Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I have read numerous threads on wanting to have more children b/c the parents do not want their first child to be an only child.

To each their own, BUT why is having only ONE child so horrible in the eyes of some parents? I honestly want to know. Not looking to start drama here. Just wanting to know.

I mean is there some research out there that says only children commit more crime? or spend more time in therapy than the average adult when they get older? Are they socially behind children who have siblings? I am just curious as to why people feel the way they do about it.

Honestly, no drama intended. I am just interested in seeing why people feel they way they do about it.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

Some people feel that an only child might be lonely, I guess. I'm probably only having one and I have given this a lot of thought. I think I can give my child lots of great experiences whether he has a sibling or not. I don't buy into the argument about him being spoiled because lots of spoiled kids do have siblings. There is no relationship that is exactly like a sibling relationship but there is no guarantee that siblings will ever have a good relationship anyway. It's all about how we raise our kids, regardless of how many we have.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I don't think having one child is a "horrible" thing, but just from my perspective, my father is doing all he can to take care of my grandparents right now, but he himself has recently had 2 strokes and a seizure. He is stressed out about it and has noone to bounce ideas off of. I know when my father got sick, my brother, sister, and I did shifts helping my mom and dad. I don't want my son to have us as only his responsibility. I know that kinda sounds selfish, but seeing my father go through it is tough.
However, if life turns out that my son is it, I am still happy because he is absolutely wonderful!

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I guess I think about the longterm, not just for my child, but also for myself. When I envision myself old and hobbly, I like to envision lots and lots of children and grandchildren surrounding me. Part of that is a vestige from my family and DH's family history - we are direct descendants of holocaust survivors, and because of the holocaust, we both have ridiculously small extended families. I never had first or second cousins growing up, nor did DH. And yet, my closest friends had such large extended families, and had such a sweet, close bond with so many people in their family - it made me jealous to be quite honest.

Having gone through what I've gone through in taking care of my sick father, and feeling very alone and lonely in what I've been through, I just don't want to see any of my children struggle in the way that I have, and feel lonely and alone at this stage of life. It may be naive, but I think having siblings gives you a sense of security and dependency during the really difficult times, particularly difficult times with family.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

for me, I am super close with my sister. I could not imagine being an only child. FOR ME, I know that I want at least 2 children

I do not think you are doing your child a disservice by having only one but for me, that is not ideal

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I think it is ridiculous when people make an issue out of it. I was an only child because my mom was unable to have anymore. She would have wanted more but that was not in the cards for her. I had a very happy, wonderful childhood.

I, however, did not want only one child. I did not feel lonely growing up, but now at 34. I see my friends having siblings to rely on, have their children grow up together and helping one another with aging/sick parents. I feel lonely in that sense now. But that is my experience.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

Excellent question Dina.

DH and I are both the youngest of 6 kids.

DD will be an only child - that's what happens when you start late and then have IF issues to boot. I take her to all different places, and expose her to other children, lifestyles and cultures. I think she will be just fine.

My favorite niece happens to be an only child.

ETA - to answer your question - I don't think it's a bad thing at all!

Message edited 2/26/2009 7:37:26 AM.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

Posted by dandr10199

I have read numerous threads on wanting to have more children b/c the parents do not want their first child to be an only child.

To each their own, BUT why is having only ONE child so horrible in the eyes of some parents? I honestly want to know. Not looking to start drama here. Just wanting to know.

I mean is there some research out there that says only children commit more crime? or spend more time in therapy than the average adult when they get older? Are they socially behind children who have siblings? I am just curious as to why people feel the way they do about it.

Honestly, no drama intended. I am just interested in seeing why people feel they way they do about it.

Message edited 2/26/2009 7:59:33 AM.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I don't think there is anything wrong with having an only child if that is what you want. I think though if you want more children and there are outside forces stopping you ie: DH, IF etc it can be upsetting and leave someone very disappointed.

Personally I want atleast 3 but with my MS an issue we'll be lucky to have one more without major consequences.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

my reasons for wanting more children are purely selfish - i love being pregnant, i love babies, and i am loving watching my son grow up.

would i love for him to be close to all of his siblings? sure i would. but i was not close with my sisters at all growing up, we actually fought like cats and dogs, and i turned out just fine.

if i found out tomorrow that i could never have any more kids i would be upset - but for myself, not for DS. i don't think there is anything wrong with having one child.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I feel bad for my son because he doesn't have a playmate... and he WANTS ONE so bad... But he'll probably be like 10 or 11 by the time I have another child...

Just how life worked out. I always wanted a few children close in age, but my life went in a different direction.

I don't know what it is like to be an only child. ALL OF MY MEMORIES include my sister & brother and I guess I want that for him.

On the positive side, my son is much more independent than other kids his age who have siblings and he keeps himself entertained very well.

I don't think being an only child is a BAD thing, I just wanted the same experiences I had for my son, b/c mine were so wonderful...

