| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: [1] 2 |
singlemom
LIF Zygote
Member since 4/07 3 total posts
Name:
|
Moms that have gone through divorce...
I am a regular poster but can't post under my real name due to lurkers...
If you have gone thru divorce can you please give me some insight as to what I should look for (other than the norm, like child support and custody agreements) in my divorce settlement? Such as $$ for school clothes, schooling costs, activites? I don't know where to begin with what to ask for. What specifics should I maintain??? ANY help would be appreciated. I am so confused and have no idea where to start. I figure instead of crying all the time I should start looking into how to handle this the right way...Thank you!
|
Posted 4/14/07 4:28 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
You need an attorney that specializes in divorce. Good luck
|
| Posted 4/14/07 6:36 PM |
| |
|
Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
FM me. I just don't have a sec right now. I'll help you with what to think you'll need. Sorry you are going thru this Let me know what assets you two have together etc.
|
| Posted 4/14/07 6:42 PM |
| |
|
MsG
Should be working
Member since 5/05 2824 total posts
Name:
G
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
I'm not divorced, but my parents had an AWFUL divorce and one thing that wasn't made clear was who would pay for college. That's a huge issue and one I would definitely work out as part of the settlement.
|
| Posted 4/14/07 8:26 PM |
| |
|
CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
Posted by MsG
I'm not divorced, but my parents had an AWFUL divorce and one thing that wasn't made clear was who would pay for college. That's a huge issue and one I would definitely work out as part of the settlement.
I agree, and see if you can have it stipulated that the college money be put in an account that the child's father only can access. My step-mother spent the college money my dad had saved on a new car when he was away on a business trip. 
|
| Posted 4/14/07 8:33 PM |
| |
|
4monkeys
boys will be boys =)
Member since 9/05 7205 total posts
Name:
:)
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
just wanted to offer some hugs 
|
| Posted 4/14/07 8:35 PM |
| |
|
sunnyplus3
:)
Member since 11/05 8749 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
hugs
you need all holidays specified, traveling out of state or country, who will provide transportation for visitation.
basically every detail of how you will co-parent your children.
there are awesome books & websites for you.
bonusfamilies.com
http://www.coparenting.com/
http://www.ag.ndsu.edu/pubs/yf/famsci/fs565w.htm
http://missourifamilies.org/FEATURES/divorcearticles/divorcefeature34.htm
hope those help!!!
|
| Posted 4/14/07 9:11 PM |
| |
|
CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
Don't forget- who is in charge of decision making for education- like testing if they had a disability or such. I have parents that I worked with that had such a hard time with this if they didn't have legal custody.
Just wanted to say sorry too I hope you are ok
|
| Posted 4/14/07 10:53 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
|
| Posted 4/14/07 10:55 PM |
| |
|
MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.
Member since 5/05 26170 total posts
Name:
MrsERod™®
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
|
| Posted 4/14/07 10:58 PM |
| |
|
Myrockette
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Member since 5/05 5632 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
|
| Posted 4/14/07 10:59 PM |
| |
|
monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
|
| Posted 4/14/07 11:07 PM |
| |
|
MrsT
Enjoying wedded bliss.....
Member since 4/06 1323 total posts
Name:
Katrina
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
So sorry that you are going through this.
Call a divorce lawyer ASAP!
Some things an older friend told me about her divorce: stipulate that he will pay for the kids medical, vision & dental (add in braces since some insurances do not cover them after a certain age); pay for college (tuition, fees, books and living expenses) & pay for grad school tuition & keep a life insurance policy of a certain amount for the benefit of each child with him paying the premiums.
Her youngest daughter called to say she was thinking about grad school and my friend told her, great - call your father to tell him. So she did and that's when her daughter learned that it was stipulated in the divorce that dad would pay for grad school for all of their kids. After that all the kids went to grad school.
Her husband was pretty well off and she got everything that she requested. She did have to move out of their gorgeous house though.
|
| Posted 4/14/07 11:29 PM |
| |
|
smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
- Get a lawyer. They will give you the best advise and guide you. Especially with the kid(s)
custody
vacation (how to split)
education (who decides)
visitation
Alimony for kids AND for you
My personal experience.
- Choose your battles (don't fight over a 5 year old fridge worth $200)
- accept that you will lose money.
- Count your loses and move on.
- Go for what is important
Try to stay out of Court if you can. That will save you TONS of money. Assumining the other party is "cooperating" and both agree.
|
| Posted 4/15/07 10:59 AM |
| |
|
MissJones
I need a nap!
Member since 5/05 22150 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
As a child OF divorce...
don't let him get away with late child support payments OR stopping payments before he's supposed to  (my dad was supposed to pay until I was 22 if I went to college and my mom was going to give me the money at that time...so I'm STILL waiting on about 4 1/2 years of money)
don't be spiteful and this is for both of you. No matter how bad it got between my parents, they NEVER said anything mean about the other in front of me. I appreciate that.
