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cutie
LIF Adult
Member since 2/06 1893 total posts
Name:
Janine
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What would you do?
We have a wedding coming up and of course have to give a gift - and there is where my dilemma starts...
The bride and groom were both invited to and came to our wedding a few years ago. We received a card from them, but no gift and no check - a little weird, but not a huge deal. A few weeks later I get a call from the now bride to be asking me if there was a check in their card - I tell her no. She then goes on to say how embarrassed she is and there was a whole big mix up - okay, not a big deal I say. Well, needless to say, we never got a check.
Fast forward a few years later - it is now my baby shower, and she can't come. I speak to her afterward and she tells me that she already got me a gift and can't wait to give it to me. Well, that never appeared either.
I am not really upset or hurt about not getting a gift and I don't believe in "keeping track" of what others give me to give them the same, but at the same time, I don't necessarily feel that we should give what we normally would. I was thinking about getting an actual gift off of the registry instead of giving money, but it is a second marriage and they didn't register for much.
Please help - what would you do?
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Posted 6/19/07 3:40 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Shopaholic921
SUP..
Member since 10/05 5113 total posts
Name:
Brooke
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Re: What would you do?
Personally I wouldn't stoop to their level. If they are comfortable being classless and cheap so be it.. me.. not so much. I'd give what I normally give.
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| Posted 6/19/07 3:51 PM |
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angnick
Life is So Wonderful!
Member since 8/06 6663 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: What would you do?
i would probably give a gift card for about half of what i would normally give.
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| Posted 6/19/07 3:53 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: What would you do?
give what you can afford/would normally give.
Don't do the tit for tat thing. Two wrongs don't make a right.
bygones...
Message edited 6/19/2007 3:56:40 PM.
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| Posted 6/19/07 3:56 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: What would you do?
I'd give half of what you'd normally give or a gift off the registry. I don't see it as a tit-for-tat thing - they didn't give you a gift AT ALL. I just don't see the need to be overly generous.
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| Posted 6/19/07 4:02 PM |
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july06bride
I'm a mom!
Member since 5/05 3966 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by eroxgirl
I'd give half of what you'd normally give or a gift off the registry. I don't see it as a tit-for-tat thing - they didn't give you a gift AT ALL. I just don't see the need to be overly generous.
I agree
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| Posted 6/19/07 4:06 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by july06bride
Posted by eroxgirl
I'd give half of what you'd normally give or a gift off the registry. I don't see it as a tit-for-tat thing - they didn't give you a gift AT ALL. I just don't see the need to be overly generous.
I agree
me too
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| Posted 6/19/07 4:09 PM |
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tabrtm
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 1314 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you do?
I would give them $100. I usually give $250 for weddings.
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| Posted 6/19/07 4:12 PM |
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JenandMikey
life is good =)
Member since 5/07 4216 total posts
Name:
We're so blessed!
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
Posted by july06bride
Posted by eroxgirl
I'd give half of what you'd normally give or a gift off the registry. I don't see it as a tit-for-tat thing - they didn't give you a gift AT ALL. I just don't see the need to be overly generous.
I agree
me too
ITA!
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| Posted 6/19/07 4:43 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by eroxgirl
I'd give half of what you'd normally give or a gift off the registry. I don't see it as a tit-for-tat thing - they didn't give you a gift AT ALL. I just don't see the need to be overly generous.
I agree with this too.
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| Posted 6/19/07 4:50 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: What would you do?
what kind of message is giving half? It's the same as giving nothing. They will probably think it's off if you give a lower amt than they would normally expect. If you are looking for a reaction or a "see, this is what you get for not giving us anything" then do the half thing..if you want to do the "right" thing give what you would normally give.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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| Posted 6/19/07 5:14 PM |
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Jacksmommy
My love muffin!
Member since 1/07 5819 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by Blu-ize
what kind of message is giving half? It's the same as giving nothing. They will probably think it's off if you give a lower amt than they would normally expect. If you are looking for a reaction or a "see, this is what you get for not giving us anything" then do the half thing..if you want to do the "right" thing give what you would normally give.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
How do the people know u only give half? Honestly, I would give half of what I normally give too because normally I feel that I am very generous and half of that is a fine gift - but not overly generous!
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| Posted 6/19/07 5:16 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by ejm1219
Posted by Blu-ize
what kind of message is giving half? It's the same as giving nothing. They will probably think it's off if you give a lower amt than they would normally expect. If you are looking for a reaction or a "see, this is what you get for not giving us anything" then do the half thing..if you want to do the "right" thing give what you would normally give.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
How do the people know u only give half? Honestly, I would give half of what I normally give too because normally I feel that I am very generous and half of that is a fine gift - but not overly generous!
any gift is appreciated I'm sure, but why give half then? Why not give what you would normally give to wish them well? I just think it's taking the high road. Why even go to the wedding if you are so annoyed that you would compromise the gift? I think giving a lower amt because they didn't give you anything is just adding to the situation. I don't think it's worth straining a friendship/relationship further by being spiteful with the gift.