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I don't think there is anything wrong with having one child. I am one of three and on many occasions, I wished I was an only child ( ).

I don't think having more than one kid is a guarantee that they will have the close relationship we all hope for-I know many people who do not get along with or even speak to their siblings.

I also don't think that having more than one lessens the burden of caring for elders (i.e. me and DH). My mom is the youngest of five and by and large the care of my grandmother fell to her. I know the the care of my mom will fall to me and the care of DH's parents will fall to us (though he does have a brother).

We've tossed around the idea of DD being an only child and all that we could provide for her, etc. We've also thought about how lucky we are that she is so healthy and happy and would we be so lucky with future kids?

Ultimately, we've decided we want more children because that is just how we picture our family. I think that is what it really comes down to.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I'm an only child and I'm not in therapy nor do I commit crimes

I loved being an only child so I don't think anything is wrong with it at all. I just always saw myself having more than one child.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

i grew up as an only child. it was always, who can i play with today... who will we see?.... i didn't want that for my kids, so there are 2 of them. i wanted them close in age so they could play, but due to major medical for me and my first, they are almost 5 years apart. also, when we get older and the kids are taking care of the paretns, i think its easier to have someone else to rely on. its a big burden for 1 person. but if you are happy with 1, thats fine, and your choice. i was not happy being the only one growing up, so i chose not to do that to my kids.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I dont think there is anything wrong with at all and I have many friends who are only children who live healthy fulfilled lives.

However, I have 2 brothers and they mean the world to me. My memories of growing up with them are priceless. So, since I am physically able to, I want to give DS a chance at that same memory.

As long as you have at least one child this day in age I think its a blessing

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I personally am an only child. I want more than 1 child because I was very lonely growing up. I had no family close in age (my closest cousin is 6 years younger than me). My parents also sheltered me a lot (which they say was due to me being an only child...however, would that have changed with a sibling, who knows?) If I can one day give my son a playmate and the chance to have a bond that I was never able to experience, then great. If not, I'll be more than happy with just him, b/c there are also many good factors to being an only child!

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I always tell people that my sister was the best gift my parents ever gave me. The idea of having just one was never an option. DH and I agreed on definitely 2, maybe 3. I also have a little brother who I'm extememly close to. My day is not complete unless I talk to both of them.

Another reason is that I want my kids to have each other to help each other when DH and I grow old. I watch my mom and her siblings (7 total!) work together to provide care for my grandmother. Her health is declining and she's needing lots of medical care/procedures. I cannot imagine what it would be like if my mom was an only child.

Finally, I loved being pregnant and having my babies. The newborn part is , but once through that period, it's a true joy. Watching my daughters discover and enjoy one another has been unbelieveably rewarding as well.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

Message edited 2/26/2009 9:31:25 AM.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I think its your own personal decision and there are lots of reasons why parents have only one child. I know for me growing up in a large family I wanted DD to have a sibling - if only to complain about her parents to when she is older!!

One of my best friends from school was an only child and she longed for a sibling -she spent most of her time at my house because I had lots of siblings to share! When her dad died it was really tough on her as she felt she had to shoulder all the responsibility for her mom and that continued up until last year when her mom passed away - she said numerous times to me when her mom was sick how she wished she has a sibling to share the pain and frustrations with.

Another of my good friends tried for years to conceive and was blessed with one little girl and that was it. She is now 7 and has been asking for her mom to give her a sibling since she was 3. It breaks my heart as every time I am there with my dd she pleads with me to let my dd stay for a few days. But this is out of her parents control and she will hopefully understand when she grows up.

They are just examples of my direct insight into parents with an only child. I am sure there are plenty of people out there who were an only child who loved it!

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

For me, personally, DS has no one really in his age group in the family - not even close. I want him to have someone else there, not only now, but later on in life also.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I am not an only child and my sister and I are extremely close. My best friend is an only child and we have been like sisters, also, but she has always told me she wished she had a sibling growing up.

I will (God willing) have at least 2 children.

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

I am an only child and I can honestly say it's been a love/hate thing for me...

I love that I am so close to my parents, and that they were able to give me things that they might not have been able to if there were multiple siblings...But, I remember many a Christmas asking for some game, having it appear under the tree and then having no one to play it with...And now, as I have gotten older, I wish that I had a sibling to share things with and to know that I would have help when my parents get older...

I have always said that I wanted at least two children. Partly because I want DD to have the experience of a sibling and partly so I could see the sibling dynamic first hand...But if it isn't in the cards for us to have another, I am okay with that too, as I can see how I'll be able to give DD maybe just a bit more than if we have two children to support....but I did love being pregnant, and I would really love to do it again...

Re: Sorta Spinoff...why is having an only child a bad thing?

Nothing wrong with it if that's what you want for your family. I personally could not imagine having only one child, it's just not the family I imagined. I love coming from a big family and hope to give my kids the same feeling I had when growing up.