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If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

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NervousNell
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Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Posted by amac27

Posted by MC09

The second wedding was 3 yrs ago and he's already going for #3?? Wow didn't even wait for the ink on the marriage license, and then the divorce papers to dry did he?! I'm afraid to ask how long ago the 1st wedding was lol. Why the rush? Give a toaster. And not a toaster from the registry, any old toaster will do. In fact a used toaster would be best. Go to Good Will and find a toaster or some broken candle sticks and done. It's the same way this guy treats marriage. What you really should be doing is chipping in with the rest of the family and getting him a gift certificate to get his head checked or marriage counseling before you're all invited to do the chicken dance at wedding #4 in 2021.



Lol. My Uncle was married 7 times (two of those marriages were to the same woman)! My mom always joked that she was gonna go broke buying wedding gifts. Ironically the last marriage lasted over 25 years (until his death).



I always wonder, like at what point to you say, I don't need to get married anymore? You can just live together. Like when do you stop needing that piece of paper? After the 4th? The 5th? The 6th marriage?
It seems like an awful lot of legal fees to constantly have to keep getting a divorce.

Posted 4/30/19 1:08 PM
 
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lightblue
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Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

I wouldn't give as much as I normally would. He should understand since it's his 3rd wedding!

Posted 4/30/19 1:21 PM
 

KarenK122
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If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

It is your husband's brother. You need to give a gift just like you would if it was his first wedding. It's family. Does it suck? Yes. Would I be complaining to my husband? Yes. But it is still family and sometimes you need to do things you don't like for family. I wouldn't want to put a strain on a close relationship over a couple of hundred dollars. If it was a friend or distant relative, my answer would be different but it is your brother in law. Of course it is all dependent on your financial situation as with all gifts.

Posted 4/30/19 1:54 PM
 

Tulip9
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Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Yes I would give less, sorry but like enough is enough....

Posted 4/30/19 2:01 PM
 

JME78
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Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Posted by KarenK122

It is your husband's brother. You need to give a gift just like you would if it was his first wedding. It's family. Does it suck? Yes. Would I be complaining to my husband? Yes. But it is still family and sometimes you need to do things you don't like for family. I wouldn't want to put a strain on a close relationship over a couple of hundred dollars. If it was a friend or distant relative, my answer would be different but it is your brother in law. Of course it is all dependent on your financial situation as with all gifts.



I could not disagree more.
I think her showing up to all of these weddings is more than enough, and her BIL didn't even give THEM a gift.

Posted 4/30/19 2:12 PM
 

NervousNell
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Member since 11/09

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Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Posted by JME78

Posted by KarenK122

It is your husband's brother. You need to give a gift just like you would if it was his first wedding. It's family. Does it suck? Yes. Would I be complaining to my husband? Yes. But it is still family and sometimes you need to do things you don't like for family. I wouldn't want to put a strain on a close relationship over a couple of hundred dollars. If it was a friend or distant relative, my answer would be different but it is your brother in law. Of course it is all dependent on your financial situation as with all gifts.



I could not disagree more.
I think her showing up to all of these weddings is more than enough, and her BIL didn't even give THEM a gift.



Exactly. How come it was ok for HIM to not give his brother ANY gift at his first and only wedding?
How come it only goes one way?

Posted 4/30/19 2:14 PM
 

PitterPatter11
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Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Posted by KarenK122

It is your husband's brother. You need to give a gift just like you would if it was his first wedding. It's family. Does it suck? Yes. Would I be complaining to my husband? Yes. But it is still family and sometimes you need to do things you don't like for family. I wouldn't want to put a strain on a close relationship over a couple of hundred dollars. If it was a friend or distant relative, my answer would be different but it is your brother in law. Of course it is all dependent on your financial situation as with all gifts.



I definitely don’t agree with this. I’m in a similar situation and am giving less this time around. It would be one thing a decade later, but 2 years later, come on. Everyone was in the wedding the first time and it’s the same the second time around so it’s not a few hundred dollars.

