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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
for those who followed my last post, I have an update and I'm furious...
So as you know, MIL hasn't offered any help for my baby shower. Well today, MIL sent an email out regarding her daughter's, my SIL's, bridal shower. In the email, she was telling everyone the place/time/etc. and then at the end stated that since I am into crafty things, she hopes I would offer to buy a PDF file for an invite, as well as games and all other paper goods, and print/cut everything for her for the shower.
I'm so annoyed because it costs a ton of money to do all of this, but most importantly will take up alot of my time. Given the fact that she has not offered a dime to help us out, and she knows I am printing/cutting all of my own paper goods for my own shower, I am pretty offended to say the least. I feel like she put me in a bad place, though, because she sent this email out to 7 others, and I will probably look bad if I respond back saying I won't do it.
Should I suck it up and just do it for her, or should I say that I cannot do it?
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Posted 2/8/16 2:42 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Take2
LIF Zygote
Member since 10/15 31 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
I 100% would not be doing it. I would respond privately to MIL only in a separate email and politely explain that you have a lot going on right now and unfortunately don't have the time.
What nerve! I hate when people do stuff like this!
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| Posted 2/8/16 2:48 PM |
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MrsB612
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/12 784 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
Your MIL sounds so fresh. Sorry! I think if it were me, I would suck it up and just do it bc at the end of the day you’re doing it for your SIL not your MIL. Assuming you’re in the bridal party? Just think if it as bridesmaid duties. If you’re not comfortable doing everything she listed then maybe come back to just her on the email and say you can only commit to the invites or whatever else would be easiest for you since you are so busy/overwhelmed.
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| Posted 2/8/16 2:53 PM |
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Momma2015
Mommax2
Member since 12/12 6655 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
My question is this... how close are you with your SIL? Yeah, your MIL is messed up for putting you on the spot like that, but I'd probably still do it for my SIL because I'm close with her and I'd want to do it up nicely since my MIL is not crafty. Also, when is the shower? You might legitimately not have time since you have a baby on the way! July is coming up quickly!
Did she decide to have it at the same place as your shower? I'm sorry- I'm super nosey. 
ETA: I know how pricey paper goods can get! I did a TON of paper stuff for my friend's wedding (advice cards which looked like little postcards, seating chart, table numbers, door hangers for the hotel welcome bags, and on and on!) and it really added up. And that's with me designing everything myself and not just purchasing a template. Can you ask if everyone can chip in a set amount and include the paper goods in the total cost? It won't be that much more split between 7 people and that's the way it should be done anyway. I might not even ask- I might just send over some design ideas from Etsy that go with the theme and say it's going to cost x amount of money from each person and include the cost of cardstock in there.
Message edited 2/8/2016 2:58:20 PM.
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| Posted 2/8/16 2:54 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
I would just say with everything going on with the baby coming I just do not have the time. Plain and simple. You don't want to go too deep into anything as it can cause drama. If you keep it simple she will look like an A@@ if she pushes
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| Posted 2/8/16 3:13 PM |
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Sweetlax22
LIF Adult
Member since 5/10 1904 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
Posted by MrsB612
Your MIL sounds so fresh. Sorry! I think if it were me, I would suck it up and just do it bc at the end of the day you’re doing it for your SIL not your MIL. Assuming you’re in the bridal party? Just think if it as bridesmaid duties. If you’re not comfortable doing everything she listed then maybe come back to just her on the email and say you can only commit to the invites or whatever else would be easiest for you since you are so busy/overwhelmed.
This is what I think too.
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| Posted 2/8/16 3:21 PM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
Posted by Momma2015
My question is this... how close are you with your SIL? Yeah, your MIL is messed up for putting you on the spot like that, but I'd probably still do it for my SIL because I'm close with her and I'd want to do it up nicely since my MIL is not crafty. Also, when is the shower? You might legitimately not have time since you have a baby on the way! July is coming up quickly!
Did she decide to have it at the same place as your shower? I'm sorry- I'm super nosey.
