How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

I like to learn. Whenever I'm starting something new, I research every aspect of it. I read endlessly. I look for support from other people that have attempted the same thing. Before TTC, I followed the same pattern. But my DH isn't like that. He always "goes with the flow" which is great, usually. But lately, I feel really lonely.

I have no one IRL to talk to about TTC. Most of my friends aren't at that point yet. My mother, MIL, cousins, and a friend all got preggo by "accident" or on the first shot. (Every. Single. One). They're all kind of baffled by the idea that getting pregnant can take effort.

And then I got AF this week. After I burst into tears, Dh promised to (*gasp*) read a book, but said that most men are "clueless about this stuff." I disagreed.

So... are your DH/DP/SO's all as "clueless" as my husband claims? Or can you use terms like "luteal phase" and "CM" freely? And recommendations for books/videos/websites aimed at guys?

Thanks in advance.

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

oh sweety - i understand the way you are - i am the SAME way....

while i understand how you feel, as i said - i'm the SAME.... i wouldn't want DH to have TOO much knowledge.... from my standpoint - it put WAY too much pressure on dave....it made it harder for him to um....finish...because he kept thinking - THIS IS IT...THIS IS OUR BABY...etc.

at first - i would tell him everything - when i tested, etc...but as time wore on and i noticed a problem - i stopped telling him EVERYTHING and even resorted to lieing and telling him i was o'ing a week earlier or later. After the fact i'd tell him the truth and he would really say how much he appreciated the white lie...

it's a double edged sword really... we're all here for you to vent to....but ultimately, it's your call!

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

I have no one IRL to talk to about TTC. Most of my friends aren't at that point yet. My mother, MIL, cousins, and a friend all got preggo by "accident" or on the first shot. (Every. Single. One). They're all kind of baffled by the idea that getting pregnant can take effort.

Just wanted to say this is the exact same situation for me which makes this process that much harder. It will happen, even though not on the timelines we wanted. Good luck.

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

Im sorry you are going through this

I wouldnt put too much pressure on him knowing how everything works. At first I told Dh everything... my daily temps, OPKs, etc...and it almost became too much for him to hear. He said all I talked about was getting pregnant 24/7 and I know they care about having a baby...but I dont think men honestly want to hear every aspect of it and hear about your CM. So I stopped telling DH so much stuff and just kept it to "Im ovulating" and stuff like that. I think Dh appreciates it more that I dont bring it up all the time.

I also dont have friends to talk about this stuff IRL, but thats what this website is for. I come here when I want to vent or have tons of questions.

Message edited 12/20/2009 5:12:36 PM.

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

I kept most of TTC out of DH's hands...after the m/c I really wanted it to happen again so I started talking about it and telling him I was Oing and stuff..I think it put ALOT of pressure on him! As females we can BD even if we are stressed..but guys have to physically react and stuff if you know what I mean..and I found it affected DH. I am like you..I was on this board way before actually TTC just to learn...and I learned alot...probably too much actually.

I get how you want to share w/ DH...after our 2nd month TTC I got so frustrated being the one that had to deal with EVERYTHING...but I kind of think it's just the way it is...but then again if you are really frustrated you should tell him...maybe he'll want to be more involved?

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

I am the SAME way you are! I researched and read and came on here and talked about TTCing. I NEVER let DH know any of that stuff. I mean, he could figure it out when all of a sudden we were BDing every other day in the middle of the week out of nowhere. But, I never told him WHY we were BDing and always made sure to BD whenever we wanted

Sometimes, it made things difficult - like on a "good day" and DH would just fall asleep early. But in the end, TTC was not too stressful for us and we will both have good memories of the process.

Best of Luck to you!

Message edited 12/20/2009 5:56:37 PM.

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

My DH doesn't know all the specifics and truthfully neither do I and am not really planning on charting or using OPKs until he are months into the process. We are taking the more laid back approach and for us it has worked for every other aspect of our life.

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

I kind of prefer to keep DH in the dark a little... just because I've read on here guys can get a little anxious about "performing" if they know this is the time that really counts, etc. And I feel like at times I'm treating him like a sperm dispenser, and I feel like the more he knows the more he might feel that way too.
Its tough because we lean on our DHs so much in life but this is one of those things where I think it can do more harm than good. That's just me and my DH of course, I'm sure there are some guys out there who would totally want to know more details and be more involved. In any case, thats what we all are here for

good luck to you!!

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

I am very much like you. I research and read. Dh, as far as I know, has not looked into TTC at all. He asks questions when I talk about it but he is really not all that knowledgeable. Last week I told him that I thought I was ovulating. He said "Is that good?"

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

Posted by kristin597

I am very much like you. I research and read. Dh, as far as I know, has not looked into TTC at all. He asks questions when I talk about it but he is really not all that knowledgeable. Last week I told him that I thought I was ovulating. He said "Is that good?"

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

My DH had no clue nor a want to get a clue about anything that had to do with TTC. He just knew to BD when I said we "had to".

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

I have researched TTC stuff so much, I feel like I can write a 10 page paper!

