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wakemeup
Member since 10/13 1397 total posts
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by 2BadSoSad
I dont think being an intorvert and having a less social personality makes someone RUDE. I do think not trying to understand how someone can have the opposite personality traits as you and while not being rude is giving social cues that they dont want to chat can also be considered rude.
For the record, my kids play with other kids all the time at the beach or at the park, I do not chat it up with the moms just bc our kids are playing. I might ask how old they are, etc. But thats the extent of it.
Not being social and chatty is not the same as being rude.
Agree with this, so nice to know that me being uncomfortable with small talk and not liking to talk to strange people makes me rude.
FTR I have been in that situation - not knowing anyone in a new place. I made friends with people I knew I had things in common with, by being introduced by other mutual friends. I never made small talk with anyone at a park, ever, and I am perfectly happy with that.
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Posted 7/17/14 3:40 PM  |
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justbeachy
So close....
Member since 7/07 2900 total posts
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by wakemeup
Agree with this, so nice to know that me being uncomfortable with small talk and not liking to talk to strange people makes me rude.
FTR I have been in that situation - not knowing anyone in a new place. I made friends with people I knew I had things in common with, by being introduced by other mutual friends. I never made small talk with anyone at a park, ever, and I am perfectly happy with that.
When did this become about you? I never even remotely said that YOU were rude. You inferred from my experience that I consider all introverted or shy people as rude? I made it clear in a later post that I do not. It was an isolated incident. I'm not grouping together people and saying they - as a whole- are rude people....
This particular woman WAS rude. She wouldn't even look up when my DD or I said hello. Then walked away. Couldn't be bothered. There's a difference between being shy or awkward or introverted and going out of your way to be unfriendly. The later i consider rude.
And I'm glad you had mutual friends to help you make friends in a new place. Some people, myself included, do not have that luxury, and therefore have to find other ways to meet kids and adults. Silly me for thinking a public beach might be one of those places that my 'strange' self might meet someone.
Message edited 7/17/2014 4:03:42 PM.
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| Posted 7/17/14 3:49 PM |
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wakemeup
Member since 10/13 1397 total posts
Name:
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by justbeachy
Posted by wakemeup
Agree with this, so nice to know that me being uncomfortable with small talk and not liking to talk to strange people makes me rude.
FTR I have been in that situation - not knowing anyone in a new place. I made friends with people I knew I had things in common with, by being introduced by other mutual friends. I never made small talk with anyone at a park, ever, and I am perfectly happy with that.
When did this become about you? I never even remotely said that YOU were rude. You inferred from my experience that I consider all introverted or shy people as rude? I made it clear in a later post that I do not. It was an isolated incident. I'm not grouping together people and saying they - as a whole- are rude people....
This particular woman WAS rude. She wouldn't even look up when my DD or I said hello. Then walked away. Couldn't be bothered. There's a difference between being shy or awkward or introverted and going out of your way to be unfriendly. The later i consider rude.
And I'm glad you had mutual friends to help you make friends in a new place. Some people, myself included, do not have that luxury, and therefore have to find other ways to meet kids and adults. Silly me for thinking a public beach might be one of those places that my 'strange' self might meet someone.
I never ever said that YOU said that. I was quoting another poster who was referring to other responses, not yours. I was just trying to get you, and others, to see the other side of things. People like me are not trying to be mean, but just because we are shy or not extroverts doesn't make us rude.
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| Posted 7/17/14 4:06 PM |
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justbeachy
So close....
Member since 7/07 2900 total posts
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by
I never ever said that YOU said that. I was quoting another poster who was referring to other responses, not yours. I was just trying to get you, and others, to see the other side of things. People like me are not trying to be mean, but just because we are shy or not extroverts doesn't make us rude.
You are absolutely right!
I get it.
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| Posted 7/17/14 4:15 PM |
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KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
For the record, being an introvert does not make you rude. Ignoring a mother and her child who are simply saying hello IS rude.
And being an introvert does not give anyone an out for ignoring people who are just saying hi.
How freakin hard is it to just say "hello" back?! 
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| Posted 7/17/14 4:24 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by justbeachy
Thanks for the responses. I'm glad to know there are others out there who DO know how to be kind.
