parents get older, but she is leaving the county in the Spring, so not really. DH's grandparents had FIVE wonderful children, only ONE takes care of them in their old age!

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

What's wrong with having an only child? Nothing if that's what you want. I didn't want an only child. I wanted 2-3 children. If you're asking me why I wanted siblings for my child, off the top of my head:

I wanted my child to have to share parents.

I didn't want all of my focus to be on one child. I think it's a huge responsibility for one child to carry - being my everything. I want them to feel they are the center of my universe but not my universe.

I wanted my child to have some other person in the world that gets the family dynamic & can say "You know how mom is" and have them get it. Sure as an only child, your closest friend can get it too but think it can be one of those "I can say something about my mom but you can't" scenarios. I think having sibling feedback about the dysfunction that happens in every family is helpful.

There is no guarantee that your children will love each other when they get older, that they'll band together to help care for elderly parents, that they'll take care of each other if they're needed, etc. But there is no chance of it happening either if there is no sibling at all.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I just think it's nice to have some family to be there always especially in the GOOD and BAD times. It's not bad to have an only, I just love having siblings and can't imagine not having any.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I'm an only child and look how I turned out....

don't answer that

Seriously though, for me, being an only child has its advantages and disadvantages. Definitely not a bad thing

The advantage and disadvantage was that I was an am the sole focus of my parents' attention. That was cool while I was a kid - if I wanted something when I was a kid, I usually got it (within reason of course). There was no sharing of attention.

Problem now is, I'm all they have - so when it comes time for them to get sick and eventually pass on, it all falls on me to deal with. I wanted any children to have a sibling that could share that task.

Also, the sole focus of attention thing gets old as you get older. My parents are OBSESSED with my comings and goings - I get calls when it rains to wear my gloves and hat and to take an umbrella; when I take a business trip and I get off the plane, the first call is to boosh, the second call is to my parents.

Plus, we live across the street from each other, so if my car isn't there when they go by, and they didn't know I was going out, I'll be asked where I went.

All minor things and I'd rather have them be caring than distant, but I can't help but think that they wouldn't be so focused on me if I had a sibling.

Message edited 2/26/2009 11:51:46 AM.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I don't think it's so bad. I have 3 and sometimes wish I had only 1. (I kid! I kid!) My one nephew is an only child and there are so many things my SIL can afford bc she only has one vs. trying to do it with 3. ie, $200 private ski lessons, $6K summer camp, $9K private school, signing him up for whatever extracurricular activities he wants, college savings allocation.... my nephew has a huge future dreams fund. And the vibe of their their house is so much more relaxing that my daily chaos. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world but sometimes, especially when you have a high maintenance situation, I wish I had more time to focus on one child.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I don't think having one child is terrible at all. I'm an only child - and it definitely had it pluses! My parents took me on all their vacations - so I have been on several cruises, as well as several European vacations and other trips that most of my friends who had brothers and sisters never got to take. My parents also paid for my undergrad degree and law school - something I can't say would definitely have happened if I had a brother or sister. So there are definitely pluses to only having one.

Now having said that - while I loved all the attention I got I honestly wished I had a brother or sister. I really appreciate it even more now when I watch friend and other family who have siblings have family to gtg with. I have my parents and that is it. My cousins live in Texas so I only see them every like 5-10 years. When my parents and grandmother pass on I won't have any family. That was why for me I really wanted DD to have a sister or a brother so at least she will have some family as she grows older.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I am an only child and I missed having a sibling as a child and honestly, as an adult I wish I had that relationship with someone. I want my DD to have a sibling... that being said, I do NOT think it is a bad thing at all. My parents chose to only have one child and I was a happy child and am a well rounded adult-
So, I wouldn't say it is a good thing vs bad thing, just a very personal decision.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I don't think its horrible to have 1 child. You can spoil them to death..lol
I was raised as an only child and the only thing I can tell you from my perspective, is it's very lonely!
I would like DS to have a sibling so they can play together and be friends. Plus, it was a little sad on all holidays just me and my parents. I want to have a house full of kids on holidays!

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

Thank you for all of your responses...honestly.

I have one more question...

If you are an only child and your mom told you when you asked for a brother or sister that could not have another child biologically or via adoption due to health issues, would growing up knowing that about your mom change your perspective? I mean I am NOT telling my almost 3yr old that now, but when she is 8 or 10 maybe she could handle it and know that we really wanted to give her a sibling, but I felt that me being alive for her was more important than taking a HUGE risk in getting pregnant again. I hope that she can see that when she is older.


I guess, when I read these responses it is hard for me. Just knowing that no matter what we do to shower her with love and affection, play with her, give her what we can, in the back of my DD's mind she will grow up wishing for a sibling as most of the only children on the thread responded in that way. It is hard to read it, hard to see it and really difficult knowing that she will always long for the one thing I cannot give her. I just hope when she is old enough she can understand.

I hope you all of you with more than one child know EXACTLY how incredibly blessed and lucky you are. I am blessed that I have my DD and that she is healthy, vibrant and smart. I treasure her. She is by NO means my universe, neither is my DH...that is TOO much of a burden for ANYONE to bear, except God IMHO. So I focus on my faith, my health, being a responsible, loving parent and wife. Yet sometimes there is a void there, a piece of my heart that is missing, and that piece is the laughter and love of another child.

Thanks again for all the responses.