DH on the other hand knows very little about it. He doesn't really want to know the 'science' behind it all and keeps telling me he wants to just have fun and let it happen naturally. But........ I'm too much of an anal control freak to let THAT happen Hence my charting/temping/opks, etc the first month off the pill!!

DH does know about OPKs (I am forgetful and leave them on the counter :hah) and he knows what thermal shifts are in temping... but that's IT.

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

Yes, I would venture to say that most men are clueless about this stuff. I also made the mistake of trying to educate my DH about O time and he said that made him feel pressured to "perform" - needless to say that is not the month we got pregnant. After that I preferred to keep him in the dark because that meant less stress for both of us. I had LIF to vent to and ask questions... and I'm not really open about that stuff with friends and family anyway.

All I really needed from him was his support when I got AF, which I got a ton of.

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

DH had NO idea when we first started TTC. I would rattle on and on about it but he really wasn't absorbing. He would ask me when I was ovulating or what my temperature was but that was really it. IMO, the only thing he REALLY needed to understand was that there was a very small window during which we could conceive each month and once he understood that, we got knocked up that month becuase he was much more cooperative with the BDing 'on demand'.

Now that his friends are TTC with their wives, he tells them about that very small window and the fact that if you miss it, the next 28 days feel like an eternity. So I know that stuck with him.

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

Recently I have been trying to explain things to him and he's been attentive but I have a feeling some of it goes over his head. Hey, it took me a while to get used to all this stuff too.

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

DH is pretty good. I'd say he knows more than the average guy TTC. He did draw the line when I called from the bathroom to ask if wanted to see what EWCM looked like.

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

I'm overly obssessed with looking things up and reading up on the boards on LIF. Sometimes DH pays attention, other times he says that I'm stressing myself out and not allowing things to happen naturally.

The way I know he listens (not always!) is the other day when I was upset that I started spotting, he said, well, on to next month and don't worry, you have your preseed and "babydust". That made me laugh...never in a million years would I expect my husband to say babydust!!! That puts it right up there with when he said it's "babydancing" time a few months ago!!!! What have I done to my hubby!!!!

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

So it looks like DH won our bet, lol. I guess that's why this board's so popular. (That, and the fact that you girls are pretty great ) I'd don't want to pressure him to the point where he can't perform, but I want him to understand enough that he doesn't ask me on CD6 if I'm pregnant yet. Is there a "happy medium" here? I guess we'll see.

Onto month 4...

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

Posted by TheDivineMrsM

So it looks like DH won our bet, lol. I guess that's why this board's so popular. (That, and the fact that you girls are pretty great ) I'd don't want to pressure him to the point where he can't perform, but I want him to understand enough that he doesn't ask me on CD6 if I'm pregnant yet. Is there a "happy medium" here? I guess we'll see.

Onto month 4...

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

My DH doesn't know so much that he understands the abbreviations and what not, but he knows enough to be somewhat annoying (although also cute at times). He pushed me to use OPKs and did his own research on things he can do to help make our chances better. He even asks about my CM. But then if I try to explain how it works biologically, he loses interest. In his mind TTC = BDing a lot more!

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

I'm all about researching, reading and knowing everything I possible can about TTCing. DH on the other hand doesn't want to know anything, he just wants to BD every other day from when AF ends until she shows up. We haven't tried his approach yet but we will this time because so far it's not happening my way

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

My DH does not know too much about it. This past month I started telling him about my fertile days and when I am expected to O and when AF is due. But other than that...he knows nothing.

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

I started off telling my DH everything--he hears way too much about my CM--but like your DH, he'd rather be a little more laid back about everything.
He tells me I get way to wrapped up in research--but it's actually what I do for a living; it's in my nature; I'm never going to change.
Last cycle I was upset about my consistently short LP and he thought I was overreacting and that we really didn't "try" this month. I was trying to explain that it doesn't really matter how much we "try," if I have an LPD, it doesn't matter, I might need a little help.
After that, I've been trying to share less, but it's tough. He's also the only person I can talk to it about IRL.

Message edited 12/21/2009 12:39:55 PM.

Re: How much does your DH know about TTC? Long...

both DH and i are fairly laid back about TTCing in comparison to many of you (no offense to anyone meant)
When we first started, i read up on a lot, and came on here all the time. Then i started to get waaay too stressed about it all and just decided that knowing when i O was enough for me. I shared with DH any info i found and we both decided we'd use the OPK's and make sure we BD when it's necessary and take it from there.
I think sometimes when we have too much information about something that when you think about it is really a shot in the dark, that we can easily drive ourselves nuts each month.
After several months of being so caught up in the timing and intense scrutiny of everything, i felt like the disappointment was so much harder to take. When you feel like you're doing everything you're 'supposed' to and nothing happens, then it's a harder blow.
Now that we're seeing an RE, DH is as much informed as i (i tell him everything, he comes with me to appointments).

I think the key piece of info for them to know is that there is such a small window of opportunity and that its not just 'hey lets BD a lot and it will happen'.