I get social cues. I knew right away she didn't want to engage with us. But my heart sunk when my DD just wanted to stay and play with her DD.
At some point, as a parent, I think you have to put on your big girl panties and suck it up for the sake of your kid. I never want to demonstrate rudeness in front of my own child. I might not gel with another mom, but if my kid likes their kid, so be it. (BTW - this isn't directed at anyone out there.... Just my feeling with regards to my situation)
I didn't want to be BFF's with this chick, just wanted my kid to play with another kid.
On a side note - after she walked away, she was on her cell phone the entire time, speaking ill about another mom she was 'friends' with, and ignoring her own child. I wasn't sorry after all. Ha!
While I would never be rude and likely chat if someone came up to me, I don't think there is anything wrong with someone not wanting to be bothered with small talk. Not everyone is social, some people might be looking forward to a little quiet time alone, who knows. I don't think she needs to suck it up and socialize just because the kids want to play together. The girls could still play together without the parents having to chat the whole time.
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| Posted 7/17/14 7:09 PM |
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Ballet46
LIF Infant
Member since 6/14 180 total posts
Name:
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by KGools
For the record, being an introvert does not make you rude. Ignoring a mother and her child who are simply saying hello IS rude.
And being an introvert does not give anyone an out for ignoring people who are just saying hi.
How freakin hard is it to just say "hello" back?!
Exactly. It is called manners. Introverts are typically ok when the other person is engaging them.
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| Posted 7/17/14 8:04 PM |
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Strawberry2468
It's summatime
Member since 3/09 4739 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by Ballet46
Posted by KGools
For the record, being an introvert does not make you rude. Ignoring a mother and her child who are simply saying hello IS rude.
And being an introvert does not give anyone an out for ignoring people who are just saying hi.
How freakin hard is it to just say "hello" back?!
Exactly. It is called manners. Introverts are typically ok when the other person is engaging them.
I'm an introvert, but once I'm talking to someone, I'm totally fine. It's probably b/c of people like this beach woman that I fear initiating a conversation  .
She was rude to not even look up. It's not like you invited yourself over her house for tea and crumpets!!
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| Posted 7/17/14 8:22 PM |
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Mags1227
Just a mommy ...
Member since 10/10 2665 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by 2BadSoSad
Posted by justbeachy
Posted by Mags1227
just because our kids are playing together, does not necessarily mean i have to engage with the mom though. i would be a bit freaked out if i got to the beach and a mom and her kid came up to us and were all "hi! want to play?"
My kid walked over. I followed. I didn't ask to play. My daughter just wanted to say hi.
I didn't expect to exchange snapchat pics and FB info with the mom. I just thought digging in the sand together wasn't such a big deal.
Sorry - just taken aback by your post. You would be 'freaked out' if someone said hi?!? Am I supposed to steer my kid away from other kids? Not be social and friendly in a new town?
No, but there is no reason you can sit back and watch them play, which is what I usually do. Ill shoot a smile over to the mom from where I am, acknowledge that our kids are playing together and let them play.
that's what i meant. my kid is very social and he loves everyone. i'm not like that. he'll play with other kids and i'll just smile at the moms and that's about it. i see no need to engage.
and from how it was described, it sounded like the mom just got there and both of you came up, your daughter to play, you to chat. yes that would freak me out. i'm not even set up yet and i'm already made to be social. in a situation where i was hoping that would be unnecessary.
again, i have nothing against our kids playing, but most of the time i prefer to be left alone. if we see each other again and again, i may get comfortable enough to strike up a conversation.
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| Posted 7/17/14 8:46 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by alli3131
Nope. I work FT so when I am at the beach or park I want to spend my time with my family.
ETA I wouldn't be rude though
i have to agree and be honest. On saturdays i take the boys to the beach by myself. I go to this one beach where i don't know anyone because i don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to have a nice quiet day with my boys. Plus i've had too many bad experiences with strangers, their kids, their kids stealing my kids toys and/or being mean to my kids. So i keep my distance.
sorry she was rude!
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| Posted 7/17/14 8:50 PM |
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wakemeup
Member since 10/13 1397 total posts
Name:
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by justbeachy
Posted by
I never ever said that YOU said that. I was quoting another poster who was referring to other responses, not yours. I was just trying to get you, and others, to see the other side of things. People like me are not trying to be mean, but just because we are shy or not extroverts doesn't make us rude.