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| Posted 6/19/07 5:20 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by Blu-ize
what kind of message is giving half? It's the same as giving nothing. They will probably think it's off if you give a lower amt than they would normally expect. If you are looking for a reaction or a "see, this is what you get for not giving us anything" then do the half thing..if you want to do the "right" thing give what you would normally give.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
IMO, people who don't give other people gifts have no right to "expect" anything in return
Message edited 6/19/2007 5:25:04 PM.
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| Posted 6/19/07 5:24 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by Blu-ize
what kind of message is giving half? It's the same as giving nothing. They will probably think it's off if you give a lower amt than they would normally expect. If you are looking for a reaction or a "see, this is what you get for not giving us anything" then do the half thing..if you want to do the "right" thing give what you would normally give.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
I agree. If I was still angry/annoyed about not getting a gift, I would just skip the wedding altogether. If I am going to go, I would give what I normally give. It's just not my style to do otherwise.
Message edited 6/19/2007 5:36:27 PM.
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| Posted 6/19/07 5:35 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
Posted by Blu-ize
what kind of message is giving half? It's the same as giving nothing. They will probably think it's off if you give a lower amt than they would normally expect. If you are looking for a reaction or a "see, this is what you get for not giving us anything" then do the half thing..if you want to do the "right" thing give what you would normally give.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
IMO, people who don't give other people gifts have no right to "expect" anything in return
it's just the message you're trying to send. I would just not go to the wedding if I was so perturbed that I would give a lesser amt. There could be 100 reasons why a gift wasn't given. Also, just because you have a party doesn't mean you should expect any gift at all.
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| Posted 6/19/07 5:52 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by Blu-ize
just because you have a party doesn't mean you should expect any gift at all.
exactly. so why would the non gift giving couple expect anything for their wedding? if I normally give $200, how would they know that I am being "cheap" by giving $100. we had plenty of people give us $100 or less at our wedding.
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| Posted 6/19/07 6:03 PM |
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Bellaocchi
Hope Faith Love
Member since 2/07 5694 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by lvdolphins
Posted by eroxgirl
I'd give half of what you'd normally give or a gift off the registry. I don't see it as a tit-for-tat thing - they didn't give you a gift AT ALL. I just don't see the need to be overly generous.
I agree with this too.
I agree!!
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| Posted 6/19/07 6:21 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
Posted by Blu-ize
just because you have a party doesn't mean you should expect any gift at all.
exactly. so why would the non gift giving couple expect anything for their wedding? if I normally give $200, how would they know that I am being "cheap" by giving $100. we had plenty of people give us $100 or less at our wedding.
and maybe you thought that was low? So, my point is, the message you are sending is one that I wouldn't get into with them. I would either decline the invite or give what I would normally give. Two wrongs don't make a right. I can sleep at night taking the high road.
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| Posted 6/19/07 8:22 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you do?
I probably wouldnt have gone. But since you are I honestly would have to give half.
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| Posted 6/19/07 8:35 PM |
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JustJack
:)
Member since 2/06 2041 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: What would you do?
I wouldn't go. I don't think thats right to lie about getting you a gift. I would rather hear, " I am sorry, things are tight right now, we can't afford anything at this time..." Instead she lied about it....
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| Posted 6/19/07 9:18 PM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: What would you do?
If I were going to go, I would just give a regular gift.
We had quite a few people who didn't give us anything at our wedding, but I still gave them gifts at theirs.
The only thing I would take into account is that it's a second wedding for both so they probably don't need as much.
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| Posted 6/19/07 9:26 PM |
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mrswask
Pookie Love
Member since 5/05 20229 total posts
Name:
Michal
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by eroxgirl
I'd give half of what you'd normally give or a gift off the registry. I don't see it as a tit-for-tat thing - they didn't give you a gift AT ALL. I just don't see the need to be overly generous.
agreed
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| Posted 6/19/07 9:30 PM |
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leese
Sarge!
Member since 5/05 1965 total posts
Name:
Leese
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Re: What would you do?
I'd give about half.
To me, it's not about making things right. To me, it's not expending my own funds to people who twice didn't give me a gift.
I'd save my money to splurge on a gift to someone who has gone over and beyond for me or better yet, contribute to a charity- instead of them.
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| Posted 6/19/07 9:32 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: What would you do?
ok, so why half to those who would give half? How does that number quantify the situation?
Really, just looking for the point of view, not trying to be difficult.
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| Posted 6/19/07 11:03 PM |
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