Posted 4/30/19 6:22 PM
 

Sash
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Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Posted by KarenK122

It is your husband's brother. You need to give a gift just like you would if it was his first wedding. It's family. Does it suck? Yes. Would I be complaining to my husband? Yes. But it is still family and sometimes you need to do things you don't like for family. I wouldn't want to put a strain on a close relationship over a couple of hundred dollars. If it was a friend or distant relative, my answer would be different but it is your brother in law. Of course it is all dependent on your financial situation as with all gifts.



I agree as well. As dumb and annoying as it is, I would just go with what my husband wanted since this is his brother.

Now if we couldn't afford the amount he wanted to give then that is worth an argument.

Posted 4/30/19 9:54 PM
 

Hofstra26
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Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Posted by KarenK122

It is your husband's brother. You need to give a gift just like you would if it was his first wedding. It's family. Does it suck? Yes. Would I be complaining to my husband? Yes. But it is still family and sometimes you need to do things you don't like for family. I wouldn't want to put a strain on a close relationship over a couple of hundred dollars. If it was a friend or distant relative, my answer would be different but it is your brother in law. Of course it is all dependent on your financial situation as with all gifts.



I completely disagree. Family or not, I would not shell out hundreds of dollars OVER AND OVER again just because someone can't stop getting married, divorced and remarried. 3 times???? C'mon. That is RIDICULOUS.

Honestly, I think he should tell his own family to please not feel obligated to give any gifts AND then explain to his fiancee that given that this is his THIRD marriage (and likely not his last lolol) to not expect anything from his family and friends except their presence on the wedding day.

Everyone has a right to remarry as many times as they want but to expect people to keep shelling out cash and gifts every time they do it is crazy to me. At this point, he should be thankful anyone even wants to show up for a THIRD time. Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 4/30/19 10:53 PM
 

Sash
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Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Posted by Hofstra26

Posted by KarenK122

It is your husband's brother. You need to give a gift just like you would if it was his first wedding. It's family. Does it suck? Yes. Would I be complaining to my husband? Yes. But it is still family and sometimes you need to do things you don't like for family. I wouldn't want to put a strain on a close relationship over a couple of hundred dollars. If it was a friend or distant relative, my answer would be different but it is your brother in law. Of course it is all dependent on your financial situation as with all gifts.



I completely disagree. Family or not, I would not shell out hundreds of dollars OVER AND OVER again just because someone can't stop getting married, divorced and remarried. 3 times???? C'mon. That is RIDICULOUS.

Honestly, I think he should tell his own family to please not feel obligated to give any gifts AND then explain to his fiancee that given that this is his THIRD marriage (and likely not his last lolol) to not expect anything from his family and friends except their presence on the wedding day.

Everyone has a right to remarry as many times as they want but to expect people to keep shelling out cash and gifts every time they do it is crazy to me. At this point, he should be thankful anyone even wants to show up for a THIRD time. Chat Icon Chat Icon



How do you know the brother is asking for gifts and expects money?

If my husband who works hard wants to give his brother a gift for his 20th wedding then that is his right. As ridiculous as it may seem, he works hard. I know my DH would still give a gift because he would feel like shit showing up to his brothers wedding/event with nothing, even if he thinks its ridiculous.

Everyone has different family dynamics. I pretty much bought all the gifts off my sisters registry and went way above and beyond for her wedding. My Dh thought it was extreme but supported me because he understood where it was coming from.

Posted 4/30/19 11:06 PM
 

JoesWife628
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If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Is his name Ross Gellar??

Posted 4/30/19 11:25 PM
 

Sash
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fka LIW Smara

Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Posted by JoesWife628

Is his name Ross Gellar??



Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Classic Ross!

External Image

External Image

Message edited 4/30/2019 11:32:27 PM.

Posted 4/30/19 11:28 PM
 

MissJones
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Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Posted by Sash

Posted by JoesWife628

Is his name Ross Gellar??



Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Classic Ross!

IMAGE

IMAGE





I love that friends made its way into this thread!!!

Posted 5/1/19 5:03 AM
 

loveus
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If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

I would still do cash. Can’t really give a figure since it would depend on how close your husband is to his brother? is he in the wedding? Do you like the bride? If you like her and she is good to your kids I would give a nice gift but not over the top to keep the peace. Remember the bride doesn’t know what he gave to your wedding and him being a guy probably doesn’t remember either.

