How would you handle this? Update at the bottom

So even before I had my DD, I just knew that my parents would be a problem. They constantly give me a hard time about everything. It is so utterly frustrating.

Right now DD is with my mom about three days a week and my MIL 2 days a week while I am at work.

My parents (my mom mostly) have done so many things in the past few months that have really irked me, it's not even funny. Some of the issues include buying a carseat from a garage sale from 2002, wanting to bring my DD to her friend's house so she and her friend can dye each other's hair, while my DD sits in the carseat on the table, and the most recent one from yesterday..giving DD Cheerios without my consent. That's only a brief list!

The problem is that my parents see nothing wrong with their behavior and the last few times I've tried to bring up the fact that I don't like what they are doing with my DD, and that they need to listen to me, they give me a really hard time about it and it turns into a huge fight. It's gotten to the point where I really don't trust my mom to listen to me. I know that it would cause even more issues if "took the baby away from them" (their words), but honestly, I don't know what else to do.

I am seriously considering putting her in daycare or getting a babysitter for the days my mom is supposed to watch her, but I really only have three more months of school before I'm off for the summer, so that is also part of my issue.

I just don't know what to do. The giving her Cheerios yesterday was the icing on the cake for me. I plan to have a talk with my mom later, but I know it's going to be fruitless because it's just going to turn into another fight.

Message edited 3/2/2014 9:20:13 AM.

Re: How would you handle this?

To be honest, it sounds like you can talk to her until you are blue in the face and she is going to continue to do what she wants to do .
At this point I'd say find a daycare for those days that your mom watches her.
You can always tell your mom that you want her in daycare for the socialization aspect of it, etc.

How would you handle this?

If move Lo to daycare. Even if only for a couple of months.

Re: How would you handle this?

It won't get any better. DS is 4 and even with his food allergies and feeding issues, my Mom still doesn't listen and gives him whatever he wants...

See if you can put her in daycare for a while...

Re: How would you handle this?

I think I would be seeking other daycare options if I wasn't pleased with what my DD was doing in any environment. Parents or no parents, free or costly.
Going to a friends house so they could die their hair?!?!
Is your DD 16?!?!?! (Rhetorical question).....

Oh wait, misread. I thought you meant your DD that is under a year old was going to die her hair with a friend.... Like your DD was your moms doll or something. Got it now!

Message edited 2/28/2014 10:59:56 AM.

How would you handle this?

I had very similar issues with my mother when she was watching DS. I let minor things slide because she was helping me out by watching him. But after a while, things started to get worse and it got to the point where I was worried for his safety (BTW, she also wanted to buy a used car seat. Thankfully she called me first and I said NO!). I decided to put him into daycare almost full time. Unfortunately, she still gives me a hard time about "taking away" her days to watch DS. It sucks, but at the end of the day, you need to do what you think is best for your child.

Re: How would you handle this?

I would handle this by having someone else watch my kid! No way would I continue to let this go on.

Re: How would you handle this?

I would put my DD in day care. I couldn't deal with my mom not listening to me, it would drive me nuts!

On a side note, DH and I are thinking about having MIL watch my DD when I go to work (sometime in the near future). I know she is going to give me a hard time about things like feeding etc., so I am not looking forward to that!

Wishing you luck with this, I know it's not easy

Re: How would you handle this?

When you allow someone to watch your child and it is not a paid provider you relinquish some control. If the things they are doing are not things you are willing to accept then you have to find a nanny/daycare. Unfortunatley that is just the way it is,

Message edited 2/28/2014 11:25:07 AM.

Re: How would you handle this?

Posted by DiamondGirl

When you allow someone to watch your child and it is not a paid provider you relinquish some control. If the things they are doing are not things you are willing to accept then you have to find a nanny/daycare. Unfortunatley that is just the way it is,

Re: How would you handle this?

Posted by DiamondGirl

When you allow someone to watch your child and it is not a paid provider you relinquish some control. If the things they are doing are not things you are willing to accept then you have to find a nanny/daycare. Unfortunatley that is just the way it is,

Re: How would you handle this?

move that kid to daycare or paid sitter... its just too much to have to worry and fight

How would you handle this?

daycare

I would complain to my dad about my aunt (I have few threads on here) and he'd tell me to go pick her up and take care of her my danged self. I hated when he said that to me but I got the picture. If it bothers you then don't do it. For us, its gotten better as the years have passed

Re: How would you handle this?

Posted by DiamondGirl

When you allow someone to watch your child and it is not a paid provider you relinquish some control. If the things they are doing are not things you are willing to accept then you have to find a nanny/daycare. Unfortunatley that is just the way it is,

Re: How would you handle this?

Posted by DiamondGirl

When you allow someone to watch your child and it is not a paid provider you relinquish some control. If the things they are doing are not things you are willing to accept then you have to find a nanny/daycare. Unfortunatley that is just the way it is,

Re: How would you handle this?

Posted by DiamondGirl

When you allow someone to watch your child and it is not a paid provider you relinquish some control. If the things they are doing are not things you are willing to accept then you have to find a nanny/daycare. Unfortunatley that is just the way it is,

How would you handle this?

I think also you need to pick your battles- my MIL watches our boys and we pay her and I still let some things slide.

The car seat issues taht you mentioned are major. I would throw out the garage sale seat and install one that I purchased in her car and definitely mention the car seat on the table.

The cheerios I would let go. My own mom is a pediatric nurse and she gave ds peanut butter. Not the best idea but thankfully nothing happened and he was fine.

How would you handle this?

i would find a daycare if you are not happy with your parents watching her. my daycare and i am sure others will let you start her for a few months and then take the summer off and start her again when school starts

Re: How would you handle this?

If you want to keep somewhat of a decent relationship do davcare. Mention socialization aspect for DD is the reason why. If she barks why can't she go on the days your MIL watches her, tell her they are booked. I hear where you are coming from, my mom is the same way ... The extra money you need to lay out in money is worth it if it fits in the budget ...trust me ....although you don't know me LOL

Message edited 2/28/2014 1:58:39 PM.

How would you handle this?

My sister and mother had a huge falling out over a similar type of situation. It really hurt their relationship and even four years later there is still some residual tension when the topic comes up. I think you really only have two choices- start looking for day care and use socialization as the main reason for the change or try talking to your Mother but accept that ultimately she is going to do things her way.

Re: How would you handle this?

Like others have written, daycare or a nanny is really the best route ... for your DD and your relationship with your mom.

Sorry you are going this

Re: How would you handle this?

Thank you all very much for your responses. I definitely know dealing with family means you have to make some concessions with certain things and we certainly have. My parents have a history of being impulsive without checking with us first, and this was just another instance of that. I totally get that Cheerios are not a big deal, it was the fact that my mom gave them to her without checking to see if she was able to have them, that sent me over the edge. Unfortunately the outcome was exactly as I thought after I spoke to my mom later that afternoon and another big fight ensued. DH wound up getting involved (they called him without me knowing) and he put them in their place. It seems things are smoothed over for now and my parents agreed to try not to do things without checking. We will try to get to the end of the year with them. We will see what happens. DH and I planned on putting DD in daycare next year anyway for some socialization.