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WWYD - old friend and wedding related
Ok, I'm going to try and make this as simple of a storyline as possible.
I have a friend, we have known each other since 6th grade and best friends since 10th grade.
Maybe 6 years ago, we started drifting our separate ways as friends sadly do. We kept in touch through FB, emails and texts and saw each other maybe 2x per year.
The last time we spoke (through FB messages about 6 months ago), we faced the facts. We werent REALLY friends anymore, not in that "special" way and even though we would always be best friends in our hearts, we just dont make time for each other in person and that was ok.
She got divorced and met a new guy about a year ago and now they are getting married. In that last back and forth message, she addressed the fact that it was a shock that I wasnt going to be in the wedding party and not even sure if she should invite me to the wedding at all. I basically said that I was fine with our relationship maintained through the internet.
A week or 2 ago, she posted her STD on FB and it said "coming soon to a mailbox near you". Ok, that never came but an invite to her bridal shower did.
I guess you know where this is headed...
What should I do? Go to the shower? Am I invited to the wedding? Why didnt I get a STD?
Very awkward to say the least. I need advice. TIA
Message edited 12/18/2012 11:19:50 AM.
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Posted 12/18/12 11:18 AM  |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - old friend and wedding related
After a conversation with someone about how she may or may not invite me to the wedding & the strangeness of our relationship, I'd see no point in going to her shower or her wedding.
IMO, if someone is trying to reconnect, inviting you to a shower isn't the way to do it. Grab a coffee yes; invite you to a gift giving event, no.
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| Posted 12/18/12 11:26 AM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: WWYD - old friend and wedding related
Do you think the person throwing the shower just assumed you should be invited?
Are you guys local (within 2 hour drive)?
If she was my former best friend and she wanted me to come, I would go if it was local.
I obviously wouldn't go if I was invited by accident.
I have no problems with sending an old friend a gift. I have much more difficulty taking the time out to go to a wedding, esp since we moved down to the DC area.
I have a friend who was in a similar situation. They were childhood best friends and drifted apart. My friend went to the old friend's wedding and brought her a gift. She was not invited to the shower/bachelorette party. At the same time, my friend invited her friend to both the bridal shower and wedding and her friend did not come.
Message edited 12/18/2012 11:30:22 AM.
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| Posted 12/18/12 11:27 AM |
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Re: WWYD - old friend and wedding related
Posted by Bridex100
Do you think the person throwing the shower just assumed you should be invited?
Are you guys local (within 2 hour drive)?
If she was my former best friend and she wanted me to come, I would go if it was local.
I obviously wouldn't go if I was invited by accident.
This was my initial thought but my sister brought up a good point, how would that bridesmaid who sent me the invite get my address? My friend had to have given it to her.
Yes, it is local.
Weird to also drop $200 plus on a friend who I havent seen in over a year and that we have openly said that we arent friends like that anymore...
But what if it is her backwards way of giving us one last chance? IDK
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| Posted 12/18/12 11:30 AM |
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BeachGrl
LIF Adult
Member since 10/11 2140 total posts
Name:
Kristy
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WWYD - old friend and wedding related
I probably wouldn't go to the bridal shower if I wasn't invited to the wedding. I would feel kind of weird about it
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| Posted 12/18/12 11:34 AM |
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halfbaked
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6937 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - old friend and wedding related
I wouldn't be going to either. I'd hope that your name/address was included on a preliminary guest list since the bride was still undecided on inviting you. Maybe she just forwarded the list to the BM and your name got thrown in from there. Strange either way though.
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| Posted 12/18/12 11:35 AM |
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moonmist09
Thank you, St. Gerard!
Member since 2/11 5043 total posts
Name:
Antonella
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WWYD - old friend and wedding related
i wouldn't go
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| Posted 12/18/12 11:48 AM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD - old friend and wedding related
Posted by nrthshgrl
After a conversation with someone about how she may or may not invite me to the wedding & the strangeness of our relationship, I'd see no point in going to her shower or her wedding.
IMO, if someone is trying to reconnect, inviting you to a shower isn't the way to do it. Grab a coffee yes; invite you to a gift giving event, no.
I agree.