You are absolutely right!
I get it.
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| Posted 7/17/14 9:11 PM |
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justbeachy
So close....
Member since 7/07 2900 total posts
Name:
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by Strawberry2468
She was rude to not even look up. It's not like you invited yourself over her house for tea and crumpets!!
Not even close. I probably wouldn't have even gotten into a conversation with the woman! Just walked over and said hello.
Sigh.
Today I felt - for the first time- that Long Island (or maybe just my town in general) was a cold, unwelcoming place. I consider myself a really normal, friendly, nice person. I know boundaries. I get social norms and cues. I never overstay my welcome. And I certainly didn't barge over with my kid when the woman first got there - as one of the pp assumed. I have tact. For those who understood where my sad face came from - thank you. I hope that someday I'll run into you on the beach! And for those who sent invitations and kind FMs - thank you too.
I sincerely hope that if any of you move into a totally new environment where you don't know anyone, that people will be kind to you. And for those shy, introverts out there - hugs to you too! Meeting people is really rough and I hope that no one out there has the cold, rude reception that I had today. Kind words and bright smiles go far. Consider it when you're out somewhere. It doesn't take a lot to just say hello.
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| Posted 7/17/14 9:36 PM |
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MaZz
* Lovin my baby girl!!! *
Member since 2/09 6243 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
I sometimes see this but most often not... try not to let it get you down... I know I've had days myself where my dd has me on edge and the last thing I want to do is strike up a conversation...
If you want to make some new friends, join this meetup group that I am in.... The ladies are so great and we plan so many amazing outings! Pm me if interested and I'll share the info with ya
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| Posted 7/17/14 9:43 PM |
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justbeachy
So close....
Member since 7/07 2900 total posts
Name:
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by Hofstra26
I don't think she needs to suck it up and socialize just because the kids want to play together. The girls could still play together without the parents having to chat the whole time.
I'm genuinely asking this because I don't know...I'm new at this. From this post I'm discovering that there's some kind of mommy beach etiquette that I'm not aware of regarding not being chatty with other moms while kids play together.
I have 1 kid who's under 2. I mentioned before that it's tough to just let her go off and play by herself (she could sprint off at any moment - so I can't be far). And even then she's tugging on my shirt to stay next to me. So casually smiling over to a mom 20 ft away while our kids interact just isn't possible. I have to be up close and personal for safety reasons. What am I supposed to do in this instance? Sit 2 feet away from my kid, her kid, and her, and sit in silence? I just don't get how to be appropriate on a beach when my 21 m.o wants to play with another kid on the beach.
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| Posted 7/17/14 9:45 PM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by justbeachy
Posted by Hofstra26
I don't think she needs to suck it up and socialize just because the kids want to play together. The girls could still play together without the parents having to chat the whole time.
I'm genuinely asking this because I don't know...I'm new at this. From this post I'm discovering that there's some kind of mommy beach etiquette that I'm not aware of regarding not being chatty with other moms while kids play together.
I have 1 kid who's under 2. I mentioned before that it's tough to just let her go off and play by herself (she could sprint off at any moment - so I can't be far). And even then she's tugging on my shirt to stay next to me. So casually smiling over to a mom 20 ft away while our kids interact just isn't possible. I have to be up close and personal for safety reasons. What am I supposed to do in this instance? Sit 2 feet away from my kid, her kid, and her, and sit in silence? I just don't get how to be appropriate on a beach when my 21 m.o wants to play with another kid on the beach.
I don't think you did anything wrong! Don't be discouraged just bc one mom was not receptive. If DD went over to another kid, I would follow and say hi just like you did. I'd like to think that most of the time you'll get a very different response. Even if you don't, you can just focus on interacting with your child and even the other kid if they're receptive. If the mom is seeming annoyed or whatever then try to distract DC to play elsewhere (easier said than done though). You're not looking to be best friends with the woman but chatting while you watch your kids to me is just the norm. Doesn't seem that way to everyone but it has been in my experience.
I found the library to be the best place to find friendships with other moms though. Like people said, it's not like you're going to strike up a conversation on the beach one day and then become best friends. But after a few classes at the library I saw the same moms all the time and became great friends with some of them over the last two years.
