kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

So... I don't go out socially. Ds is 16 m and I work 3 days a week. Dh works 5 days a week. I know for sure dh would be happy for me to go out to dinner or movie with a friend but... I still feel weird about it. Because..... I feel dh does soooo much already. Works his asss off and one night he cares for baby solo while I am working amd one full day each weekend while I work. So its not like I am a full time sahm that must get out kwim? I need a social life besides the park w ds but how do u find the time plus not feel guilty when u know ur dh is dog tired from working yet say ok babe u feed him chase him around all night and put him to bed while I go out?? Lol. We do givbe each other breaks when we have our one day together ie. Dh runs errands for a few hours and then I get nails done etc. But .... Please teach me how to stop being a social hermit bc I am a momma now!! Lol tia!!!

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

I go out at night. DH puts the kids to sleep and then has time to himself! I don't get what's to feel bad about??

kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

i never go out either, hubby and i both work full time but opposite schedules so child care is an issue. i've just resigned myself to watching a lot of tv. at night. LOL

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

I usually get the kids ready for bed and all he has to do is put them to sleep, which my DS doesn't go to bed until 9 ish.

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

We take turns! We each get 1-2 nights a month to go out/do stuff and the other stays home. It's the only way to do it with 2 FT working parents. It was/is harder for me to be away from the baby than to put the responsibilities on him for a night. Everyone needs and deserves a break though. And DD goes to be 10ish too, so I know how that goes LOL.

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

DH and I both work FT.

We usually do most things together with kids.
Once in a while (every 2 months or so), we take turns watching kids so that one can go out with friends at night (DC go to sleep at 9).

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

I'm a SAHM, DH works 5 days a week. We each take one night a week to go out with friends.
we usually leave after dinner though- and just go out for coffee or a drink. Or sometimes I'll go to Target and wonder around since they're open until 11 LOL
On the nights I go out, I give DS his bath while DH cooks dinner. Then I leaveright after dinner, and all DH has to do is put DS's pajamas on a read him a book. He goes to bed around 8/8:30 though- so DH still gets time to himself.
Same thing the nights DH goes out. He might help me read books with DS around 8 or so, and then head out to meet his friends.
SOO like somebody else said... maybe you have to work on getting DS to bed earlier?? Maybe give him a shorter nap in the afternoon so hes more tired at night? Or wake him up a little earlier in the morning? DS used to go to bed closer to 9:30- so I get it!!! but the earlier bedtime is definitely better all around! everybody needs a break!

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

we both work FT but i just go out. i dont go out often and DH probably goes out less than me.
no need to feel guilty going once in a while should really be no big deal


though in my house DH is responsible for bed time anyway

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

You really have to make time for yourself, and you and DH alone. I find it a must to keep the balance. I know myself, Im a better wife than mother. My son will eventually leave, and I will be with my dh. You need the personal time for sanity. There is nothing worse than losing yourself. I felt bad the first few times, but then realized I was Me before I was Mommy. Jmho

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

I only go out during nap time for lunch or night time after they are in bed. It's just easier. My little one in so attached to me and screams when I leave. I'd rather just go out when they don't know I'm gone.

Message edited 9/5/2013 8:58:28 AM.

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

It's a little different for me because DH is pretty much a stay at home dad.
So of course I feel a bit guilty if he's been home with a very difficult toddler ALL day then I am like- oh and by the way, I'm going out after work so you get NO break!
What I try to do is plan my nights out on days she is in school- so he has all day to himself and only has to deal with all her drama from 6 pm until I get home from my night out.
Like you- she has a very late bedtime that we can't seem to make any earlier so it's not like we get a break at 8 pm when she goes to bed or anything like that.
But you just need to do it- and then let your DH do it- so you don't feel so guilty.

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

My ds is only 7 weeks old but in my mind I have already planned a system so dh and I dont just become mommy and daddy but still husband and wife.

I plan on having 1 fun night a month together with dh and friends while my mom watches dh. I know that people sometimes go out separately which I think is important also but I feel it is also important to have fun with dh together. Dont feel guilty everyone needs a break.

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

Honestly.. you just have to make time.
We hire babysitters and go out as a couple about once a month and I try to get together with my girlfriends for dinner and drinks that often too when it's possible.
I hire the sitter for earlier too. DS loves to have his teachers from daycare come over and play with him etc so they aren't just putting him to bed!

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

i'm a sahm but... I occasionally go out for coffee with a friend and once a week I go to a zumba class. I go at 7:30, after I've put dd to bed for the night.
otherwise, I try to ask my mom or sister to watch dd. like I have plans to go to the mall with a friend - without the kids - next month, and asked my mom to watch dd.

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

I don't go out that often. All of my mom friends try to make plans to get together without the kids, but it's tough coordinating since we all work full-time too.

We've found that meeting for breakfast at a diner on the weekends has worked out the best for us. We meet early, it's relatively inexpensive, and the diner doesn't rush us out. Plus, on the weekends, the diner is full of families and it's loud, so if one of us has to bring a child or two, it's fine. And since it's loud, we can get away with laughing hysterically and no one notices (or at least we hope not!).

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

DH and I both work full time and work late often. We are both tired! We don't feel bad if one has a night out with the guys or girls.
As it is, within 2 months, DH had 2 overnight bach parties and I had a late night bachelorette party, then add a couple of other random things to that!

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

When I lived in Manhattan, I didn't have many mommy friends and most of my friends were single or non-parents. I saw them pretty often. My main time to see friends was lunch in midtown when I worked. When I went out for maternity for DS#2 (did not go back to that job), I would very often go on evening walks with my girlfriends and bring the baby with me for stroller walks, ice cream, dessert, etc. I also went out solo for ~2 hr breaks for mani/pedi with friends.

We eventually moved out of state and I no longer have non-parent friends locally. We also now live in the suburbs so it is different. I have made some good mom friends and we go out about once a month without the kids. The only time I go out with my old friends is for bridal festivities. DH lets me take trips up to NYC solo occasionally and I pack in all my girlfriend time in a short weekend.

I miss living in Manhattan!

eta: Just wanted to add that I have ZERO guilt to DH about going out. It's guilt to the kids. If my 2yo is balling because I leave, it often is not worth it. I usually step out when the 2yo is sleeping/napping.

Message edited 9/6/2013 11:26:00 AM.

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

I have a wonderful group of mommy friends who all equally feel the need to get out once a month or so.

We start on the later side - meeting at a restaurant around 8/8:30 - so that basically all that is left to do with the kiddies is to put them to sleep. Most nights once our kids are down, that is it for the rest of the night.

You definitely need to find some time to have grown up conversation and get out of the house.

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

I go out often with my girlfriends but our kids go to sleep really early. I think if they went to sleep later, going out without DH would be a lot more difficult. It would happen, but not nearly as often as it does now.

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?

Most of my friends have young kids 2 and under, so it takes a lot of planning for us to go out without kids, and most of us don't have available local family. I'm talking once a year for our schedules to all work out.

ETA: If I was a SAHM, I'd have more desire to get out more and probably make more effort. As it is now, I enjoy my time at home since I get plenty of adult interaction at work, even though I'm a teacher LOL.

Message edited 9/5/2013 8:10:11 PM.

Re: kinda off topic..how do you go out with friends?