My kids are becoming mean :(

So my three year old boys started school in sept and while it has been wonderful for them in so many ways, I am seeing one huge negative change in their behavior. My formerly sweet, empathetic boys are becoming, for lack of a better word, mean :( at the playground one day another mom told me my son intentionally pushed her child. I didn't see it but she seemed reasonable enough so I took her word for it and spoke to him about it and new him apologize. Then at a party he accidentally bulldozed another, smaller child and just kept going. Then today while sitting at a picnic table, a little boy came up to my other son who SHOOED him away. Literally said "shoo!" I was horrified. I tried talking to him but who knows how much he absorbs at 3. I also threatened to take away his Halloween candy. Ugh. I am upset with these changes in behavior. I don't want my kids to be the playground thugs :( is this a normal developmental stage? What do you do to correct this behavior thats effective? Thanks!

My kids are becoming mean :(

No advice but honestly ? Props to you as a mother for actually seeing it and wanting to do something about it!! I think that's a sure sign that it'll be nipped in the bud soon. Sooo many parents neglect to see that type of stuff in their kids and don't believe others. I think seeing it and realizing it is most of the battle!

Kids are also jerks at 3. And 4. It's an age thing and a stage thing.
Just keep correcting his behavior and see what works.

You'll get thru it :)

My kids are becoming mean :(

Has anything happened recently to cause this change?
Change in routine?
Is school new? Could they be picking it up from other kids?

And also i commend you for recognizing it snd wanting to do something about it.

Re: My kids are becoming mean :(

The best thing you can do is keep addressing it and revisiting the issue with them, making them aware of it, and turning it around on them - "what if someone shoo'd you away? How would that make you feel?" "What if someone shoved you, wouldn't that hurt physically and hurt your feelings?" That kind of thing. And consequences for if they continue that behavior.

After time, with consistency and repetition, they'll catch on. School is hard, I've seen it a little with my son, bc with so many kids it's like sink or swim and a lot of kids get overwhelmed on a playground or whatever -- and they shove to get their way or get there first, etc. which they see in school a lot. So with my son I just go out of my way to make him aware of kindness and other people's feelings to try and counteract that.

Re: My kids are becoming mean :(

Um, I have a similar situation with my DD who is a little over 3, so here is my story and a little advice:

DD stays home with me, does not go to school or around many kids to influence her. She has always been very sweet and gentle. Last month, while pumpkin picking, there was a playhouse at the farm. A little girl was inside the house and my DD wanted to play with her. Ran up to her smiling, tried to open the door to go into the house and BAM-- the other little girl smacked my daughter directly in the face and hurt/scared her and she cried. A lot. We explained that she probably didn't want to share and should have used her words but didn't, etc. The parents didn't witness it, but they believed us when they asked us what happened, and they made the girl come over and apologize, which I thought was very nice. But my daughter wouldn't even look at or acknowledge her! We felt terrible that she wasn't accepting the little girls apology and wouldn't cooperate. We discussed it. But ever since then... she has starting hitting us. A lot. It seems like she can't control herself anymore- whether its out of excitement, frustration, anger, boredom, etc... and she never hit us or anyone or anything before. Why would this start at 3 now, we thought because the girl hit her. But I am still confused. She also doesn't want to apologize anymore. Every single day we are working on it. And trying to curb the behavior- but we still see it every once in awhile come out again. I am a little worried and feel helpless myself but here is my advice.

Maybe it is just a stage and just human nature because they just don't have the control yet. It's not that they are "mean" or not being sweet anymore, it's just that they have feelings that come quickly and have not yet formulated how to process it appropriately and make the right decisions. We need to help them find those tools. Also making sure events that have happened to them, or influences/people they are around, don't interfere in their own character and behaviors by acknowledging it. Like your child running into another kid and continuing to run, yes it may be rude... as an adult! But, think of what he might have been thinking in his shoes. In his mind he has an end goal (to get from here to there and probably quickly) So he runs, and whoops, didn't perceive someone would be there and crash. Well, he just keeps going continuing with his original train on thought. Not stopping and focusing on what happened and why it happened and what he might have to do next (apologize or say excuse me or stopped earlier and changed course as to not bump into them). But at 3, that almost seems rational to me. I think it is a stage and needs to be coached. Just don't give up on teaching them to be good people and doing "the right thing".

Re: My kids are becoming mean :(

I have a 4.5 year old DS and also a 2 year old. I think this is somewhat normal behavior. My older DS is mostly sweet as pie, but sometimes he just gets in these moods where he's mean, for lack of a better word, especially to his brother. Pushing him, knocking him down, stealing his toys etc.

I think it's just a competition thing. Since you said they just started school they may just be trying to assert themselves in order to get attention or toys in class or things like that.

I just try to talk to DS when I see him do things like that and explain that kids won't want to play with him if he treats them that way. Also, I try to make the consequences fit what he is doing. So if he's pushing or hitting his brother he has to go inside or to his room and play alone.