Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

Recently I have had people ask me if DH and I are planning on more kids. I tell them that we want another in a few years. I have had more than one person tell me something along the lines of "good, your daughter deserves a sibling. Don't let her be an only child. It is not fair to her".

Now I understand that a lot of only children wished they had siblings but having a sibling is not a guaranteed best friend.

DH and I want another child but I never thought I owed it to my daughter to have another.

Do you feel you owe your DC a sibling?

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

Funny you should post this because recently I have been thinking that I only want one. The only reason I would have a 2nd is for Andrew to have a brother or sister.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

Not at all. People say the weirdest cr@p!

I WANT to have at least one more child, but it's because I want that for my family not because I "owe" DS. If anything it's more for me than him

All you "owe" your child is to be the best parent you can be and provide a safe and loving home, which you do

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

No. I think everyone should decide what is best for them and their family.

Unless those people are going to go through the pregnancy for me and support my child financially, they should really mind their own business, IMO.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

We have kinda decided that we will only have one child. Everyone asks why would you do that?? I dont feel that I owe my child another sibling. I know she will be happy as an only child and have lots of friends and family and not be alone

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

People say this to me ALL THE TIME

DS is going to be an only child and I actually find quite insulting that AFTER I say that we are only having one that people insist on telling me what a disservice I am doing to my child by not giving him a sibling

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

We did decide we ultimately wanted two before even trying.

Then we just hoped and prayed for even one child

Just when we were trying to get used to the idea that , if lucky enough, we might just have one...

"Someone" else decided DC's would be siblings from conception on

Do what you feel comfortable with. There are so many people who feel the need to comment about # of children, age btwn them, etc., etc.. They don't live your life... do what you want.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

I come from a large family and have always wanted a large family for my children. i love having my brothers to lean on for love and support. i don't think i'll ever have a family as large as i imagined (5 children), however i know that i def want DS to have at least 1 sibling in the house (he has a half brother who lives w/Dh x-wife)

my best friend is an only child and she HATES it. she wants to have more than 1 b/c she feels that she missed out on a lot in life. her family is great, but when it comes down to it, when her parents get old and sick, she is the only one that will have to carry that burden. when her parents divorced, she was the only one who truly felt the pain, her cousins and friends were there for her, but it was different.

based on my experiences w/my friend and knowing how she feels, i def. want to give Rocco at least 1 other sibling in our house. i know i wouldn't know the difference, but my life would be so sad without my brothers in it - they have helped me become the woman i am today

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

Posted by Gatsbygirl

Not at all. People say the weirdest cr@p!

I WANT to have at least one more child, but it's because I want that for my family not because I "owe" DS. If anything it's more for me than him

All you "owe" your child is to be the best parent you can be and provide a safe and loving home, which you do

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

Yup, I hear this a lot especially from my mother who is a single child.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

As an only child I have to say...It was great! I really do not think I missed out at all and I love having such a close relationship with my mom because of it.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

Did I feel that I "owed" my daughter a sibling?? Probably not. But, I did have a strong desire for her to have one. I always felt that there was something special about shared history with a sibling.

That said, my kids are five years apart and for a while I didn't know that I would be able to have a second. That difficulty forced me to look inward and, for me, solidified my wanting to give my daughter a sibling. A friend of mine, who is much older, told me not to get bogged down in the daily details but, to instead picture what I envisioned my family looking like in a few years. For me, the answer was two children, But, everyone's answer is different and different things work for different families.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

I don't think it's a matter of "owing". I was an only child and I loved it. I just knew that I wanted to have another one after Jared was a certain age.

I hate when people make comments and tell you that you NEED to have another one.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

I don't think you "need" to do anything for your child in terms of a sibling. Only you know what's right for your family.

For me, yes I did. I wanted more than one child because I think changes the dynamic of the family & of the child in ways that I wanted. I'm not going to go into an only child debate with someone. I think it can be an advantage or disadvantage.

I wanted my child to have someone to turn to & say "You know how mom can be" complete with the . I wanted them to have someone who can share in having aging parents & dealing with the loss. I wanted them to have a chance at having a sibling so they didn't feel alone.

