Invalid topic.
| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: [1] 2 |
suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
|
POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
Thoughts?
Message edited 7/5/2007 5:35:34 PM.
|
Posted 7/5/07 10:18 AM  |
| |
|
Dani
Life is about choices.
Member since 5/05 6532 total posts
Name:
Dani
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
what i learned from going through my divorce was silence is the best thing...no matter how badly you want t clear things up! good luck, i know how hard this must be! 
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:22 AM |
| |
|
baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
I voted no, you give what you get, because it seems to fit this situation.
I'm usually an advocate for being the bigger person, but there are some people who will be enabled by that generosity, and it looks like she is that kind of person.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:23 AM |
| |
|
Tracey
***********
Member since 5/05 6297 total posts
Name:
Tracey - brideinapril
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
I ususally take the "silence is best" approach.
When I would want to scream my head off - or even speak my mind in a nasty way- I usually keep my mouth shut, which in turn usually makes me the bigger person, since whoever I'm dealing with looks like a fool to everyone else.
eta: I just wanted to add though after taking it and taking it - like you've had - I think to recieve such an invitation to an event of hers - was just asking for a remark like you made - I don't think you were out of line at all.
Message edited 7/5/2007 10:27:17 AM.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:25 AM |
| |
|
pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
wait, WHY did she even invite you? For a gift? NO way Jose, I think you were totally right. And registered mail? Who does that? So you couldn't say "I never got the invite" (not that you would, but that was most likely her reasoning). So are they saying you were supposed to go, spend your hard earned money on a gift for someone you don't even like and sit there miserably for 4 hours, just to make her happy? NO WAY! Sounds like she would have had something to say if you DID go anyway. Unfortunatley, I think this is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't situations.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:25 AM |
| |
|
KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
I voted to be silent. Because you declined the invitation the way you did it gave her to upper hand to tell everyone at the party how mean you were even though what you said didn't sound mean at all.. she's able to skew it to her advantage.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:25 AM |
| |
|
suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
Posted by baghag
I'm usually an advocate for being the bigger person, but there are some people who will be enabled by that generosity, and it looks like she is that kind of person.
Yes, she is that type.
Message edited 7/5/2007 5:35:49 PM.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:27 AM |
| |
|
suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
Message edited 7/5/2007 5:36:02 PM.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:29 AM |
| |
|
baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
Posted by suvenR
But, she saved my messaged and let other people listen to it. I knew she would do that, which is why I was extremely careful with my tone. BUT, lots of those other people are making it known that they think I was very wrong.
And, I just keep sitting here thinking- After everything she did to ME, how am I the bad guy now???
You aren't!
Those people will learn their lesson when they "wrong" her and she starts playing their messages for other people to listen to.
Message edited 7/5/2007 10:30:22 AM.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:30 AM |
| |
|
Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
Is your friend a child? Why do YOU need to be the bigger person. She can put her big girl pants on too you know.
I think you did the right thing. YOu told her you weren't comfortable and ended the friendship (or whatever you want to call it). She just screamed because she was probably embarrassed and didn't know what else to do....which is totally immature.
So no penalty on you. You saved yourself a headache from now on.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:31 AM |
| |
|
Tine73
Member since 3/06 22093 total posts
Name:
*********
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
Given your situation, I think you did the right thing, except I wouldnt have left the message. i would have waited until I could have talked to her in person.
BTW -who sendds an invite by registered mail?? what a weirdo!!
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:32 AM |
| |
|
suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
Posted by Stefanie
Wanna know who it was????
Remember "Jill"?
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:33 AM |
| |
|
suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
.
Message edited 7/5/2007 5:36:26 PM.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:34 AM |
| |
|
Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
I knew this person sounded familiar from reading your stories...
Refresh my memory...who exactly is Jill?
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:34 AM |
| |
|
Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
I say no. it's not always worth it.
especially if it's with the same person.
I deal with a venomous person in my life. for years I tried to take the high road. other people eventually saw the way that she treated me...and it actually became embarrassing for me b/c I felt that even though I was taking the "high road" I couldn't be proud of it b/c I wasn't defending myself.
since then I have decided that it's better to do what makes YOU feel better. sometimes it's taking the high road.
sometimes it's taking the road that leads your foot straight into the back of someone's asss.
people will always judge. anyone that knows you, will know that your actions, whatever they are, are justified. anyone else, don't bother with them anyway.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:35 AM |
| |
|
nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
Posted by baghag
I'm usually an advocate for being the bigger person, but there are some people who will be enabled by that generosity, and it looks like she is that kind of person.
I agree.
I think she may be able to skew a few people but in the end, most people know who is right in this.
I think it hits your mom harder because she's protective about how you are being perceived - more than likely by the Inviter's friends & family.
I think you did the "bigger thing" by not only telling her why you aren't coming but leaving an opening that you are mistaking her actions. (In light of recent events, you clearly aren't)
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:36 AM |
| |
|
suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
.
Message edited 7/5/2007 5:36:38 PM.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:36 AM |
| |
|
Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
Posted by suvenR
Posted by Stefanie
Refresh my memory...who exactly is Jill?
DH's now 37 year old cousin who was my BM from hell.
She's getting married. The invite was for her e-party.
DH told me to call and say "Don't send us anymore of your sh!t, we're not coming to anything for you."
So, that being said, I was even nicer than he wanted me to be.
Yup, now I know....like I said before....good for you.
Now, how can we get your MIL out of your life....hmmmm.... 
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:38 AM |
| |
|
SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
in your case, I would have handled it the same. get rid of this toxic person in your life. who needs that crap? 
Message edited 7/5/2007 10:40:09 AM.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:40 AM |
| |
|
suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
.
Message edited 7/5/2007 5:36:51 PM.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:40 AM |
| |
|
SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
and who the heck send an invitation out registered mail? 
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:41 AM |
| |
|
BlueDiamonds
mommy to 3 boys
Member since 2/07 3885 total posts
Name:
proud mommy
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
speaking from my own previous experiences, no you don't always have to be the bigger person and it's not always worth it.
i got major crap from people in my family about things that happened btw me and my brother (we are not speaking - initially his choice). but there was SO much stuff about the relationship that they didn't know. i didn't want to tell them all the horrible details just so that they COULD see my actions were justified. eventually, everyone got over it (especially when my brother started treating them badly) and they don't give me a hard time at all. so, don't worry about what people are saying. her true colors will come out eventually and people will understand why you left the message.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:43 AM |
| |
|
JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
I said NO, because there are always people who will never get it. I dont have the time in my life to be a better person with someone who is as ignorant as the day is long.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:45 AM |
| |
|
dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
and who the heck send an invitation out registered mail?
Right. Someone who is psycho enough to send out an invitation registered mail is going to turn anything I say or do into a big scene. I'd probably continue to politely decline all invitations, but I don't necessarily think you were wrong to handle it the way you did.
Message edited 7/5/2007 11:02:45 AM.
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:52 AM |
| |
|
nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: POLL: Is it ALWAYS worth it to be the bigger person?
Posted by suvenR
DH told me to call and say "Don't send us anymore of your sh!t, we're not coming to anything for you."
I honestly would have made your DH call if that's how he felt and it was his family. I don't get involved with DH's family stuff--I have him do the calling. I don't want to be made out to be the bad guy. You're going to be the enemy here and chances are DH will come out smelling like roses...
|
| Posted 7/5/07 10:57 AM |
| |
|
| Pages: [1] 2 |
