mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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the saga continues... (crazy SIL update lol)
Those of you who have been following the posts about my psychotic SIL and crazy MIL (who moved to Florida last month yay!), the story continues!
A little background: SIL is much older than DH and I, didn't have any friends in HS because she's always been a bit odd in social situations (she doesn't know how to interact and have normal conversations), suffers from a slew of mental/eating disorders as a result, and has a massive drinking problem. She and Dh have never had a relationship, and I honestly never really ever spent time with her besides on holidays in our 8+ year relationship. When we got engaged, SIL became even more insane and had a mental breakdown because she is the oldest and wasn't dating anyone at the time. MIL never allowed us to talk about the wedding at their house because we would upset SIL, which was kind of unfair to us but whatever. Still, I had SIL as a bridesmaid in my wedding, but she sobbed at my shower and caused a whole scene when I opened a wine fridge (because she's an alcoholic and wanted the fridge for herself, no joke), and she had left our wedding reception at 9pm because she was so drunk she couldn't even speak. Dh and her never really spoke prior to all of this, but after the wedding he really took a massive step back and did not answer her occasional phone calls, texts, etc. because he didn't want to be around her (neither did i, but this truly was his decision). Two years had passed, and she continued to get worse and worse at family parties and other events. Eventually, the cousins (dh has alot of cousins who all hangout) and my other SIL (her little sister and my good friend), began to separate from her as well.
It was never an issue until we had DD. SIL has baby fever and wanted to be around DD all the time and wouldn't leave us alone. Dh allowed her to come by every so often, but we definitely spent more time with my siblings because they all have kids under the age of 2. She AGAIN had a mental breakdown and started telling MIL that she was not being included. She would not take any accountability for the fact that it is her mental issues and alcoholism/prescription drug addiction that causes the divide. MIL has always enabled SIL, and began to come in the middle. She was leaving for Florida and wanted to calm the waters prior to leaving, but would constantly argue with DH and put all the blame on him and other SIL (the little sister) for not including SIL. DH stood his ground and explained why, and she backed off and left for Florida.
THE NEW ISSUE: It's been about a month since MIL went to Florida and it has honestly been really nice for me, DH, and his younger sister. We haven't heard from SIL and it's been a nice needed break. Well, MIL called Dh's little sister yesterday and explained that she used to attend SIL's weekly meetings with her psychiatrist and that she should now go with her for support. Younger SIL lives in NYC and does not want to come to LI on a weeknight once a week. She flipped out because she feels that SIL is not independent, and should focus more on her alcoholism/drug problem before seeking help/more medication from a psychiatrist. None of it will work if she binge drinks while on the meds but she won't take accountability and get help there because she doesn't think it's a problem.
Younger SIL did agree, however, to invite SIL out with one of the cousins and a few of her friends yesterday. SIL went, and sat in the corner texting for about 3 hours. Then, she BLEW UP on younger SIL in front of everyone. She was sobbing because she did not feel included, and was upset that younger SIL had a better relationship with their cousin that was there. Younger SIL assured her that it was her who was causing the scenario in her own head, and that she was included from the beginning and she chose to sit in the corner and neglect herself. She told her to just talk to other people and it'll be fine. Well, she can't be normal in social situations unless she is drinking, so she got completely obliterated and made a fool of herself and younger SIL. She couldn't walk at all because she was so drunk, and was sobbing on and off all night. Younger SIL called her an uber, then called DH late last night to say she is completely cutting her out of her life.
I am so glad we weren't there, but I feel terribly for younger SIL because she is truly stuck in the middle between SIL and MIL.
Just needed to vent because I think this is absolutely nuts!!!
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Re: the saga continues... (crazy SIL update lol)
Posted by WannaBeAMom11
Wow. It's so sad what drugs and alcoholism does to someone but it sounds like she is a mess. It's a good thing for all parties that everyone has cut her off as she sounds unstable.
until MIL and FIL stop enabling her and start addressing the real problem with her, she will never change. MIL and FIL don't want anyone telling her the honest truth about her issues because they don't want to upset her. They just avoid the issues and put bandaids over everything, and it's just slowly getting worse and worse. It's so different with my side (the italian side lol).. if you're acting ridiculous, we all call you out on it!
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
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Re: the saga continues... (crazy SIL update lol)
I have to say I feel bad for all of you. I am sorry you have to deal with this.
When it comes down to it I would help the crazy SIL if she SHOWED she wants help. SHE has to want to help.
If she was that much of an alkie and drugie I personally would not have her around my children. Period.
Personally It might be VERY cruel, but with a purpose. I would say to her "we love you, you are ill and need help. Because of your ill ness we cant have you around our DD. We will help you look into rehab/help/etc but YOU have to want it. We are here when you are ready".
I would not be with her again. I know, easier said than done.
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19461 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: the saga continues... (crazy SIL update lol)
I have to be honest and say I would be annoyed with MIL for dumping SIL on all of you without a plan in place. I can understand MILs need for a retirement and that she might resent SIL for her behavior too, but the fact remains that there is still a problem that needs to be addressed.
I would not personally want a drunk druggie near my kids, family or not. I don't think it is a good role model or example for my children, but neither is family abandonment. I would have a come to Jesus moment with SIL. Explain to her that until she wants to fix herself you cant have her around your family. That you would be willing to research facilities for her, but that is as far as you can help. She needs to take ownership of her demons and handle them like an adult. I don't blame little SIL at all for her feelings on the matter either.
Message edited 2/6/2017 10:36:33 AM.
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