I am painfully aware that it's not a guarantee. Sometimes siblings don't get along. Sometimes they disappoint each other. Sometimes they can be more hurtful than anyone else because you expect more from them. But, I'm an optimist - particularly when it comes to my children. So yes, I do feel like I owed them one.

So far, so good.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

No - I don't feel like I "owe" him a sibling. I was an only child and loved it.

We do plan on having more kids but there is NOTHING wrong with having just one.

People are so out of line sometimes.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

My siblings wanted a dog. They got me. End of story.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

We had a second child because we felt like our family wasn't complete yet. I love seeing them playing together so happily, but Sarah was a happy girl before Andy was here too.

However, I am happy that they will have a sibling they can turn to when times get tough. My mom and her siblings have gone through a lot making decisions for their mother and I've seen how helpful it is to be able to talk it out. My mom's cousin is an only child and both of his parents got sick around the same time and it was a big emotional drain on him. He felt a lot of stress and pressure making all of the medical decisions on his own.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

I don't feel I "Owe" DS a sibling.
We definitley want more kids, simply because we want more kids.
It will be nice for DS to have a sibling, playmate, etc, but we don't OWE it to him.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

Actually I kind of felt like that. My brother and I were not close growing up. We have only gotten closer since he moved away. But I like that I don't feel alone. When things were going on between my parents during my wedding no one understood the situation better than my brother. I want to know that if something were to happen to my husband and I that my DD would have someone else that is a direct blood relation. Does that guarantee that they will be close and be there for each other? No, but I want to at least try for that for me daughter. If that doesn't develop with this one, oh well at least I tried.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

Don't worry, ladies. I plan on doing what is best for our family.

I think what bothered me (thus my post) is the idea that we, as parents, owe our children siblings. That's a big commitment to make for someone who might not WANT a sibling.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

I owe my child(ren) a safe, loving home that they can grow up in and parents that love and care for him/her (them).

I do not believe you OWE a child a sibling. A silbing does not promise that you will have a friend for life or that they will "help" you when times are tough. I know plenty of people whose siblings are an emotional drain of them and that when times are tough, their siblings run the other way. And I know siblings who are best of friends. I am one of 5 (some different parents but in my eyes all the same) and honestly I don't feel like I have this huge support system at all.

I think people need to do what is right for their families- not what others want for their family. An only child can get A LOT of advantages. They get a lot of attention, they never feel obligated to ask their sister to be their MOH when their best friend really should be, they get to be the center of attention and for many, their education may have more focus in terms of savings and time because the parents don't have to "split" it w/anyone.

I have 2 children and may want a 3rd but that is MY decision. Not because it is what someone else saw for my family.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

The only thing I feel bad about is vacationing with an only child. Vacations are where I had the most fun with my own sister. That is my own guilt, though. I think it is absolutely WRONG of anyone to tell me to feel that way and I would probably tell someone off if they did.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

Honestly, I do kind of feel that way but would NEVER impose how I feel on someone else. I would never say that to another.

I feel that I owe Megan a sibling because I know what it was like to have siblings. I know what it is like to experience my sister and brother being my best friends. I know the sibling love that forms. I know that having them means the world to me and I cannot picture my life without either of them. With that said, I also know tons of only children and tons of people who have only one child. And they are perfectly happy and content. What works for one, may not work for another and vice versa.

My sister and and I are best friends. I would LOVE for Megan to have a little sister to grow up with. I would love for her to have the relationship with her sister that I have with mine. My brother and I have a relationship that cannot be put into words. I adore him with every fiber of my being and he is like a son to me (almost 12 years difference between us). On the other hand, my dh has two older sisters whom he doesnt get along with at all. My mom has a sister that I can honestly say she literally hates. Who knows what would come of it, you cannot plan everything...but going by my experiences, yes I feel that I do owe Megan a sibling...but in the same respect, as someone else said..I also feel that our family isnt totally complete and that I would LOVE to bring another child in my world.

Re: Do you feel you "owe" DC a sibling?

My siblings are my favorite people other then Josh and Leo. All 6 of them, we have great bonds...they are my best friends.

I do think I owe Josh a sibling. It makes me feel better about the day that will come when he buries his last parent, that he will have a sibling by his side.

If for some reason, they don't speak or whatever, that would be their choice.