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JennP
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 3986 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
I am an only child.
I hate to see people feeling so guilty and sad that they only have one.
I had a wonderful childhood.
I think I am a well adjusted human being with plenty of healthy, loving relationships. At almost 38 I still love my alone time, though!
Whether it's your plan or not, just think about how much you'll be able to give them.
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Posted 6/8/16 9:51 AM  |
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MrsG823
Just call me Mommy.
Member since 1/11 5570 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
"My DH is an only child and he had a lot of advantages because of it. His relationship with his parents is good but I tend to be the communicator there. He loves his parents and regardless of me would be close with them im sure, but I tend to be the one to make sure they are included in things and kept in the loop.
I do notice that DH is not confrontational, but also does not know how to have an argument, and shuts down easily. He tends to like to be alone, and isnt a huge conversationalist. I attribute a lot of this to being an only child."
I could write almost the same description about my husband and he is one of five. My DH has four siblings and while he loves them and talks to them once a month or so he is not close to his siblings and rarely relies on them for emotional support.
I think how a child develops has a lot to do with their individual personality and how they are raised. My best friend is an only child and she is very social and outgoing- she says she wanted a sibling growing up but doesn't feel she missed out on anything because she did not have one. She had a lot of opportunities that were not have possible for my me simply because of the financial resources required to raise three children vs. one--There is a big cost differential- I am a huge believer in "the grass is greener where it is watered"--if you are a nurturing parent you will likely raise a happy, well adjusted child.
Message edited 6/8/2016 10:28:57 AM.
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| Posted 6/8/16 10:28 AM |
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Re: Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
Posted by ml110
I con completely relate to this!!!! I just know I'm not done with one. The guilt of him being an only child literally eats at me every day. To the point where, on the RARE time he's entertaining himself... Instead of thinking "ahh 10 minutes of quiet!!" I think "he should have a brother playing next to him" I guess that's what they mean when they say you just know what you're supposed to do.
As an only child, my DS is HORRIBLE at playing by himself- not with Legos, the sandbox, water table, trains, coloring, puzzles- NOTHING keeps him busy. And Because he's always only with adults, I almost feel like he's missing out on childhood a little bit. He literally doesn't know how to just run around with other kids, use his imagination and just be a kid. Even if he just argued with a sibling, it would be learning a good social skill. Lol
Anyway- everybody's different, but I really do think it's true that you just know what you're supposed to do...
She CAN play on her own (does at school, at my Mom's) and has a great imagination but it just seems at home, especially with me, she HAS to have my undivided attention. And then she makes me feel guilty if I have to do things besides play. She really would have benefitted from having a sibling (older or younger), it's just her personality I guess. I think she just has too much "adult" time--if there was another kid around she could be off playing instead of trying to listen to every conversation we have. Busy body, LOL.
Now that she is older I am considering a foster to adopt situation. I was scared when she was younger but now that she can hold her own a bit and could understand if there were some behavioral issues I feel more comfortable. Although I would still only accept a child younger than her.
Good luck on your new adoption venture!
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| Posted 6/8/16 11:57 AM |
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jandt2006
LIF Adult
Member since 8/05 1338 total posts
Name:
Teresa
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Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
i am an only child. I loved it growing up but now that I'm older and my parents are older I hate it! I made sure to have 2 children :)
I never could be an aunt until I married into a family with siblings.
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| Posted 6/8/16 11:53 PM |
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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
Name:
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Re: Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
Posted by BaseballWidow
Posted by ml110
I con completely relate to this!!!! I just know I'm not done with one. The guilt of him being an only child literally eats at me every day. To the point where, on the RARE time he's entertaining himself... Instead of thinking "ahh 10 minutes of quiet!!" I think "he should have a brother playing next to him" I guess that's what they mean when they say you just know what you're supposed to do.
As an only child, my DS is HORRIBLE at playing by himself- not with Legos, the sandbox, water table, trains, coloring, puzzles- NOTHING keeps him busy. And Because he's always only with adults, I almost feel like he's missing out on childhood a little bit. He literally doesn't know how to just run around with other kids, use his imagination and just be a kid. Even if he just argued with a sibling, it would be learning a good social skill. Lol
Anyway- everybody's different, but I really do think it's true that you just know what you're supposed to do...