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| Posted 7/17/14 9:56 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by justbeachy
Posted by Hofstra26
I don't think she needs to suck it up and socialize just because the kids want to play together. The girls could still play together without the parents having to chat the whole time.
I'm genuinely asking this because I don't know...I'm new at this. From this post I'm discovering that there's some kind of mommy beach etiquette that I'm not aware of regarding not being chatty with other moms while kids play together.
I have 1 kid who's under 2. I mentioned before that it's tough to just let her go off and play by herself (she could sprint off at any moment - so I can't be far). And even then she's tugging on my shirt to stay next to me. So casually smiling over to a mom 20 ft away while our kids interact just isn't possible. I have to be up close and personal for safety reasons. What am I supposed to do in this instance? Sit 2 feet away from my kid, her kid, and her, and sit in silence? I just don't get how to be appropriate on a beach when my 21 m.o wants to play with another kid on the beach.
I get what you're saying and at that age I was pretty much glued to my DD too. I am very friendly. I will always smile at another parent and I'll start up a conversation too. I see nothing wrong with being friendly...........but that's just my personality.
My point was that I recognize that some people, for whatever reason, just don't want to be bothered with anyone. I'm generally not like that at all but I respect someone who is.........to some degree. There have been times where I'm literally standing next to someone, both of us watching our kids play, and really don't say anything to one another. Not because I won't chat but because some people just have no interest. It happens.
Reading back it seems like the person you ran into was more rude than anything. She didn't HAVE to sit and chat with you but she could've at least smiled, said hi. I personally wouldn't ever just walk away from a person or ignore someone like she seemed to do to you.
I guess after so many years now (my daughter is 5.5yo), so many play dates, and so many parties I've come to realize that some people just aren't interested in making conversation. But on the flip side, I've also met a ton of really nice people everywhere who have no problem carrying on a conversation. In fact, I ended up chatting with some woman for 45 min the other day while I was stuck at Firestone with my son. It was actually really nice and it passed the time.
Hopefully you start meeting some nice people. Try some library classes, mommy and me classes, etc. I met so many nice moms at those places.
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| Posted 7/17/14 10:01 PM |
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Leb
LIF Adult
Member since 12/09 4166 total posts
Name:
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Unfriendly moms...
I am not super out going but if someone initiates a conversation with me in regards to our children I am always super polite, and I've had some weird people talk with me but hey I am at a park with my child and it's better to have a small chat than stand there and ignore each other.
To the OP your town is a town that isn't the friendliest at least IMO. A lot of the moms who stay at home have a lot of money and have their little cliques and are rude. There is a play place I frequented over the long cold winter and I was AMAZED at how rude the mothers there were. When they knew each other they'd ignore their children and chat and not even crack a smile at anyone else. And if they didn't know other moms they certainly didn't make an effort to even look at me. I used to meet up with a gf there and she would refuse to go unless I went with her bc all the women were so bitchy and what's hysterical is that it was a different group each time. I like the park in northport. I find it to be friendlier.
People are just rude sometimes. I really wonder what is up their asses a lot of the time.
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| Posted 7/17/14 10:31 PM |
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Ayne11
Yep
Member since 1/09 18021 total posts
Name:
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Unfriendly moms...
Bon, I know exactly what you're going through. Moving down to NOLA it's like Freakin Mean Girls every day. You cant sit with us and on wednesdays we wear pink. I can't answer the question "Where did you go to school?" because I didn't live here during HS, already thats strike #1 as a social outcast. Strike #2 is that I haven't been BFFL with these women since Pre K. It's very disheartening, especially when you know no one, go out of your way to be friendly and approachable and then get the door slammed in your face. It SUCKS!
Come to NOLA, our kids can play all the time, and we can chat! 
Message edited 7/17/2014 11:13:42 PM.
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| Posted 7/17/14 11:04 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by LemonHead
Posted by nferrandi
I talk to everyone, so do my kids. 
So do we! LOL
So do we!
Even I hated small talk,a smile goes a long way
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| Posted 7/17/14 11:34 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Sure it was the mom and not the babysitter?
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| Posted 7/17/14 11:54 PM |
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by gina409
Posted by LemonHead
Posted by nferrandi
I talk to everyone, so do my kids.
