so upset..

I have posted before about ds behavior. He is 3. He pushes every single button until I can no longer deal. I yell at him. I hate yelling at him. But he seriously leaves no other option. I put him in time out, take toys away, NOTHING works. NOTHING. I put him in his room so I can take a break and he BANGS on the door so loud, so hard. I have a 9month old who needs to nap, but can not bc of ds1 behavior. He is mean to his brother, mean to me. I ask him to do something and he either won't do it or does the complete oppisite. I do not know where I went wrong. I tell him to please stop doing something and he does, but seconds later continues. I take his toy away and i say are you done? he says no, so i take away all toys and he still tells me he is not done. IS their a therapists that specializes in parenting and child behavior? I need help. I am putting in the towel. waving the white flag. I can no longer do this. I feel like i have failed this child and i am setting him up pporly for life. i need coping mechanisms for us both. please guide me.

please do not quote i will be deleting

so upset..

Maybe try a different approach? I had a lot of success with 1-2-3 Magic and using a sticker chart for DD1

Your DS sounds a lot like my DD1. You're not a failure, this parenting gig is a lot harder than people think.

Message edited 10/3/2012 1:29:53 PM.

Re: so upset..

Re: so upset..

You hit the nail on the head: He knows what he is doing is not right...he is just trying to see if your reaction will remain the same.

I have a button-pusher as well, and there are def. times I feel like a failure. I resort to yelling as well..I HATE it. I started to say to myself, I am the adult, don't become the child. This works at times, I also try to decide, is it really worth the argument. My son is almost 4 and things have gotten sooooo much better...he still pushes buttons but is most def.. more mature...he is the sweetest thing at times...and such a little you know what at others

I know how down you feel about yourself, but honestly, everyone goes through those points...parenting is the TOUGHEST job in the whole world. There are times when all of a sudden something stupid will set me off (bc I tried ignoring all the other stuff) and I will just have to yell. THen I apologize bc it wasn't there fault at all, I just lost my cool. I think we have to show our kids we make mistakes too...

I wish I had the golden answer...but I don't think there is one

Good luck...and just keep on reminding yourself that you are a good mom

Re: so upset..

Please take a look at this article, called
"Discipline is not a dirty word."

Discipline is not a dirty word

Its a legnthy article you can download it for free. It is a program we use during parenting groups at my school. It might contain something you could put to use.

Re: so upset..

Posted by tara73

Maybe try a different approach? I had a lot of success with 1-2-3 Magic and using a sticker chart for DD1

Your DS sounds a lot like my DD1. You're not a failure, this parenting gig is a lot harder than people think.

Re: so upset..

Can he get out of his crib? If not, put him in a time out there.

I have to do this with Owen every now and then because he sometimes has such bad tantrums that he can hurt himself. At least in the crib I know he is safe and he calms down pretty quickly.

Don't know if this will help for you?

Re: so upset..

I agree with everyone else regarding trying a different approach. He might be jealous of the attention you are giving the baby, so he might being provoking you to give him negative attention. I wouldn't yell, just talk firmly and strongly, and then follow-up with whatever punishment you decide. Even if he's banging down his door, don't give in. If you tell him, he's waking up the baby, that could provoke him more. Just move the baby elsewhere. From what I have seen on supernanny, you need to sit over him and force him to behave. You literally have to sit over him for hours and eventually he'll learn no means no.

Re: so upset..

My advice is to pick your battles. Also, if DS is doing something I don't want him to do and he won't stop after several requests, I redirect him to something else. For me, the key is to not raise my voice because then he KNOWS it pushes my buttons and he continues doing it. Also, I put his toys (or whatever he is playing with at the time) in a time out.

It's really difficult and sometimes I yell, but it's gotten a million times better since I started this approach. DS's behavior has definitely gotten worse since the new baby and this has helped a lot.

Message edited 10/3/2012 9:20:01 PM.