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Speaking of the Jews...

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lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

9507 total posts

Name:

Speaking of the Jews...

How would you handle this? My son is in 10th grade. He just got a not so great participation grade in one subject. When I looked at why it was because of classroom behavior. I had emailed the teacher a couple weeks ago asking if he was doing okay in school because he has ADHD and I want to make sure his medication is working etc, never heard back. Got the bad grade today and I emailed the teacher again asking to call me to discuss what's going on. In the course of the discussion he mentioned my son throwing something in class. Okay, completely unacceptable. My son comes home from school and we ask him what's going on and mention the throwing things. He proceeds to tell us it was a lapse in judgement but that his "friend" threw some coins on the floor by him and said "pick it up....." the dot dot dot was meant to be followed by "Jew." My son is one of the few Jewish students in his school. Our town is very Catholic and we are an interfaith family. My son took the coins and threw them out the window. Definitely a lapse in judgement on his part but it was in response to the comment. Anyway, how would you handle? I do know this kid that made the comment and I have nothing good or bad to say about him. He might have thought he was being funny but I don't. I know if I say something to the teacher the kid could get in real trouble, which I am not sure how I feel about. But at the same time, my kid looks like a bad kid and he is unwilling to rat on a "friend." How would you handle?

Posted 11/8/23 4:34 PM
 
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HeyJude
LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/07

820 total posts

Name:
p

Re: Speaking of the Jews...

If that happened to my son I would tell the administration. This way it is on record. If they pick on your son again because of his religion and you haven't told them about this incident, they can't use that as part of their decision on what to do because you didn't tell them. There is always the fear of retaliation but hopefully if the boy gets in trouble he has a family that will put their foot down and he learns his lesson.

Also, as a mom, if my son had done something like that to another child I would want to know. Totally unacceptable. I am sorry this happened to your son.

Posted 11/8/23 5:32 PM
 

hmm
Sweet

Member since 1/14

7978 total posts

Name:

Speaking of the Jews...

I agree with HeyJude make sure the school knows with all that is going on in the world, they should know of a possible issue

adding: maybe speak to the teacher and school Social worker. They can speak to the student as well.

Message edited 11/8/2023 8:22:09 PM.

Posted 11/8/23 5:56 PM
 

busymomonli
Resident Insomniac

Member since 4/13

2045 total posts

Name:

Speaking of the Jews...

This is a tough call. Does your son consider this kid a "friend" or part of his friend group? Or is this a random person at school? While what that kid said/did is unacceptable, I would be concerned that the "friend group" would ditch him entirely because he snitched and cause your son to kind of spiral.

Posted 11/9/23 9:10 AM
 

itsbabytime
LIF Adult

Member since 11/05

9644 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: Speaking of the Jews...

He’s in 10th grade, I would let him handle it. If he wants to he can talk to the teacher privately or even send the teacher an email. However I think at that age most kids don’t want to “rat” out someone. I definitely wouldn’t reach out to the teacher if your son asked you not to and has not reached out to the teacher himself. It’s a hard pill to swallow when we as parents see a situation that is completely wrong and unfair but in 10th grade I think you have to let go and let him handle it unless he specifically asks you to handle it for him. I’ve been in this situation with my kids when they tell me something that I cannot understand why they wouldn’t report it to a teacher - something even worse than this- and I know it’s super hard to do nothing! If he was in elementary school I would have a different response but it’s a different ballgame now in my opinion in 10th grade.

Message edited 11/9/2023 9:33:05 AM.

Posted 11/9/23 9:31 AM
 

lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

9507 total posts

Name:

Re: Speaking of the Jews...

Posted by busymomonli

This is a tough call. Does your son consider this kid a "friend" or part of his friend group? Or is this a random person at school? While what that kid said/did is unacceptable, I would be concerned that the "friend group" would ditch him entirely because he snitched and cause your son to kind of spiral.



My son doesn't particularly like this kid but he is part of his extended friend group. My sons friend group would definitely not ditch him over this kid. My son is very well liked and this kid is not. But I don't want my son to be a tattle tale.... However, racist or anti semitic remarks should not be tolerated.

Posted 11/9/23 10:40 AM
 

lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

9507 total posts

Name:

Re: Speaking of the Jews...

