Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

Sorry ... just need to vent.


I'm 7 months preggo with baby # 2. DS is 2. My mom (who lives here on LI) has been in Florida "snowbirding" since December and has decided to stay until mid-March. I'm exhausted and feel huge. The recent blizzard hasn't made it any easier.

On top of that, DH's parents (who live year round in FL) have decided they will come in NY after this baby is born to visit. They came 2 weeks before with their other son's children's births.

I just feel like no one is around to help out. DH does the best he can but he works with a long commute. I feel like my friends and family "disappear" during my pregnancy and they suddenly re-emerge after the baby is born.

ETA I have to say that I'm really disappointed at some of the comments on here about my post. I have read countless venting posts, girls being overwhelmed and exhausted about their pregnancies. I've always been so impressed that LIF posters would offer advice and support in these situations. Now, I make a venting post and I get responses basically saying "don't expect other people to change their lives for you."

Honestly, not supportive nor helpful.

Message edited 3/13/2013 1:14:23 PM.

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

Help out how?

My family and DHs all live nearby and DH works late everynight but i rarely ask for help other than the occassional watch DS for an hr or 2 while I am at the dr (since I go straight from work) but they are always willing to help if I needed it.

It is exhausting but i find it more exhaisting when people come over lol

Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

I learned when planning my wedding that the only person that I can count on is myself and if I really need help to just ask for it instead of hoping that people would come around and help me out.

Can you call someone and ask them to help you with whatever you need help for? Maybe they just figured that they didn't help last time so they don't need to help this time around.

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

from our parents? not really, the occasional babysitting gig so we could grab dinner but nothing more than that.

i was blessed with a pretty easy pregnancy though having a 2.5 year old was exhausting.

it only gets even more tiring once #2 arrives hang on! do what you can when you can.

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

My DH has been extra helpful with heavier housework that I would normally take care of. I've also been on bed rest a few times so far and my parents have dropped off meals and stuff for me and DH and spend the day here to change up the routine a little. Bed rest can get monotonous and visitors help a ton.

As far as friends.. I don't need help from friends and don't expect them to go out of their way. Picking up the phone once in a while to text or call to check in? Well that's another story

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

While I understand your frustration, people's lives don't stop because you're pregnant. Your parents all have a right to spend their time as they wish without having to feel guilty they aren't helping you. I guess I'm confused about what kind of help you're even looking for.

I am 8 months pregnant, I am exhausted and huge but I still have no choice but to take care of my 4 yr old DD, clean the house, run my errands, etc. Life doesn't stop because I am pregnant and I certainly don't expect anyone else in my family to come over and do these things for me. DH helps more when he can but other than that, I just have to carry on regardless of being pregnant.

It's not easy being pregnant and having to get things done (trust me, I get that 100%) but honestly, what other choice do you have? Realistically, I think it's a bit of a reach to expect anyone to go out of their way more than usual just because you're pregnant. Hang in there, it's almost over!!!

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

My thing is I treat people how I would like to be treated . So in circumstances like this I would think " what would I do if my daughter was pregnant, would I go out of my way to help her?" I cannot imagine not trying to help my child to make things easier for her, even as an adult. I think your mom or in laws * should* help you but you know , not everyone is selfless . Would it pissed me off a lil? Yep! Im kinda in a similiar position but I have no parents and only my mother in law who puts her dating life before her kids & grandkids. Right now, Im basicly bed ridden with severe sciatica and cannot walk without assistance let alone take care of my house for the last couple of weeks. My husbands trys his best to help but he works until 10pm most nights and can only do so much. My MIL told me she was gonna come over today to " help me out" but instead she came to take the kids for happy meal and quickly left to go back to her boyfriends house. Instead of taking time off of work to be around to help watch the kids when I give birth, she took off to go on a romantic vacation with her new BF a couple weeks after the baby is born. So yeah stuff like that irks me. I can never abandon my daughter or daughter in law about to have my grandchild for the sake of the comfort of a social life at the present moment. It's not like you are asking for a years worth of assistance, just a week or two so you can be a lil less stressed during a very vital part especially physically . The only advice I have is let go of expectations of perfectionism ( problem I have) just try to get through day by day and def dont sugar coat things when they ask how you are doing.

Message edited 2/16/2013 5:11:32 PM.

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

have you asked for help?

sometimes we assume people just know how to help or know that we even want help.

if i was in your shoes and feeling overwhelmed, i would probably ask my mom if she could come home earlier. maybe she would if she was asked.

Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

People's lives don't stop and I would never expect my parents to change their lives because I was PG. and I would much rather the help after the baby was born.

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

I agree with the others who have said if you want help you should ask. I don't think I would just offer to help out a friend or family memeber who was expecting unless she asked and I wouldn't expect that from someone else either. People may not even think you need/want help since this is your second and you have BTDT. If you're feeling overwhelmed it is better to ask than not say anything and harbor resentment towards people who may not even think you want/need it.