Posted 5/1/19 9:32 AM
 

jamnmore
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If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

I got married 9 years ago. It was my husbands 2nd marriage, my first. A lot of people on his side were at his first wedding, which had been like 10 years earlier and lasted less than a year. Now let me first say, that it is not possible for me to have cared less about gifts. That is not what I had a wedding for. It was a celebration. That's all. But the people that were invited from his side, did not in my opinion, give any less because it was his 2nd marriage. Maybe they did. The gifts did not matter to us.
Give what your heart dictates and what you can afford. If this is her first wedding, she should not be penalized that it took him 3 tries.

In my opinion this is no different than a family that has to go to a kids birthday. Let's say a family has 4 kids, you have 1. You get invited to every kids birthday party. Do you give the kids less because you only get back one gift through the year and they get 3? No. You give what you feel is right. Same thing.

Posted 5/1/19 9:56 AM
 

Hofstra26
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Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Posted by jamnmore

I got married 9 years ago. It was my husbands 2nd marriage, my first. A lot of people on his side were at his first wedding, which had been like 10 years earlier and lasted less than a year. Now let me first say, that it is not possible for me to have cared less about gifts. That is not what I had a wedding for. It was a celebration. That's all. But the people that were invited from his side, did not in my opinion, give any less because it was his 2nd marriage. Maybe they did. The gifts did not matter to us.
Give what your heart dictates and what you can afford. If this is her first wedding, she should not be penalized that it took him 3 tries.

In my opinion this is no different than a family that has to go to a kids birthday. Let's say a family has 4 kids, you have 1. You get invited to every kids birthday party. Do you give the kids less because you only get back one gift through the year and they get 3? No. You give what you feel is right. Same thing.



Birthday parties are not really the same thing, I don't think that is the right comparison. That being said, I think in this case, it is the fact that his last marriage (and SECOND marriage) was just two or so years ago.

In your case, I think it's different. !0 years is a long time since being married the first time and I wouldn't have an issue giving a sizable gift in that case. But two years later and a THIRD marriage??...................how many times are people expected to pony up? I wouldn't go empty handed, I'd give something nice from the registry, but I would not give the same monetary gift of hundreds and hundreds of dollars like I normally would.

To each his own though.

Posted 5/1/19 10:17 AM
 

Straightarrow
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Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Posted by Hofstra26

Posted by jamnmore

I got married 9 years ago. It was my husbands 2nd marriage, my first. A lot of people on his side were at his first wedding, which had been like 10 years earlier and lasted less than a year. Now let me first say, that it is not possible for me to have cared less about gifts. That is not what I had a wedding for. It was a celebration. That's all. But the people that were invited from his side, did not in my opinion, give any less because it was his 2nd marriage. Maybe they did. The gifts did not matter to us.
Give what your heart dictates and what you can afford. If this is her first wedding, she should not be penalized that it took him 3 tries.

In my opinion this is no different than a family that has to go to a kids birthday. Let's say a family has 4 kids, you have 1. You get invited to every kids birthday party. Do you give the kids less because you only get back one gift through the year and they get 3? No. You give what you feel is right. Same thing.



Birthday parties are not really the same thing, I don't think that is the right comparison. That being said, I think in this case, it is the fact that his last marriage (and SECOND marriage) was just two or so years ago.

In your case, I think it's different. !0 years is a long time since being married the first time and I wouldn't have an issue giving a sizable gift in that case. But two years later and a THIRD marriage??...................how many times are people expected to pony up? I wouldn't go empty handed, I'd give something nice from the registry, but I would not give the same monetary gift of hundreds and hundreds of dollars like I normally would.

To each his own though.



I think part of the problem is that people give hundreds and hundreds of dollars as wedding gifts. Then if someone gets divorced and remarried they are incensed that they have to give again.

To the OP, give what you want, lol. I've stopped caring. I give what I can.

Posted 5/1/19 11:08 AM
 

starbrightgirl8
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If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

For the wedding, I think I'd give the low end of my usual scale. It's still a party that I'm being invited to, and I think that warrants a gift. Annoying that it's so close together, but hopefully it's still a good party.

