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Message edited 9/7/2008 10:24:39 PM.

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

YOu are soooo not wrong! If you don't want her there, your dh should understand. DH has to understand that you come first. Your DH probably feels caught in the middle. If your dh doesn't know what to say to her, just tell his mother that they only allow the two of you in the room.

Good Luck!!!

BTW, I had a similar situation for my 1st sono. Although I love my MIL immensely, I just wanted it to be the two of us. I remember DH feeling torn.

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Message edited 9/7/2008 11:36:53 AM.

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Oh, he*l no!! You poor thing!! I think you're just going to have to lay it out on the line for him. Maybe instead of giving him the reason that you dont want HER there, that you want it to be private and special for the two of you, the parents?

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

I hate to say this but I would reschedule to a day when he would NOT be aware and go alone. I am sorry but I just would not want my memory of my level 2 ruined in anyway. If your DH won't listen to you, that's the only thing you can do...sorry to say, that's just MO.

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Posted by Goobster

I hate to say this but I would reschedule to a day when he would NOT be aware and go alone. I am sorry but I just would not want my memory of my level 2 ruined in anyway. If your DH won't listen to you, that's the only thing you can do...sorry to say, that's just MO.

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

She sounds like a nightmare-- I am so sorry you have to deal with that.

I would put my foot down and say no way can she come. I would be SOOOOOOOOO ****** at DH if he did that to me-- inviting people without my permission, regardless of how I felt about them. I don't get how he could have thought you'd be ok with that.

If he needs an excuse-- then just make something up like you thought you could have more than just your DH there, but now they said no one else can be in the room-- blame the doctor's office for not informing you correctly.

Oh, and rip DH a new one.

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Hey Marie...."It aint easy being green" Oh I remember the stories from wedding planning!!!

You have every right to be upset, not even because of the circumstances you are under, but because he asked without your permission.

Dr. Visits are very special and important. It is your time to bond with your baby, husband and healthcare practitioner. A LOT of information is passed back and forth and the last thing you need is a distraction.

The only questions i have: Is YOUR mother invited? IF she is planning on coming than I can see Brian wanting his mother there as well, even though we know that our mothers are more important to us.

I suggest you let things cool, I know you have a few weeks until your 20 week ultra sound and when you are both calm have a conversation about how this is a very special experience and moment and how you want to share it with just the two of you and your baby!

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this crap!

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

You are definately NOT wrong !,,,Whether she was the sweetest psrson in the world or the Wicked Witch of the West, if you want it to be just the 2 of you, then thats how it should be !.....Maybe you could explain it in the way, that you would like for it to be just the two of you and thats its not fair to your other family members etc....I know my OB's office lets us bring a video tape and they pop it in the sono machine- maybe you could do that and have her over to watch it after its over , if DH feels it would mean something to her- Good Luck, try to convince him, this is a once in a lifetime thing and you should have nothing but good feelings surrounding it

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Posted by Blissful



The only questions i have: Is YOUR mother invited? IF she is planning on coming than I can see Brian wanting his mother there as well, even though we know that our mothers are more important to us.

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Posted by mpetretti

Posted by Blissful



The only questions i have: Is YOUR mother invited? IF she is planning on coming than I can see Brian wanting his mother there as well, even though we know that our mothers are more important to us.

My mother has been at the 2 previous sonos and was also going to be invited to this one as well, even though her and I both agreed that maybe it should just be me and Brian at this one. The thing is my mother doesn't cause problems and isn't an embarrassment. He knows how his mother is and he is the first to say that she is an embarrassment to herself. Brian is also very close with my mother (prob even closer than his own mother), where he knows I can not stand her. Just hearing her voice makes me cringe!

What really makes me mad is that he invited her without talking to me. If we would've discussed this beforehand I might have considered it under the stipulation that we talk to her 1st and let her know that there will be NO talking at all since we need to pay close attention and hear anything and everything the sono tech says. BUT he didn't ask and now she thinks shes coming and its turned into a huge fight over here.

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Posted by mpetretti

Posted by Blissful



The only questions i have: Is YOUR mother invited? IF she is planning on coming than I can see Brian wanting his mother there as well, even though we know that our mothers are more important to us.

My mother has been at the 2 previous sonos and was also going to be invited to this one as well, even though her and I both agreed that maybe it should just be me and Brian at this one. The thing is my mother doesn't cause problems and isn't an embarrassment.

NO talking at all since we need to pay close attention and hear anything and everything the sono tech says. BUT he didn't ask and now she thinks shes coming and its turned into a huge fight over here.

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Posted by Blissful

Posted by mpetretti

Posted by Blissful



The only questions i have: Is YOUR mother invited? IF she is planning on coming than I can see Brian wanting his mother there as well, even though we know that our mothers are more important to us.

My mother has been at the 2 previous sonos and was also going to be invited to this one as well, even though her and I both agreed that maybe it should just be me and Brian at this one. The thing is my mother doesn't cause problems and isn't an embarrassment. He knows how his mother is and he is the first to say that she is an embarrassment to herself. Brian is also very close with my mother (prob even closer than his own mother), where he knows I can not stand her. Just hearing her voice makes me cringe!