She CAN play on her own (does at school, at my Mom's) and has a great imagination but it just seems at home, especially with me, she HAS to have my undivided attention. And then she makes me feel guilty if I have to do things besides play. She really would have benefitted from having a sibling (older or younger), it's just her personality I guess. I think she just has too much "adult" time--if there was another kid around she could be off playing instead of trying to listen to every conversation we have. Busy body, LOL.
Now that she is older I am considering a foster to adopt situation. I was scared when she was younger but now that she can hold her own a bit and could understand if there were some behavioral issues I feel more comfortable. Although I would still only accept a child younger than her.
Good luck on your new adoption venture!
yup!! same here! DS goes to preschool in the mornings- and he does fine there entertaining himself, playing with the other kids. BUT at home bc there are no other kids, he needs always needs our undivided attention! makes me crazy!!!  his personalty definitely needs a sibling/ another kid to distract him. he's not meant to be an only child
and thanks!! we'll see how this adoption process goes and good luck if you decide to go for foster/adopt! i'm sure it will be challenging--- but worth it! theres SO many kids out there that needs families... definitely FM me if you have any questions about anything
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| Posted 6/9/16 7:24 AM |
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BlessedMomma
LIF Adult
Member since 12/11 6163 total posts
Name:
Momma Bear
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Re: Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
Posted by NervousNell
I only have one. I couldn't feel more complete or happy with my decision.
They say when you are done having kids you just know. For me, that is so true. I just know it. There was never a question.
As far as siblings, DD is doing just fine so far. I sometimes ask her if she would have wanted a sister and she ALWAYS says, no. Very quickly. Never once has she asked for one or asked why she doesn't have siblings.
She's happy, smart, well adjusted. She just seems so well rounded. Like nothing is missing.
She is so so good at independent play. She plays by herself beautifully and is very imaginative in her play.
As far as feeling like you have to have more than one to give them a sibling, I will refer you to a few threads on the relationship board right now that I just read. About having to cut toxic family members and siblings out of your life.
It happens more than you think. There is no guarantee that your child would ever be close with a sibling as an adult. So if that's the reason you feel you want another, I'd reconsider that.
I have to agree with this as well. My dd is 4 and she will be my only 1.
I love our life. I love what I can provide her.
Shes extremely well adjusted. She has a TON of friends. We have plenty of play dates. I keep her busy and surrounded by children as often as I can.
I love that I can continue to work part time. I can give her more all around.
I see a lot of my friends who have more than 1 for and some of them seem miserable. Their marriages take a toll. They dont seem to 'enjoy' their kids the way I can enjoy my dd. I have patience for her. We can do fun stuff all the time and I can run my errands when needed. I get alone time. I get time with my DH.
I know myself and I know my limits. I dont think I could handle a 2nd child. THATS just ME and I admit that to myself.
Having a 2nd child solely based on the fact, your 1st child needs a sibling to me is not a real reason. You have to want it. Its you who will make the most sacrifice.
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| Posted 6/9/16 12:54 PM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17795 total posts
Name:
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Re: Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
Posted by JennP
I am an only child.
I hate to see people feeling so guilty and sad that they only have one.
I had a wonderful childhood.
I think I am a well adjusted human being with plenty of healthy, loving relationships. At almost 38 I still love my alone time, though!
Whether it's your plan or not, just think about how much you'll be able to give them.
Me too. As is DH.
After DS 1 we said we would like to have another, not just for DS 1 but, because we wanted 2, but, if it wasn't going to happen, we were fine with having just 1.
We have 2 and are done.
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| Posted 6/9/16 1:10 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
One and so very done!
I wanted two
He wanted three
I have been an only child, youngest, middle and oldest. Party of 2, then party of one then party of 4 out of a party of totally 10 at any one given point. (counting kids only).
I love only having one. I thought about waiting about 3yrs to have another because that's the difference in age between my brother and I. But honestly, after 3m we were just so happy with just one. Having siblings DOES NOT MEAN LONG TERM FRIENDS OR FAMILY. My brother and I were super close when were younger and yet he hasn't spoken to me in 2yrs now and I don't think he ever will again. Before that he and I spoke maybe once every 4yrs. We are both in our 40s. Past our 20s it was very rare we spoke. He wouldn't come when asked to as my father was dying. So thinking a sibling means help with a dying parent is also a lie. People are people they will always be who they will be. We were raised in the same house by the same man but couldn't be more different.
