How do you discipline bratty behavior?

DD is 4.5 and she is VERY trying most times. She pushes her limits, doesn't listen and she's just very strong willed. We do time outs, she has consequences for certain behaviors. Last night she lost her dessert for talking back. Well today, I took all three kids to the dentist by myself. DD saw the dentist last month so just my boys had appointments and to make it easier on me I put DD in a stroller. I spoke to her about it and said she can play her game and have a snack but she has to sit in the stroller and she agreed and was happy. I also told the kids that if they were good they would get smoothies right after. Well fast forward to when my boys are sitting in the chairs and I am in the hall with dd in the stroller. She says she wants to get out and I tell her they will only be a few more minutes and then we are leaving so she needs to stay in the stroller. She starts freaking out...then the boys got to pick a prize from the dentist for being so good and she said she wants one. I told her she got one when she went and her brothers didn't so she needs to let them have their prizes and if she's good we are getting smoothies. Well, I was not prepared for what came next! "I WANT A PRIZE NOW, GIVE ME A PRIZE RIGHT NOW!" I was mortified and told her she can not have a prize and if she continues this behavior she will lose the smoothie. Then it came again...."I WANT A SMOOTHIE AND I AM GETTING A SMOOTHIE! Let me out of this stroller NOW! I want a prize and a smoothie NOW!" I was MORTIFIED!! Like I said she is very trying and she is very strong willed, but she has NEVER spoken like this. She just kept going on and on like this until we left. She obviously didn't get a smoothie and her attitude turned into hysterics and a tantrum because she didn't get a smoothie. I put her in her room when we got home and when she calmed down I went up and spoke to her about her behavior and why she didn't get a smoothie....but still, I'm mortified by how she acted. I don't want her to start acting like this in public all the time. She's had little spouts of behavior like this but not to this extreme. It was more normal things that I've seen kids her age say/do and she is always reprimanded with a time out. But this was very extremem. We've got sticker charts with incentives and nothing seeme to be working with her behavior in general. How do I discipline this type of behavior that happened today? I'm still so mortified. I called DH crying because I was so upset about this.

Message edited 10/14/2015 5:57:03 PM.

How do you discipline bratty behavior?

It sounds like you are handling her behavior well. You told her what to expect - sitting in her stroller, snack, game, when she misbehaved you gave her an immediate and natural consequence. The only thing I can think to add would be reinforce and praise her for compliance. Catch her being good as often as you can and praise, praise praise.

Re: How do you discipline bratty behavior?

Sounds to me like you did everything right, you meant what you said and said what you meant. I wouldn't worry too much about what people in public thought about this - kids have temper tantrums all the time, and I'm sure your firmness was commendable if anyone was watching.

I'm also wondering if the expectations were a little too hard for your dd? It may be hard for dd to sit in a confined place in a waiting room for a length of time, and I'm sure it was upsetting to see her brothers get prizes. A prize a month ago may as well have never even happened in the eyes of a four year old. Even though smoothies is a nice consolation prize, dd may have just been at her tolerance limit if facing a few disappointments in a row.

I strongly recommend the 1-2-3 Magic book (also a video). I use it with dd, and as a school psychologist, I recommend this book to parents all the time. If you follow it, it really works.

It also helps to figure out WHY she is doing the things she is doing. If reinforcements are not working, it means that she's getting something out of her behaviors that's even more desirable than the incentives. For example, she may just want to have power more than she wants the sticker on the chart. If that's the case,then let her feel powerful over certain choices (ie what to wear, dessert, which chore she will do firsts etc.), and hopefully that will make her mor compliant over things she can't control.

Good luck! Sounds like you have a lot of the hard things already in place like consistency and following through.

How do you discipline bratty behavior?

Thanks ladies! I do try to praise them as often as possible....but you're right maybe she needs more of that. Like if they are just sitting and playing together nicely. I will try that.

As far as 1-2-3 magic, I tried it last year and it worked and then things kinda went backwards. It's my fault because I stopped being so consistent with it. I need to bring that back into play and make sure I stick with it. I will also try giving her more choices. I definitely feel it's a power thing with her. Both her and I have the need to be in control and we butt heads a lot on certain things. I do get that it may have been hard for her. The tantrum I totally expected may happen. When they do happen in public mostly I am good at either trying to console them or getting them to calm down. The thing that bothered me most is the way she was acting. It wasn't just a tantrum, it was the attitude. The "I want thins, and I want it now" attitude. This was just not something I expected from her. As strong willed as she is she's never done that before. I am going to bring back 1-2-3 magic and be more consistent. Thank you ladies for your suggestions and advice.

Message edited 10/15/2015 8:21:55 AM.

Re: How do you discipline bratty behavior?

It's so hard! Mine is turning 3 and it's definitely turning from independent 2 to sassy 3. It's so hard not to lose my cool! Good luck!

Re: How do you discipline bratty behavior?

Why were you mortified? She's a child and sometimes children have outbursts. It's really no reflection on you, as a mother. It sounded like you handled the situation perfectly by giving her consequences and following through on them.

Honestly, my son has outbursts just like that (he's only 2.5) and I wish I followed through on the consequences as well as you!

Re: How do you discipline bratty behavior?