Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Yes, I get the attitude of, "oh, you just don't know what it is like for me." I have a ton on my plate and I do not say that to people! What I really hate is the unsolicited advice from people who say things like,"trust me, I have 3 kids." Am I somehow not as smart because I have 1? With 1-2 of those people I wanted to respond, "yes but you allow all 3 to run into the street and you don't supervise them, so I really don't have confidence in your advice." Before anyone gets offended, note that I am not referring to everyone who has more kids than I do, just a couple of situations I have seen.

Message edited 1/28/2013 1:19:22 AM.

Moms of one only.... Come in

I can relate as well. I have an amazing dd who is 7 months old. I absolutely adore her. I work pt and feel i dont have enough time to get everything done some days. I seriously question and doubt that i want another child. I like many women i see posting always assumed that i wanted 2 children and to be a sahm. But now isee how hard it can be.
I see my few friends that have 2 kids and they seem so stressed. Their relationships with their husbands seems soo strained. They just look soo unhappy to me and i dont want that.
Emotionally becoming a mother has been very hard on me. Harder than i ever imagined. I had a bout of post partum. Im scared to go through that again. While my husband is absolutely wonderful all of this falls more on me than hkm. I run this household not him. I take care of all her needs. I just cant imagine having 2. I cant imagine being pregnant and having to take care of my dd. Pregnancy was rough for me.

I cant stand when people constantly pressure me to have a 2nd child and tell me how selfish i am if i dont. I tell them to get pregnant and care for the baby then!!!
The best is when my miserable.friends tell me how horrible their lives are with 2-3 kids how it only gets worse and then ask me when i plan to have 2nd?!!!
I just think being a mom is a very personal experience and the number of children you have does not determine the kind of mom you are. Being a great mom is about spending quality time with your baby. Giving that baby your attention and doing things thy enjoy that will help them grow. Its about being there emotionally and supporting thrm. Loving them. That to me makes a great mom.

Message edited 1/28/2013 6:32:21 AM.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Yes, I know what you are talking about. I have also heard “You’re not really parent until you’ve had at least two” or when they find out we only have one “oh you have it so easy”. Its like they forgot what it was to be a mom of one for any amount of time.

Being a parent is hard, period. Rich, poor, single, married, healthy or disabled, one or many. Being a parent is a responsibility and an ever changing one.

It does bug me that some feel either jealous of me, superior to me or judge me because I chose to stop at one. If you think I have so much free time, why do you spend so much of yours worrying about mine? Ha!

My defensive mechanism is to say to myself “I’m lucky to have only one” and save myself and her a little smile. Honestly every time its just the two of us doing something together (especially down times) I feel so lucky. But having only one is a lot of work. I’m just as busy as those moms and I work full time and part time.

We all do what we can for our children (one or many) but yes, I do see those looks. Oh well.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

I am only an only child myself, so I lived this life and I have one child and am 90% I am done. I am at FT working mom and find that I am at times very overwhelmed with both FT jobs, mom and work. I feel like there is never enough time to be with my son and never enough time to get things done. I know from my own experience that I was given more opportunities because I was an only child and I feel that my husband and I will be able to do more with one, than 2. Partially money and partially time. I waited until my late 30's to have my son and I want to give him the world so for me that is why I dont know if 2 is in the cards for me. I dont listen to people because only you know what you can handle and if they can handle 2 or more good for them. But I dont think my mom was less of a mom because she had one and I dont think I am less of a mom because I had one I think for me I am a great mom because I know what is best for my son and my family and if just having him is what that is, than I am a great mom.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Message edited 1/28/2013 12:18:59 PM.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

I knew as soon as DS was born that i was done. There is NO way i could handle a newborn again, and frankly i don't want to. DH thought that maybe once more time would have gone by and things got 'easier' that i'd change my mind. Nope, if anything its solidified my decision.

I love DS more than anything, and I love our life together as a little family unit, and i'm very happy with how we are.
I don't begrudge anyone else for wanting more than one, and in fact i sometimes secretly think they're better mom's than i am for being able to do it again... but it still doesn't change my opinion of what i want for myself.

so, i listen to the constant comments from family and friends about 'when are you having another' and smile and nod and try not to bark back at them, but one day i may not be in a good mood and something not so nice may slip out in response

all this rambling basically says that none of it is anyone elses business except for you and your DH

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

I also think it's pretty ballsy of people to ask when I'm having another one.

I'm now in my late 30's and if this board is any example, what's to say that I wasn't struggling with a fertility issue or something?

Just another example of why people need to MTOB.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

Being a parent of one is hard work!! My DD is just about 5 months and I cannot imagine having more than one. She is a great baby, but I work FT, in the city. After she goes to bed I'm prepping everything for the next day. DH and I both work a lot and both share housework, but to be honest there is no time to clean We're lucky we have food to eat. I swear I need another day on the weekend just so I have some time for myself!

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in

I always feel like I'm just not cut out to have more then one, I don't think I could handle it.
I try not to complain too much to mothers of more then one because I feel like I have no right. I can't imagine how they do it.

Re: Moms of one only.... Come in