My twin brothers are different and even my sister (all adopted). I am very much alone and that's ok. Being an only child was actually best of all of the types.
Financially I think having an only child has been absolutely the best. I can do stuff with her like I took her to Chicago to see the Shedd aquarium.. why? because why not? She's been to Orlando, New York, San Fran, Big Sur California, Chicago, Hawaii, Mall of Americas, Iowa and she's only 7. Couldn't do that if I had more than one.
Socially its wonderful too. Sleep overs are best because she gets to really enjoy her friends and her friends know there's no sibling warfare in my house. Its just them. So we do lots of bestie stuff. Take them both to the park, botanical, here, there or whatever.
She has never said she wants a sibling. She pretends to have one sometimes. She also sees families with other kids. Some look fun and others do not. When she sees fighting and screaming, crying and yelling she looks at us and says "I'm so glad I'm your one and only" LOL She is utterly spoiled
Education wise I can't imagine how the heck I would manage more than just one. We hit the books hard and study often. Homework is a full time job. Everyday I an opportunity to learn something fun or new and also to practice a math or science. But its work... a LOT OF WORK. No way do I think I could do two. god help me no way more.
which of course goes back to financially.. She is in Girl Scout Camp right now having the time of her life. Next year she may even go to sleep over camp. She's going to space camp this weekend. Why? because we can afford it. Why.. Because she's my ONLY child.
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| Posted 6/9/16 3:51 PM |
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Bebelove
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/12 742 total posts
Name:
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Re: Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
I don't know many only children. The ones I do know eventually had more than one child. I wanted one DS for a million reasons. When my DS was 9 months old, playing alone on the floor it hit me out of nowhere, I felt he needed a sibling. They adore eachother, are best friends, I get a lot of down time, and I don't deal with sleep overs. It depends on your priorities, it's never an easy decision. For us, going from zero to one was so hard. Now we have 3 and it wasn't as bad as I had imagined :) I have my sister , DH has his brothers and we all get along so well but you never know. 
Message edited 6/9/2016 9:53:29 PM.
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| Posted 6/9/16 9:51 PM |
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Summergrl14
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/16 625 total posts
Name:
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Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
My DH would be very happy being one and done. I think we will eventually have another child, but right now I'm being selfish and can't imagine being pregnant again and going through the newborn stage. I feel like we have finally gotten into a groove with our one, I can't imagine adding another child to the mix right now.
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| Posted 6/9/16 10:11 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
Just have to add.. if you choose to be one and done.. hang tough
I find it utterly annoying the nay sayers.
She needs a friend
Your heart will grow for two
She's all alone
You are selfish
What about what she wants?
What about what he wants?
I said the same now I'm happy I have two (three, five, ten)
You're not a mother until you've had two
You don't understand you only have one
You spoil her because you only have one
You over react because you only have one
You're paranoid because you only have one
I know more because I have more than one
Don't you want another? or more? Can't you adopt?
THE WORST: What if she dies? You'll have none (thank you arsehole)
Ugh.
It's annoying.
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| Posted 6/10/16 11:34 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
Posted by Xelindrya
Just have to add.. if you choose to be one and done.. hang tough
I find it utterly annoying the nay sayers.
She needs a friend
Your heart will grow for two
She's all alone
You are selfish
What about what she wants?
What about what he wants?
I said the same now I'm happy I have two (three, five, ten)
You're not a mother until you've had two
You don't understand you only have one
You spoil her because you only have one
You over react because you only have one
You're paranoid because you only have one
I know more because I have more than one
Don't you want another? or more? Can't you adopt?
THE WORST: What if she dies? You'll have none (thank you arsehole)
Ugh.
It's annoying.
People actually say this shit??
Holy shit!
I'd probably punch someone in the face if they said any of those things to me.
It would NOT be pretty.
But I'm a huge bitcch!
Message edited 6/10/2016 1:05:57 PM.
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| Posted 6/10/16 12:14 PM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
Posted by Xelindrya
These questions are so flipping rude. I feel you because I always get the ohh, you have 2 sons (insert pity look thrown at me) boys aren't the same as a girl. they will leave you & you will never see them..blah, blah.