Posted by itsbabytime

He’s in 10th grade, I would let him handle it. If he wants to he can talk to the teacher privately or even send the teacher an email. However I think at that age most kids don’t want to “rat” out someone. I definitely wouldn’t reach out to the teacher if your son asked you not to and has not reached out to the teacher himself. It’s a hard pill to swallow when we as parents see a situation that is completely wrong and unfair but in 10th grade I think you have to let go and let him handle it unless he specifically asks you to handle it for him. I’ve been in this situation with my kids when they tell me something that I cannot understand why they wouldn’t report it to a teacher - something even worse than this- and I know it’s super hard to do nothing! If he was in elementary school I would have a different response but it’s a different ballgame now in my opinion in 10th grade.



Yeah I guess I will let him handle it. He generally does not like to get anyone in trouble. I do find the comment disturbing especially given the current state of affairs in the US and abroad. I just don't understand how kids can behave like this and think it's okay. He is 15 years old, this was not a funny joke. Can you imagine the outrage if it had been a derrogatory comment about someone of color or LGBTQ?

Posted 11/9/23 10:43 AM
 

lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

9507 total posts

Name:

Re: Speaking of the Jews...

Posted by hmm

I agree with HeyJude make sure the school knows with all that is going on in the world, they should know of a possible issue

adding: maybe speak to the teacher and school Social worker. They can speak to the student as well.



I think I may contact the school in a more general sense of "Hey given what is going on perhaps you should make the students aware that anti-semitic remarks will not be tolerated" and let them know that my son was the target of a comment because he is Jewish.

Posted 11/9/23 10:44 AM
 

busymomonli
Resident Insomniac

Member since 4/13

2045 total posts

Name:

Re: Speaking of the Jews...

Posted by lululu

Posted by busymomonli

This is a tough call. Does your son consider this kid a "friend" or part of his friend group? Or is this a random person at school? While what that kid said/did is unacceptable, I would be concerned that the "friend group" would ditch him entirely because he snitched and cause your son to kind of spiral.



My son doesn't particularly like this kid but he is part of his extended friend group. My sons friend group would definitely not ditch him over this kid. My son is very well liked and this kid is not. But I don't want my son to be a tattle tale.... However, racist or anti semitic remarks should not be tolerated.



If your son doesn't care about this kid and is solid with his friend group, I would go ahead and contact the school. Or have him do it. I agree that these types of remarks should not be tolerated.

Posted 11/9/23 2:08 PM
 

Budjeg11
LIF Adult

Member since 4/11

2642 total posts

Name:

Speaking of the Jews...

These types of comments should not be tolerated irrespective of the state of the world. How disgusting and disgraceful - and worse so because I do believe it all comes from what is taught in the home. Sickening. I understand if your son doesn't want to be snitch about a neutral topic but this is something that this kid should not be allowed to get away with or at the very least not walking away from thinking its ok. I agree with the idea of speaking to admin and perhaps not mentioning names but suggesting that the whole class be spoken to.

Posted 11/9/23 5:36 PM
 

Budjeg11
LIF Adult

Member since 4/11

2642 total posts

Name:

Speaking of the Jews...

These types of comments should not be tolerated irrespective of the state of the world. How disgusting and disgraceful - and worse so because I do believe it all comes from what is taught in the home. Sickening. I understand if your son doesn't want to be snitch about a neutral topic but this is something that this kid should not be allowed to get away with or at the very least not walking away from thinking its ok. I agree with the idea of speaking to admin and perhaps not mentioning names but suggesting that the whole class be spoken to.

Posted 11/9/23 5:36 PM
 

Budjeg11
LIF Adult

Member since 4/11

2642 total posts

Name:

Speaking of the Jews...

These types of comments should not be tolerated irrespective of the state of the world. How disgusting and disgraceful - and worse so because I do believe it all comes from what is taught in the home. Sickening. I understand if your son doesn't want to be snitch about a neutral topic but this is something that this kid should not be allowed to get away with or at the very least not walking away from thinking its ok. I agree with the idea of speaking to admin and perhaps not mentioning names but suggesting that the whole class be spoken to.

Posted 11/9/23 5:36 PM
 

Pomegranate5
LIF Adult

Member since 2/11

4798 total posts

Name:
Pomegranate5

Re: Speaking of the Jews...

If it was me, I'd want to report it. At that age, there should be serious consequences for saying something like that. Whether he meant it as a joke or not. And it's better he learn this lesson now than in a few years when he gets expelled from college or loses a job because of a similar "joke".

If your son is being held accountable for his actions, so should the other kid.