If you're invited to a shower, I'd probably skip unless you're close with the bride.

If your husband is expected to do a bachelor party, I wiould say no to that because I think that's only something for the first time around unless everyone involved is on board with doing it for fun, but there definitely shouldn't be any obligation.

Posted 5/1/19 11:08 AM
 

Budjeg11
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Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Posted by jamnmore

I got married 9 years ago. It was my husbands 2nd marriage, my first. A lot of people on his side were at his first wedding, which had been like 10 years earlier and lasted less than a year. Now let me first say, that it is not possible for me to have cared less about gifts. That is not what I had a wedding for. It was a celebration. That's all. But the people that were invited from his side, did not in my opinion, give any less because it was his 2nd marriage. Maybe they did. The gifts did not matter to us.
Give what your heart dictates and what you can afford. If this is her first wedding, she should not be penalized that it took him 3 tries.

In my opinion this is no different than a family that has to go to a kids birthday. Let's say a family has 4 kids, you have 1. You get invited to every kids birthday party. Do you give the kids less because you only get back one gift through the year and they get 3? No. You give what you feel is right. Same thing.



I agree with this, and will also use the example of baby showers which it seems many people have multiple now of anyway-- saying "every baby should be celebrated".

Considering it is the fiance's first time and that it is your brother in law I would give a monetary gift but maybe less than I would if it were the first wedding. Consider it a night out- a nice dinner and drinks out for a family of 4 would cost you a couple of hundred books.. If it were me I would give him $250 and call it a day.

Message edited 5/1/2019 12:26:34 PM.

Posted 5/1/19 12:26 PM
 

mommywantsababy
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shh

Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Posted by jamnmore

I got married 9 years ago. It was my husbands 2nd marriage, my first. A lot of people on his side were at his first wedding, which had been like 10 years earlier and lasted less than a year. Now let me first say, that it is not possible for me to have cared less about gifts. That is not what I had a wedding for. It was a celebration. That's all. But the people that were invited from his side, did not in my opinion, give any less because it was his 2nd marriage. Maybe they did. The gifts did not matter to us.
Give what your heart dictates and what you can afford. If this is her first wedding, she should not be penalized that it took him 3 tries.

In my opinion this is no different than a family that has to go to a kids birthday. Let's say a family has 4 kids, you have 1. You get invited to every kids birthday party. Do you give the kids less because you only get back one gift through the year and they get 3? No. You give what you feel is right. Same thing.



I never realized how guilty I would feel about having three kids compared to friends who only have one or two!

To answer the question though, I would give maybe $100 and call it a day.

Posted 5/1/19 1:23 PM
 

jamnmore
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Re: If it’s a third wedding, do you give less?

Posted by mommywantsababy

Posted by jamnmore

I got married 9 years ago. It was my husbands 2nd marriage, my first. A lot of people on his side were at his first wedding, which had been like 10 years earlier and lasted less than a year. Now let me first say, that it is not possible for me to have cared less about gifts. That is not what I had a wedding for. It was a celebration. That's all. But the people that were invited from his side, did not in my opinion, give any less because it was his 2nd marriage. Maybe they did. The gifts did not matter to us.
Give what your heart dictates and what you can afford. If this is her first wedding, she should not be penalized that it took him 3 tries.

In my opinion this is no different than a family that has to go to a kids birthday. Let's say a family has 4 kids, you have 1. You get invited to every kids birthday party. Do you give the kids less because you only get back one gift through the year and they get 3? No. You give what you feel is right. Same thing.



I never realized how guilty I would feel about having three kids compared to friends who only have one or two!

To answer the question though, I would give maybe $100 and call it a day.



It was not meant to make anyone feel guilty. I was just using it as an example. Gifts are not important to my family. We do what we can, when we can. Sometimes I may give a super big gift, other times I may not. Depends on what I can afford that month. I felt bad this year because we did not get together with family for Easter. I did not get Easter baskets for the kids. I felt terrible that I did not have gifts for the kids and they bought for mine.

Posted 5/1/19 1:33 PM
 
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