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| Posted 12/18/12 11:49 AM |
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Pumpkin1
LIF Adult
Member since 12/05 3715 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - old friend and wedding related
Take it one step at a time. I wouldn't attend the shower but send a small gift. Then, once the wedding invitation (if one does come), decide if want to go. Honestly, I can't see them sending you a shower invitation without inviting you to the wedding because that's just rude.
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| Posted 12/18/12 11:54 AM |
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JDubs
different, not less
Member since 7/09 13160 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - old friend and wedding related
i feel like you guys established in your conversation that you weren't really friends anymore, and based on that, if it was me i wouldn't go to the shower or wedding and just wish her well.
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| Posted 12/18/12 11:57 AM |
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SusiBee
. . . . .
Member since 3/09 8268 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: WWYD - old friend and wedding related
If she had doubts about inviting you to the wedding, and actually told you that, I wouldn't attend the shower or the wedding even if you receive an invite.
It's awkward.
I would send a small gift though, just because you did have a friendship and it fizzled instead of ending on a bad note.
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| Posted 12/18/12 11:57 AM |
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PaddysGirl
Little princess is here!
Member since 4/07 5923 total posts
Name:
Crystal
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Re: WWYD - old friend and wedding related
Posted by Pumpkin1
Take it one step at a time. I wouldn't attend the shower but send a small gift. Then, once the wedding invitation (if one does come), decide if want to go. Honestly, I can't see them sending you a shower invitation without inviting you to the wedding because that's just rude.
i agree with this.
I know I did STDs for OOT guests only. it was a way to save a little cash
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| Posted 12/18/12 11:57 AM |
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HomeIsWithU
Baby #2 on the way!
Member since 9/07 7816 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: WWYD - old friend and wedding related
Posted by Pumpkin1
Take it one step at a time. I wouldn't attend the shower but send a small gift. Then, once the wedding invitation (if one does come), decide if want to go. Honestly, I can't see them sending you a shower invitation without inviting you to the wedding because that's just rude.
I agree with this 
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| Posted 12/18/12 12:00 PM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17795 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - old friend and wedding related
Posted by HomeIsWithU
Posted by Pumpkin1
Take it one step at a time. I wouldn't attend the shower but send a small gift. Then, once the wedding invitation (if one does come), decide if want to go. Honestly, I can't see them sending you a shower invitation without inviting you to the wedding because that's just rude.
I agree with this
Me too - although I find it odd that she texted you saying that she wasn't even sure you would be invited to the wedding...
One of my close friends from HS and I have drifted apart too - she had a traumatic breakup and withdrew for awhile and is horrible at keeping in touch. She's getting married this year and invited me and I RSVPed yes. Although we aren't as close as we used to be - she's still one of my oldest friends and I want to be there for her big day!
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| Posted 12/18/12 12:05 PM |
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Salason
♥
Member since 6/05 9878 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - old friend and wedding related
Posted by Pumpkin1
Take it one step at a time. I wouldn't attend the shower but send a small gift. Then, once the wedding invitation (if one does come), decide if want to go. Honestly, I can't see them sending you a shower invitation without inviting you to the wedding because that's just rude.
I agree.
And on the flip side... I had a best friend from HS and college (sorority sisters). We lost touch for a few years until I got a shower invitation and then a wedding invitation. I was taken a back and sent a shower gift and when i never got a phone call following that i didnt even bother sending a wedding gift. Didnt invite her to mine either.
Fast forward a few years, we reconnect on FB, have DS' at the same time and now hang out as often as we can (still only a few times a year due to distance though.) It bugs me to NO END that I didnt go to her wedding. Sorry for the long winded answer but point being real friends can lose touch for a few years esp if you're at different stages of your life but if you were real friends with to begin with, its likely you can reconnect in the future. Only you can answer whether that is a possibiity for you guys but I would base my decision on that.
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| Posted 12/18/12 1:36 PM |
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Eunyboo
<3
Member since 7/12 4376 total posts
Name:
E
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Re: WWYD - old friend and wedding related
Posted by SusiBee
If she had doubts about inviting you to the wedding, and actually told you that, I wouldn't attend the shower or the wedding even if you receive an invite.
It's awkward.
I would send a small gift though, just because you did have a friendship and it fizzled instead of ending on a bad note.
Thisss!
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| Posted 12/18/12 3:14 PM |
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