What really makes me mad is that he invited her without talking to me. If we would've discussed this beforehand I might have considered it under the stipulation that we talk to her 1st and let her know that there will be NO talking at all since we need to pay close attention and hear anything and everything the sono tech says. BUT he didn't ask and now she thinks shes coming and its turned into a huge fight over here.

I totally agree with you that he shoudl have asked and that she is a complete embarrassment and PITA......


THe only thing I was thinking is if you say as your argument "I just want it to be the two of us" and that way he can't argue about your mom coming. And tell him the Doctors rule is only you adn the husband in the room because it is small and the tech doesn't want a lot of people talking.

It sucks that he invited her without telling you. Maybe he just got excited and wished that his mother could be normal and in a moment of insanity opened up his big mouth ans asked her to come......UGhhhh MEN!!!!

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

I hope it goes well Marie!!! let him cool off and revisit the topic in a few days!!!

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Posted by mpetretti

Posted by Blissful

"It aint easy being green"

I Just saw this and almost lost it!! You remembered- HAHAHA!!

IMAGE

IMAGE

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

ugh! sorry marie! this sounds like a tough situation! i think the only way around this one is to just have her come along HOWEVER!!!!! HOWEVER, you and Brian make sure you have some alone time the first 5 minutes of the sonogram and then call her in for the last few minutes..

Just have her wait in the waiting room and tell her that you will have the nurse call her in in a few minutes.. i mean, she cant dispute that. she has no idea what could be going on in the room.. for all she knows, you could be in stirups having and exam....

so, discuss with your dh prior and hopefully you guys can agree on that atleast...
have the first few minutes alone with you, your dh and the tech and then call her in. and tell the tech before hand that you plan to call your PITA MIL in during the last minute or so.....

hth!

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Posted by hunnybunnyxoxo

HOWEVER, you and Brian make sure you have some alone time the first 5 minutes of the sonogram and then call her in for the last few minutes..

Just have her wait in the waiting room and tell her that you will have the nurse call her in in a few minutes.. i mean, she cant dispute that. she has no idea what could be going on in the room.. for all she knows, you could be in stirups having and exam....

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Posted by Goobster

I hate to say this but I would reschedule to a day when he would NOT be aware and go alone. I am sorry but I just would not want my memory of my level 2 ruined in anyway. If your DH won't listen to you, that's the only thing you can do...sorry to say, that's just MO.

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Posted by Goobster

Posted by hunnybunnyxoxo

HOWEVER, you and Brian make sure you have some alone time the first 5 minutes of the sonogram and then call her in for the last few minutes..

Just have her wait in the waiting room and tell her that you will have the nurse call her in in a few minutes.. i mean, she cant dispute that. she has no idea what could be going on in the room.. for all she knows, you could be in stirups having and exam....

MIL doesn't sound rational enough to deal with this suggestion. I can see her causing a scene in the waiting room....what do you say, Marie?

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

You are not wrong at all. I would not want my MIL there if she was like that. Try to remember that this is your body going through this and you are in control. I would kill my DH for inviting his Mom and we get along. I think that this is your choice. He is going to have to call her back and tell her that you both want to go alone.

I know this might sound bad, but I would tell him that sometimes they dont let other people in the room and that you are going to call the office to double check that other members of the family are allowed to be in the room while they are doing such an important sono. Then I would actually call the office and ask right in fron of him and no matter what they say act like they said no one else is allowed in.

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Posted by Goobster

I hate to say this but I would reschedule to a day when he would NOT be aware and go alone. I am sorry but I just would not want my memory of my level 2 ruined in anyway. If your DH won't listen to you, that's the only thing you can do...sorry to say, that's just MO.

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

I'd be p1ssed.
I'd tell my dh, if you think she's coming with us to the sonogram, then I'm going alone. You want this to be a special time with the 2 of you.

Re: WWYD plus a MIL vent- Help (Long)

Hey Marie, I wonder if this is a "compromise" that can work -- run it by DH... Go to your 20 week with DH, tell MIL its rescheduled or you can't have more than 1 guest, or whatever. THen make an appt for a 3d/4d sono around 26 weeks which she can join you for. Since this isn't a medical procedure, its just for fun, it wont matter one bit if she's a pain in the arse, because you won't be missing any important information. You also don't have to be because they're not doctors, and you won't see them again for the rest of your pregnancy!!!

My 3d/4d was really cool, it lasted over 30 minutes so there's plenty of "face time" with baby! I think she'd enjoy being part of that and you and DH might be able to relax a little???

If DH won't go for that, I would SERIOUSLY work with the sono facility and talk to someone there ahead of your appointment - let them know MIL has 'issues' and can they help you if she gets out of line - i.e., will they let the tech send her out of the room if she behaves badly? In other words, make a 3rd party the 'bad cop' not you or DH!!!

Good luck, I hope it helps, and I agree with the other ladies above, this is a VERY IMPORTANT visit, you need to pay attention, so its really not helpful to MIL there, I hope DH will compromise...