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

I know how you feel. It sucks. Between work & his commute my dh is gone a minimum of 13hrs a day. He alternates working overnights too. He is basically never home, or sleeping when he is unless it is his days off. My dd will be 3 in April, & dd#2 is due end of June. It is exhausting! My dd doesn't nap or sttn. I don't know how I function most days. Just grocery shopping w/ dd can wipe me out the rest of thr day. The lifiting & getting down on the floor w/ a toddler isn't the easiest thing now either.
We have family but IL's "helping" isn't really much help, more like extra work. My parents are really busy & I do ask for help, but not much b/c I feel like they get annoyed. Somedays I just want to sit on the couch & cry because I am so tired & dd is so demaning. Lots of hugs for you. Hang in there. Many of my friends have said it is easier taking care of two than taking care of a toddler pregnant. Here is hoping for that for us both! Ask for help it can't hurt?

Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

Just my husband! This is my fourth so I feel like most people just dont even care at this point and think I can handle it myself. Very few even ask me how I'm feeling. I'm only 16 weeks, but this has been the hardest pregnancy and I could have used some help with my other kids in the beginning when I could barely get up from nausea.

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

What do you mean by help out? This is my pregnancy #2 also and life has really just continued as usual, I just also happen to be pregnant. We have to move DS out of his room and into his new room (which is currently the office) but we've been doing it a little at time. As soon as he is fully into his new room, we'll convert his old room into the new baby's room. We are doing all of that ourselves though. If you mean are people coming over to babysit, clean or cook for us because I'm pregnant, then no, they're not doing that.

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

I just wanted to chime on on this one since the idea of help for me is a little more needed for me.

I have been horribly sick this whole pregnancy. Whenever I exert myself, it particular bending over, picking things up, walking fast-anything that raises my heart rate more than normal i throw up. I throw up even without that stimulus but if i try to clean, put away laundry, I throw up like clockwork. I also have MASSIVE aversion to dirty dishes left in the sink and old food left out.

As a result, 90% of every square inch of my home is cluttered with stuff, toys, clothes, anything and something. My sink is overfilled with filled cereal bowls all over the kitchen. I cant even enter the room.Most of this is from DH since i only used paper plates to avoid this.

DH dosent help me nearly as much as he could and refuses to get a maid. I have no help. So I completely empathize with the lack of help. I have become incredibly depressed, miserable and even regret this pregnancy as a result sometimes.

So I totally understand where you are coming from. I wish I could just go about life normal with a little nausea, massive fatigue and aches of pregnancy like many but its just not possible for me right now since its so much more severe and the help would change my life right now.

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

I really understand what you are trying to say. I did and do ask for help from my mom when I need it and she's more than happy to do whatever, but I have to ask. I'm not sure if our situation is unique because of other factors (my mom's a nurse, but doesn't work anymore, we lived with my parents for the first 5 months of this pregnancy, and my husband works insane hours), but my mom will often come over and take my older daughter out for the day, or take her to her music class. My daughter also loves sleeping at grandma's house every so often. Towards the end of my pregnancy I got an awful UTI and couldn't move around much and my mom spent the night in our guest room and basically saved my sanity the last few days. All that said, most of the time I have to ask. Before I signed DD up for music this time I knew it would be difficult to go with her when the baby came so I asked my mom if she would do it for a few weeks, etc. She aslo really will only help with DD, she's not about to come over and cook or clean for me even if I asked. My friends/rest of my family never offered help nor did I ask.

I fully admit I am super lucky to have a mom like her! I also really hope to do the same for my daughters if I can. If you need help ask!! I'm also looking into getting a mothers helper over the summer so maybe that would work for you too?

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

Yup. I think its just the way it is. They want to help when the baby is here (hopefully). My family has been helpful but its still hard with a 2 year old.

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

Message edited 2/18/2013 10:32:16 AM.

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

I have to say I have been extremely lucky that my mom and Dh are super helpful with me being preggers.. especially around the house.. We have had major construction going on and its been difficult to get certain things done.. DH has done a lot of it and my mom would come over and help me clean and mop floors and such.. lately its getting harder since I have this groin/sciatica pain that has been really hurting me when I walk. Yesterday DH told me to lay down while he did a lot of stuff around the house. I do feel useless at times but I just don't want to over do it especially since this is my first and I don't know what to expect!

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

Re: Is anyone helping you out during your pregnancy?

how would you want people to help? Maybe by watching your LO so you can take a nap? Clean your house...???
Not sure what anyone would really be able to do.
No, nobody helps me. All of our parents travel during the winter and quite frankly, they'd just get in my way and annoy me. I'm better off doing it by myself and being thankful for having DH to help out.