To answer Op's question.. I have a brother who I rarely speak to. We are fine but have nothing in common BUt we have the comfort in knowing that if we need eachother, someone else is out there & we try to share parent responsibilities. Kids will wish for what they don't have. I always wished I had a sister instead because I sometime feel like an only since I don't have a sibling who is a friend. You never know what relationships sibling will have.
With that said, I always wanted more than 1, so I can't personally relate in that aspect but I have several friends who are only children & my mom is an only child. My mom often says she would have loved a sibling. She had to care for both of her parents in their sickness & death, which I know was very difficult for her. As a child, she actually had 5 very close female cousins, same age, so she played with them like sisters, The parents actually up and moved their families to another country together so they were close. As the girls grew up, all moved to NY but away from eachother, they kind of kept to themselves & their own sisters & immediate family. My mom has felt lonely more in adulthood than childhood. I think that this is a common feeling with all the ONly's that I know.
My oldest friend feels alot of pressure as an only child. The parent's don't necessarily place pressure on her but she feels guilty if she doesn't pickup right when they call, or run them around if they need a ride, etc.
You'll make the right decision. Your baby is only 8 months old. DH & I have been contemplating another for almost 2 years, going over pros & cons for 2 years. Having a child isn't a decision to take lightly.
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| Posted 6/10/16 12:51 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Xelindrya
Just have to add.. if you choose to be one and done.. hang tough
I find it utterly annoying the nay sayers.
She needs a friend
Your heart will grow for two
She's all alone
You are selfish
What about what she wants?
What about what he wants?
I said the same now I'm happy I have two (three, five, ten)
You're not a mother until you've had two
You don't understand you only have one
You spoil her because you only have one
You over react because you only have one
You're paranoid because you only have one
I know more because I have more than one
Don't you want another? or more? Can't you adopt?
THE WORST: What if she dies? You'll have none (thank you arsehole)
Ugh.
It's annoying.
People actually say this shit??
Holy shit?
I'd probably punch someone in the face if they said any of those things to me.
It would NOT be pretty.
But I'm a huge bitcch!
I've been asked a lot of these things when I say I don't think I want another. People are awful. I want to know what would happen if I asked someone with 3 or 4 kids if their kids are neglected or starved for attention. Or why the mother had so much trouble keeping her legs closed. We'd be hanged.
When I was still pregnant and mentioned I'd likely only have 1 my SIL asked"but what is you love being a mother?" Um. I'm still a mother with 1, you baby hoarding halfwit.
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| Posted 6/10/16 1:02 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Xelindrya
Just have to add.. if you choose to be one and done.. hang tough
I find it utterly annoying the nay sayers.
She needs a friend
Your heart will grow for two
She's all alone
You are selfish
What about what she wants?
What about what he wants?
I said the same now I'm happy I have two (three, five, ten)
You're not a mother until you've had two
You don't understand you only have one
You spoil her because you only have one
You over react because you only have one
You're paranoid because you only have one
I know more because I have more than one
Don't you want another? or more? Can't you adopt?
THE WORST: What if she dies? You'll have none (thank you arsehole)
Ugh.
It's annoying.
People actually say this shit??
Holy shit?
I'd probably punch someone in the face if they said any of those things to me.
It would NOT be pretty.
But I'm a huge bitcch!
I've been asked a lot of these things when I say I don't think I want another. People are awful. I want to know what would happen if I asked someone with 3 or 4 kids if their kids are neglected or starved for attention. Or why the mother had so much trouble keeping her legs closed. We'd be hanged.
When I was still pregnant and mentioned I'd likely only have 1 my SIL asked"but what is you love being a mother?" Um. I'm still a mother with 1, you baby hoarding halfwit.
 Baby hoarding half wit.
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| Posted 6/10/16 1:16 PM |
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pinkiegirl
Member since 7/07 2160 total posts
Name:
Dana
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Re: Single child families...and those who grew up and only child..
I feel like i can give you some perspective.
We strongly considered being 1 and done. We went back and forth about having another child for years. When my DS was 4 we finally decided to try for another baby. My DS is 5.5 and my DD is 8 months. I am SO glad we had another baby. I dont think anyone regrets having a child.. but I couldnt live with the regret of not having another one.
DS is in love with her. They both light up when they see each other. They make each other laugh.
The joy they bring each other even at this early stage literally brings me so much joy.
I know that this is not the right thing for everyone. But it was right for us
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| Posted 6/10/16 2:18 PM |
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