Re: UGH I despise laziness.

Awww Nic. This must be really hard on you. Does he have health insurance now? That would worry me too if he is uninsured. To be honest, I think I would switch the wedding fund to something in your name only and not let him touch it. He can't take away your wedding because he is a lazy sh!t.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

honestly? and this sounds harsh, but there won't be a wedding if he becomes a permanent lazy sh!t.

He recently purchased the CUNY "sickness and accident" coverage through Queens College. He's covered through December.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

Message edited 9/18/2006 1:16:24 PM.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

IMO, the ability for each person in a marriage to contribute to that marriage is very important. That contribution can be financial (working) or not (taking care of home, child, etc...). However waiting for a job that may or may not come is not contributing to a relationship.

I am with you. I woudl be scared to marry someone who wouldn't get a job. I'm an attorney. If I ever lost my job, I would look for legal temp work, and then non-legal temp work and then just a job at Starbucks or something with benefits.

He needs to suck it up and get a job. Even if he "overqualified", he needs to contribute to your relationship. There will be times when everything will get a whole lot tougher. What if you had kids? He needs to put your relationship and future ahead of his ego and get a job.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

Thank you. I feel like it took 3 pages to fully explain my frustration.

I know I seem cold and b*tchy, but I'm out of options. I just don't know what will get through to him...I've never had this problem before.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

Ok I change my mind...5 months is crap.

I am overqualified for what I do and I do it because I am treated well and they pay me well.

You have to do what you have to do.

Step down? That's just ego talking. He's overqualified for sitting around watching daytime TV.

If he wants to lay around all day tell him to bartend at night.

Either way, he is not holding up his end of the bargain financially. Not fair. It's also taking a toll on you both emotionally.

He can't see himself doing anything but what he wants to do. Well, that's life, sometimes you have to do what you have to do even though it stinks and you don't want to do it.

Maybe it's time for the big get off your butt and do something or else talk.

Snap out of it!

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

JT went through something VERY similar before he got his current job. Then, when he was offered the job he has, he told me he didn't want it That was right before our wedding, like three weeks before. I told him take the job or we're not getting married. And I meant it. Needless to say, he took the job and loved it. Sometimes they need a swift kick to the cajones.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

....I've heard ultimatums don't usually work so well....

I just need a walk.
I'm feeling not-so-sick at the moment....considering heading down to Northport for some mental health.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

Posted by Shorty



....I've heard ultimatums don't usually work so well....

I just need a walk.
I'm feeling not-so-sick at the moment....considering heading down to Northport for some mental health.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

HAve a good time! yesterday I just walked around a fair in rockaway and just being in the sunshine helped me feel a lot better.

(In case you couldn't tell, Shorty and I are in very similar situations with our FH...laid off, having a hard time finding a job, wedding savings depleted, and FH not doing enough to get a job)

Don't get sick over something that's not in your control. Worry about what is in your control...

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

Nicole, I feel your pain. DH is currently not working and won't do anything about it. He graduated from law school in May and took the bar exam in July. Instead of doing a temp job until he gets the results in Oct, he is doing nothing. Every legal related job he applied to says when he gets his bar results to give them a call. So instead of just finding a guick temp job for a couple of weeks he's just waiting. It irks the he!! out of me. I know he's depressed about not having a job after graduation, but you know what at this point get over it.

I just pray for patience and understanding. I know he is relieved to be done with school and is anxious about his bar results, so I'm trying not to blow up at him. We'll see what happens in Oct.

Good luck! I hope something turns up for Rich soon.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

I've been there, not for 5 months, but I've been there.
I was at the point you're at after a month or so, so how your holding up so well after 5 months is amazing to me.

AND, if his Mommy thinks this is all well and good, than maybe SHE should deposit the $$ that's been taken out of your wedding fund.

I'm sorry, but if you are old enough to get married, you need to be old enough to support yourself.

Many to you!

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

I've been in a somewhat similar situation-my DH started his own business and it was VERY hard for a long time. I asked him to quit and it caused a lot of problems between us. He ended up going in with a partner and it's been great so far-things are so much better. However, my DH had a "dream" it doesn't sound like your FH does. I would definitely give him a swift kick in the azz and tell him to get moving. The only thing i don't understand is you guys don't live together right? So why are your finances entwined?

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

to you. I was in a similar situation with DH before we were married. He was laid off for several months and at a time became lazy and depressed, it was really sad, some days he wouldn't even shower or leave the apartment. After about 2 months of this, he realized he at least needed to get out of the house and started doing P/T driving for a car service. It honestly helped him get his motivation back and soon found a consulting job and other offers came after some time. I totally agree with you that 5 months is enough, and it is not fair to be using wedding money at this point, when he can get a job to cover his expenses. I would have a very honest talk about how you feel and would say come oct 2 he needs to be working somewhere!

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

to you!!

I would definitely play up the money card. 5 months is unacceptable. And I'm still not getting the whole "October 1st" thing. My district hires their perm subs like other teachers.

And for the record - most jobs that people take they are overqualified for. I have 3 different college degree and the highlight of my day was when my students realized that one-third was bigger than one-fourth .

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I dont think you sound harsh at all. Honestly if he's not looking for work I'd make him do:

all the laundry
the foodshopping
make dinner
clean the house, etc.

and if that didnt work - I'd cancel cable and tell him that you guys cant afford it. He cant sit around all day if there's no tv to watch.

5 months is a looooong time. to you.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

Posted by Elbee

It sounds like he is depressed

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

Posted by DandN

I'm sorry you're going through this. I dont think you sound harsh at all. Honestly if he's not looking for work I'd make him do:

all the laundry
the foodshopping
make dinner
clean the house, etc.

and if that didnt work - I'd cancel cable and tell him that you guys cant afford it. He cant sit around all day if there's no tv to watch.

5 months is a looooong time. to you.

Re: UGH I despise laziness.

he seems like he is in a rut right now.

he will come out of it, be there for him.

I hope this passes soon.