ETA: I know how pricey paper goods can get! I did a TON of paper stuff for my friend's wedding (advice cards which looked like little postcards, seating chart, table numbers, door hangers for the hotel welcome bags, and on and on!) and it really added up. And that's with me designing everything myself and not just purchasing a template. Can you ask if everyone can chip in a set amount and include the paper goods in the total cost? It won't be that much more split between 7 people and that's the way it should be done anyway. I might not even ask- I might just send over some design ideas from Etsy that go with the theme and say it's going to cost x amount of money from each person and include the cost of cardstock in there.
not being nosy at all!!
1. I am not close to my SIL- I am very close to her younger sister, who is my age and we have a lot in common. The older one (who is getting married) is a bit crazyyyy, and my DH and i don't really hangout with her much lol...She and I are friendly in person of course. She refused to do anything for my shower/wedding because she is older than Dh and was upset that she wasn't in a relationship at the time. She cried at my bridal shower and had her whole family consoling her... I kind of don't really want to help out because she didn't do anything for me when I was getting married..
2. The shower is at a different place, owned by the same people as my place. It is going to be at the end of June, which I appreciated. Originally, MIL wanted it to be a week before my shower in May. Her wedding isn't until Sept, so June made a bit more sense.
I think I might just do it because it's the right thing to do. While it really stinks, you can't really do something with the expectation of getting the same in return. However, Dh said to tell MIL how much the PDF files, paper, and printer ink was so that she can reimburse me. So I will do that!
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| Posted 2/8/16 5:58 PM |
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Momma2015
Mommax2
Member since 12/12 6655 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
Yeah definitely have her reimburse you. That stuff ain't cheap! But you're probably doing the right thing by doing it- you're better than me. I don't know that I would... maybe invitations but that's it! 
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| Posted 2/9/16 8:16 AM |
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HomeIsWithU
Baby #2 on the way!
Member since 9/07 7816 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
You're a better person than I if you decide to just do it. If it were me, I would respond to MIL privately and tell her that with the baby and your own shower you just don't have the time or money. Especially now knowing that this same SIL didn't do a thing for your bridal shower...I'd happily return the favor.
You're MIL sounds like a real peach. Not offering to help at all for your shower but yet putting you on the spot and just shooting off expectations that you help with SIL's shower?? Incredibly selfish.
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| Posted 2/9/16 8:58 AM |
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Wishes1111
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/10 853 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
You're a nice person!! I wouldn't do it. Your DH is right at the very least get reimbursed
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| Posted 2/10/16 10:54 AM |
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Re: MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
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Message edited 3/6/2016 9:12:19 PM.
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| Posted 2/11/16 9:16 AM |
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MaeDe
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 1169 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
I would say that you are going through some big expenses with your own shower and really don't have the time or the money to do this. Thats crazy!
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| Posted 2/11/16 9:30 AM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Re: MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
Posted by LastLightGlow
I don't think its the "right thing" to do to suck it up and do it. You are at no obligation to contribute since nothing was done for you on your special days(except throw an attention seeking episode). Stick up for yourself respectfully and contribute in the way you want to(if any) but not because you feel obliged. I would probably send over a link for a template and that's it. Her own sister should be doing this stuff.
I agree that her own sister should do it, but she won't. Alot of the responsibility is being left to my MIL to do (or at least that is what is seems). At the end of the day, my MIL is the one I am upset with, not the bride. You are 100% correct in that I should be sticking up for myself, but it is something that I am good at doing and I just keep reminding myself that it is something nice I am doing for the bride, and not my MIL... They will be my in-laws forever, so it's better not to rock the boat!
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| Posted 2/11/16 9:31 AM |
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bunnyluck
LIF Adult
Member since 1/14 3196 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
If I could do it, I would probably just suck it up and do it. Include it as part of your gift if your MIL does not pay. You can write in the card, "I hope you love the decorations and XXX" and get something small. That's what I'd do. That stuff really does add up.
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| Posted 2/11/16 9:37 AM |
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alexb
LIF Adult
Member since 5/13 960 total posts
Name:
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MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
I would do it... I have in-laws that have never contributed a cent for anything but this is something i would probably do just to be the bigger person.
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| Posted 2/11/16 5:26 PM |
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Re: MIL vent/question spinoff: SIL's shower
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Message edited 3/6/2016 9:11:55 PM.
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| Posted 2/11/16 6:21 PM |
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