Stay close to your in-laws if you can. My mom remained friendly with my dad's family and b/c of that, I wasn't kept from them. To this day, my mom still talks to his family and goes to functions.
Also, discuss:
college funds
what to do if a child wants to move in with the other parent
re-location of the family
vacation time
weekend time
holidays
special events
Good luck
|
| Posted 4/15/07 11:50 AM |
| |
|
nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
I'm also a child of divorce (well, I was older when they divorced, but still)...
Get the best lawyer you can buy. My mom wouldn't take my father to court, so she wound up with much less than she could have, but she was tired of fighting and wanted out immediately.
Retirement--are you a SAHM? Did your DH complete school while you were married? You may be entitled to half of his retirement &/or enhanced earnings based on the amount his salary went up in the time you were married.
Do you own a home? If so, decide whether one party will buy the other out, or if you will sell.
Women at work have argued over summer camp costs, costs for extras like music lessons, dance lessons, athletic equipment...
I don't think parents are required to pay for college. Once kids are 18+ the legal monetary responsibilities end. If he wants to offer, great, but you can't force it.
Go to a lawyer for an initial meeting. My mom did this, and the lawyer met with her free of charge to go over all of your general questions. Divorce can get sticky...My mom's lawyer spent much of her time flying all over the country going after the men who fled with or without the children. Though it may seem civil now, things can turn very quickly.
Message edited 4/15/2007 11:58:34 AM.
|
| Posted 4/15/07 11:55 AM |
| |
|
luvsbob4603
To a healthy 2013
Member since 5/05 21840 total posts
Name:
To a brand new year to a healthier me
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
|
| Posted 4/15/07 11:56 AM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
You need a lawyer. People who start off with great intentions of avoiding conflict and expense usually just prolong the process.
|
| Posted 4/15/07 2:23 PM |
| |
|
preciouslove
I love my DS!!!
Member since 5/05 9340 total posts
Name:
Blank
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
|
| Posted 4/15/07 6:14 PM |
| |
|
Melbernai
I am a lucky Momma!
Member since 7/05 15652 total posts
Name:
Melissa
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
No Advice but lots of
|
| Posted 4/15/07 9:46 PM |
| |
|
EmmaNick
*
Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
*
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
Money for school clothes and activities would be covered under child support. You usually don't get "extra" for that. You can stipulate that he pay 50% of childcare/school tuition (or more), medical costs, insurance, education costs.
|
| Posted 4/27/07 12:02 PM |
| |
|
eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
Posted by nov04libride
I don't think parents are required to pay for college. Once kids are 18+ the legal monetary responsibilities end. If he wants to offer, great, but you can't force it.
That's not true. My dad was responsible for paying my college tuition as per the divorce settlement, but aside from that, I dropped out of school and went back when I was 24 years old. When I was applying for loans, I was told I had to provide my mom's W2's as well as my own, even though I hadn't lived with her in 4 years and had been supporting myself all that time. It was a quite a struggle to get around that. If I had been 25 years old it wouldn't have been an issue, but up until that point they request a parent's w2 before giving any financial aid.
|
| Posted 4/27/07 12:13 PM |
| |
|
EmmaNick
*
Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
*
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by nov04libride
I don't think parents are required to pay for college. Once kids are 18+ the legal monetary responsibilities end. If he wants to offer, great, but you can't force it.
That's not true. My dad was responsible for paying my college tuition as per the divorce settlement, but aside from that, I dropped out of school and went back when I was 24 years old. When I was applying for loans, I was told I had to provide my mom's W2's as well as my own, even though I hadn't lived with her in 4 years and had been supporting myself all that time. It was a quite a struggle to get around that. If I had been 25 years old it wouldn't have been an issue, but up until that point they request a parent's w2 before giving any financial aid.
..and in NYS, child support is paid until the child is 21.
|
| Posted 4/27/07 12:15 PM |
| |
|
Tracey
***********
Member since 5/05 6297 total posts
Name:
Tracey - brideinapril
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
|
| Posted 4/27/07 12:17 PM |
| |
|
Eleanor
LIF Adult
Member since 2/06 2223 total posts
Name:
Ellie
|
Re: Moms that have gone through divorce...
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by nov04libride
I don't think parents are required to pay for college. Once kids are 18+ the legal monetary responsibilities end. If he wants to offer, great, but you can't force it.
That's not true. My dad was responsible for paying my college tuition as per the divorce settlement,
I agree, a coworker had an affair with another coworker and in his divorce settlement - he has to pay a SUNY tuition and room and board (whatever that might be at the time) and it can go to any school.
|
| Posted 4/27/07 1:03 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: [1] 2 |
