Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?

I'm having some mommy guilt about DS#2. We focus all our free time on DS#1's activities and friends. We drag DS#1 around all the time despite his nap time.

I have barely spent any time on focusing on DS#2's playmates.

DS#2 gets nothing new. He gets everything used from his older brother while his brother gets new things all the time.

DS#2 did not get his own 1st birthday party. I ended up doing a joint 1st and 3rd birthday party. Their birthdays are 1 day apart.

Now I'm throwing a Halloween party for DS#1's preschool class and am not planning to invite DS#2's class.

DH said he does not want to have separate birthday parties for the boys this year either.

I feel bad that DS#2 is constantly being shafted.

Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?

I think your little one has the best toy of all...a big brother! I'm sure he enjoys all of the experiences he's having just being around his older brother. I don't think joint parties and hand me downs mean he's getting shafted at all. As they get older, I'm sure your younger guy will develop more of his own interests and friends and things will change in terms of getting his own stuff, doing his own activities, and seeing his own friends as he gets older. I grew up two years younger than my sister and loved it. I loved having joint birthday parties and tagging along to my older sister's activities!

Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?

I think he's still too young to feel shafted. Did you do any of this stuff for DS 1 when he was this age (other than the b-day party)?

DS 2 gets dragged around as well but, he seems to enjoy it and is more adaptable than DS 1 ever was.

Re: Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?

Re: Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?

Definitiley; but at least they have no idea.

We have playdates with DD1's friends because I'm friends with those moms. My younger two come along for the ride, and there is a mix of age of siblings since most of us have had more kids by now. I don't make playdates with "friends" of my little ones like I did when my older one was their age so they don't have disctinct friends of their own.

At least DS gets his own clothes, DD2 wears mostly hand me downs of DD1.

Heck, DS plays with his sister's old, pink bubble lawn mower. That will change on Christmas when he get his very own blue one-woo hoo!

ETA: DD2 got invited to a few 1st birthday parties for kids in her daycare class. However, we didn't go.

I do try to carve out time for each of the kids so the world does not revolve only around the oldest. DD1 needs to learn this too!

Message edited 10/17/2012 1:50:50 PM.

Re: Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?

Yes sometimes DS #2 def.gets "put aside" a little due primarily to the fact that DS #1 is autisic and needs a lot more attention. I do however always make a point to do little things here and there with each individual child. For example this summer while DS #1 was at preschool I took DS#2 to the waterpark. Or I will make sure I buy DS#2 a little something once in a while (He has all of his big brother's hand me downs too) It is important to make sure each child feels loved and as important as all their siblings.

Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?

They don't know any different.

Re: Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?

Yup... Same here. My 15 month old always gets the shaft, but he doesn't know it. My 3 yr old is always trying to get my attention, wanting to play his age appropriate games and we go on his playdates.
My baby doesn't seem to mind. He gets excited evy time my 3 yr old gets picked up on the bus. He even yells "Bus!" when it comes. It's hysterical.
He loves whatever his older brother plays and so far easy going about his older brother taking toys away. I usually tell my 3 yr old not to take his toys away, but the baby gets distracted too easy he doesn't know so I tell the older one to give him a toy in its place.
I read to the two of them every night, but the baby can't sit still for anything so he winds up in his crib and goes right to sleep.
I'm a third. Imy family always jokes that I got the rusty swingset bc by the time I could use it it was rusting.
I didn't know any better. Now I'm close with my older siblings and the most independent. I notice my 15 month old is also independent. Goes to sleep on his own great, plays well on his own and doesn't ask to be picked up like his older brother.

Re: Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?

honestly, if you feel this way, do soemthing about it.

give his little amigos their own little halloween party.

buy him something new and special and uniquely his.

this is something you can totally remedy if you feel like he is getting the short end. but I am sure it's just your perception. if he seems happy, he probably is with no concept of these things.

Re: Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?

I think you should make a point of getting your second child a new gift. Even if it is a new train or a new matchbox car, he should get something new. I can understand having a joint birthday party at that age, but I would invite his classmates over for the halloween party too. I think you are setting yourselves up for a problem later on that you can really easily correct now. It will lead to resentment when he is older that you play favorites with your older child. He deserves to have activities as well. When did you start activities for your older one? Was he the age of the younger one now? If so, I would start them for the younger one as well. It is not fair to devote all of your resources to one child when you have two.

Re: Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?

Message edited 10/17/2012 3:11:31 PM.

Re: Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?

My bosya re only 14 months apart so there are definately hand me downs and shared toys, but the LO still get some new clothes and always gets new holiday outfits.

I agree you should invite all friends to the halloween party. I think for now it is ok to have the shared party since they really don't know any different as long as ds#2 has some firiends there as well. Make sure they each get a cake though.

You probably will have to split the bdays when they both get a little older. My brothers were 1 day apart so they had seperate parties for awhile. To this day my brothers get a cake of there own each even when they celebrate together.

Re: Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?

I'm a twin so sharing a birthday was never an issue for me. There is nothing wrong with joint birthday parties but you need to invite some of his friends too.

As a pp put it, he's too young to feel shafted but when he gets older & you have a bunch of photos of #1's birthday, he's going to ask about his.

I would tell DH he has a choice, more people at a party or a second party.

I don't feel like the younger sibling gets shafted as much as I feel the lower maintenance, easy child gets the shaft.

Message edited 10/17/2012 3:22:00 PM.

Re: Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?

Re: Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?

the baby is under 2......... i don't think its a big deal yet that they have alot of hand me downs.....

The way I look at it. THey will get new clothes/toys on their birthday and holidays.... Its not like they never get anything.....

I'd say get seperate cakes for the birthdays instead of sharing them.

But I don't think you need a halloween party for 1 year olds..if you started #1 party when he's 3, then start #2 parties when they turn 3.....

Re: Do you feel like the younger sibling is constantly shafted?