Posted 11/10/23 9:16 AM
 

BargainMama
LIF Adult

Member since 5/09

15655 total posts

Name:

Re: Speaking of the Jews...

Your son isn't going to "tattle", most high school kids wouldn't. EVEN if it bothers them. I have an 11th grader, and if this happened to her (although we aren't Jewish, but anything of this nature), I would be speaking out to administration. This is inappropriate, and unacceptable.

Posted 11/10/23 9:23 AM
 

ali120206
2 Boys

Member since 7/06

17785 total posts

Name:

Speaking of the Jews...

It is definitely wrong and horrible. Can you speak to the parents? Speaking to the school would definitely involve some sort of disciplinary action such as suspension/detention and since your son wants to move on - I don’t think he would be happy if you said anything (it’s wrong, it shouldn’t have been said but I know my high schooler would be annoyed if I reported someone for saying something that leads to punishment).

Posted 11/10/23 1:46 PM
 

klingklang77
kraftwerk!

Member since 7/06

11485 total posts

Name:
Völlig losgelöst

Re: Speaking of the Jews...

Posted by BargainMama

Your son isn't going to "tattle", most high school kids wouldn't. EVEN if it bothers them. I have an 11th grader, and if this happened to her (although we aren't Jewish, but anything of this nature), I would be speaking out to administration. This is inappropriate, and unacceptable.



I agree. Go straight to the school. It is unacceptable.

Posted 11/11/23 8:46 AM
 

pugmama
April already?

Member since 3/06

5297 total posts

Name:
Erica

Speaking of the Jews...

This is antisemetic and has to be reported! If your son is not comfortable saying anything than you must!

Posted 11/13/23 12:18 PM
 

EricaAlt
LIF Adult

Member since 7/08

22665 total posts

Name:
Erica

Re: Speaking of the Jews...

Posted by pugmama

This is antisemetic and has to be reported! If your son is not comfortable saying anything than you must!



This! 100% This is antisemitism!! This needs to be reported to the school. It's not a little thing someone threw something at him. It's what he said and HOW he said it. I can't believe how many people on here are responding to just let him deal. No!!
I am Jewish and actually pretty appalled anyone thinks this is something a teen should handle. I have a teenager myself and many things I'll tell him he needs to handle himself. Some fighting with friends, disagreements, bad grades he needs to be responsible to ask the teacher for extra credit or extra help, money management, etc.
This circumstance! Heck no!

If you don't want to press charges that's one thing, but should be reported and maybe teach these kids a lesson what antisemitism is.
Especially with what's going on right now in the world. I'm sorry your son had to deal with it.

Posted 11/13/23 12:31 PM
 

PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken

Member since 6/11

9145 total posts

Name:
Phyllis

Re: Speaking of the Jews...

I’m so sorry for your son. This had to be so embarrassing and hurtful. He should have taken the coins and shoved them up his ass. But that’s besides the point.

I agree with going to the school for an official record of the incident. It’s important to have a paper trail. Unfortunately in todays climate, the way this seems to be tolerated means most likely not much will be done but hopefully as people take their heads out of their asses and see what’s happening all around us, there will at least be record of this.

Again, I’m so sorry. It is disgusting and honestly I’m glad your son took a stand and didn’t just back down.

Posted 11/14/23 7:30 AM
 

FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

7786 total posts

Name:

Re: Speaking of the Jews...

Why are boys so effing stupid? I can't. I feel so bad for your son having to deal with that garbage. I think I would report it to the school just so there is a "paper trail" so to speak but I would respect how my son wanted it handled with the boy.

Posted 11/14/23 10:53 PM
 

lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

9507 total posts

Name:

Re: Speaking of the Jews...

Posted by PhyllisNJoe

I’m so sorry for your son. This had to be so embarrassing and hurtful. He should have taken the coins and shoved them up his ass. But that’s besides the point.

I agree with going to the school for an official record of the incident. It’s important to have a paper trail. Unfortunately in todays climate, the way this seems to be tolerated means most likely not much will be done but hopefully as people take their heads out of their asses and see what’s happening all around us, there will at least be record of this.

Again, I’m so sorry. It is disgusting and honestly I’m glad your son took a stand and didn’t just back down.



My son took the coins and threw them out the window. I think it made him look really bad, especially since the teacher didn't know what prompted the incident.

Posted 11/15/23 11:50 AM
 
 

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