So do we! LOL
So do we!
Even I hated small talk,a smile goes a long way
Exactly!!! A smile and eye contact should be a given but somehow they just aren't anymore. I may not the extremely forward but I always give those 2 things!!
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| Posted 7/18/14 1:41 AM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by justbeachy
Posted by Xelindrya
Plenty times she talks and plays with other kids .. even if its JUST her and that other kid. I don't immediate feel the need or desire to talk up that other kid's mom/dad. I just don't. Kids play, end of story.
My kid isn't 2 yet. So if she moves, I move. If she was a few years older and could go off a bit and play with another kid, that'd be awesome.
But what did you do when your DD was my kid's age? How did you avoid convos with other parents in these situations? I feel like at this age you HAVE to make small talk with other parents due to safety/age restriction. Ya know?
Just did. I'd play with AJ and keep to myself. You never have to do anything. The post had me assume at the beach play time. At two, she wasn't trying to make friends as much as being curious. I'd steal her focus if I didn't want to talk. Took her to the children's museum, just a mommy and me day. Didn't talk to a soul. She was about two. Hubby says that when I want to, I can and do send out vibes that say I don't want to talk .. but not mean just I'm doing my own thing.
I'm actually very outgoing and talkative, but sometimes I just don't want to.
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| Posted 7/18/14 1:44 AM |
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SandL
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/12 541 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
I live in NC and everyone talks to you, so ofcourse im usually friendly back. However, there are times I just want to relax and dont feel like chatting or making small talk. However, im never rude. Just kind of keep convo short, and smile.
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| Posted 7/18/14 7:27 AM |
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justbeachy
So close....
Member since 7/07 2900 total posts
Name:
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by MrsT809
Posted by justbeachy
Posted by Hofstra26
I don't think she needs to suck it up and socialize just because the kids want to play together. The girls could still play together without the parents having to chat the whole time.
I'm genuinely asking this because I don't know...I'm new at this. From this post I'm discovering that there's some kind of mommy beach etiquette that I'm not aware of regarding not being chatty with other moms while kids play together.
I have 1 kid who's under 2. I mentioned before that it's tough to just let her go off and play by herself (she could sprint off at any moment - so I can't be far). And even then she's tugging on my shirt to stay next to me. So casually smiling over to a mom 20 ft away while our kids interact just isn't possible. I have to be up close and personal for safety reasons. What am I supposed to do in this instance? Sit 2 feet away from my kid, her kid, and her, and sit in silence? I just don't get how to be appropriate on a beach when my 21 m.o wants to play with another kid on the beach.
I don't think you did anything wrong! Don't be discouraged just bc one mom was not receptive. If DD went over to another kid, I would follow and say hi just like you did. I'd like to think that most of the time you'll get a very different response. Even if you don't, you can just focus on interacting with your child and even the other kid if they're receptive. If the mom is seeming annoyed or whatever then try to distract DC to play elsewhere (easier said than done though). You're not looking to be best friends with the woman but chatting while you watch your kids to me is just the norm. Doesn't seem that way to everyone but it has been in my experience.
I found the library to be the best place to find friendships with other moms though. Like people said, it's not like you're going to strike up a conversation on the beach one day and then become best friends. But after a few classes at the library I saw the same moms all the time and became great friends with some of them over the last two years.
Thank you! I'm going to check out our library.
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| Posted 7/18/14 9:08 AM |
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justbeachy
So close....
Member since 7/07 2900 total posts
Name:
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Re: Unfriendly moms...
Posted by Ayne11
Bon, I know exactly what you're going through. Moving down to NOLA it's like Freakin Mean Girls every day. You cant sit with us and on wednesdays we wear pink. I can't answer the question "Where did you go to school?" because I didn't live here during HS, already thats strike #1 as a social outcast. Strike #2 is that I haven't been BFFL with these women since Pre K. It's very disheartening, especially when you know no one, go out of your way to be friendly and approachable and then get the door slammed in your face. It SUCKS!
Come to NOLA, our kids can play all the time, and we can chat!
Thanks, dear!
And I would have thought they'd be super friendly in NOLA! Hugs to you down there. Keep me posted on your mommy friend making!
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| Posted 7/18/14 9:10 AM |
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