Feelings towards second pregnancy/child

I just found out that I am pregnant with #2... DH and I had just started trying and very much want #2, but I guess it hadn't really hit me what it would mean until I saw that BFP!

My first reaction was pure happiness and excitement - but now every time I look at my DD I start crying! I feel sad for her that she will have to share me, I feel sad for me that I will not be able to do things with her one and one and relax and enjoy eachother at our own pace, I worry t hat even during my pregnancy I wont have the energy to do things with her the way I did before. I feel like perhaps we should have waited longer bc DD is still a baby at 20 months! I worry that I will not fully get to enjoy her before #2 arrives. Meanwhile I feel guilty for feeling this way about the little nugget inside me!

I don't know if this is hormones, or if other mommy's have felt this way throughout time,

Just looking to see if others out there went through something similar and if it passes soon.

Feelings towards second pregnancy/child

It's normal to feel this way - I felt the same way too.

DS 2 is now almost 1 1/2 and DS 1 loves him - the other day the little guy wouldn't come iwth us to get in the car after daycare and I said ok, bye, we're leaving and my older guy threw himself on the floor and started to cry hysterically thinking I was really going to leave his brother!

Don't get me wrong - they do fight and have their moments but, it's better than I ever imagined.

ETA - DS 1 was 19 mos when I got my BFP.

Message edited 8/26/2013 11:54:04 AM.

Re: Feelings towards second pregnancy/child

DS was 25 months when I had my 2nd. I have to say I LOVE it that they are close in age and sooo cute together. They're brothers! Fight, makeup, play well then fight again. Best thing is they know each other better than anyone else so if we go someplace where there's not a lot of kids or even if there are they still play together.

It's a slow process and takes time to get used to. Being pregnant didn't stop me from doing pretty much the same with DS. Maybe needed help changing the crib sheets, but that's it.
When I had DS2 my first DS ignored bc infants don't do much, which still gave me lots of time to play with DS1.
Took time for DS1 to get used to it and now he doesn't know any different. They are now 4 and 2 and it's perfect. I love them equally and love how different they are and bring me joy in different ways. One is more of a cuddler while the other is more independent, but I always make sure they get their own mommy time too. DS2 naps so I do older games with my 4 yr old. When my 4 yr old is in school I have my time with my 2 yr old. They go to different classes and I am lucky to have family to watch one while I do something with the other. Also a bonus for one boy to get their time with a grandparent.
Enjoy and congrats!!

Feelings towards second pregnancy/child

Mine are 23 months apart. You are giving your DD the greatest gift - you are not taking anything away from her. Congrats!

Re: Feelings towards second pregnancy/child

i could have written your post word for word. DS is 21 months and just got my BFP for #2. Definitely excited but also nervous. i think the joy they will get from having a sibling will far outweigh the alone time with us they won't get as much. i think what you are feeling is so common but it works out in the end.

Re: Feelings towards second pregnancy/child

You are giving her a far better gift - a little brother or sister. A life long friend and companion.

When I see these posts I always think about #2 and how they will never experience all the one on one attention #1 got. All the extra special uninterupted time.

#2 will add so much joy and pleasure as you see them interact together. You won't remember what it is like to just have one after awhile. It is priceless.

Congrats!

Re: Feelings towards second pregnancy/child

Not going to lie... Neither will get 100% when you have two. I think the little one misses out on more.

That being said, my 2 are 17 months apart. They play with each other and love each other very much. They are closer to each other than they are to any of us.

When your new baby is a newborn, be sure to get a family member give some extra TLC to the older. I'd also say take a mommy and me class with the older for 1:1 time.

Re: Feelings towards second pregnancy/child

Re: Feelings towards second pregnancy/child

It's completely normal. I had times of feeling guilty that she would now have to share her time with me, my life would not revolve around just her. I cried and worried a lot. I was sick throughout my pregnancy but wouldn't lay down or nap because I didn't want to miss out on the time we had, just us.
Once she was born, we made sure she was involved and gave her lots of attention. And ya know what, it all worked out. They are in love with each other....and I actually think it was the best gift I gave her.
So, while it will be an adjustment.....believe me when I say IT WILL BE OK!

Re: Feelings towards second pregnancy/child

I can relate as I have had similar feelings. We thought it would take a long time to get preg. with #2 since it took just over a year with DD. Well, it basically happened right away and I was in shock. I thought we had more time. Yes, I was extremely excited but I have thought is it too soon and I worry about my DD.

Now I am 22 weeks and I am feeling good about things. I am having another girl and my daughters will be 25 months apart. I love the idea of it and I look forward to it. I do feel a bit tired at times but I do not feel that DD is missing out or I am doing less with her. If I want to do something with her and I feel like it will be a lot I will just make sure DH is with us.

I also plan to have my babysitter come over still while I am on maternity leave. That way she can make DD feel special or she can take care of the baby while I take DD out for a fun day. I think it will be good for all of us.

Re: Feelings towards second pregnancy/child

OMG... I could have written it word for word... I have been crying literally crying to my husband about my DD not being the only one and getting 100% of my attention...

I am due in 2 weeks so its hitting me hard... and I am an emotional mess..

But thank you for all the above post for making me feel a little more comfort.

I mean... I have a brother and my DH has a brother, and we both survived and I am super close with my brother. I wouldn't want it any other way. SO I need to keep thinking like one of the PP said... its one of the greatest gifts I am giving her! So true and I love that saying now!

Re: Feelings towards second pregnancy/child

Aww those feelings are totally normal! I felt the same way once I found out I was pregnant with DD. My kids are 22 months apart and DS was still such a baby when I got pregnant. I used to cry all the time also and sometimes even felt resentful of the baby I kept crying and apologizing to DS because I knew his whole world was going to be turned upside down and he didn't even realize/understand it.
Once the baby comes it will get better. Watching my kids together now and seeing how much DS loves his baby sister makes me feel so ridiculous for ever feeling the way I did. He's 3.5 now and he is always asking when I can give him another baby sister lol.

Re: Feelings towards second pregnancy/child

I did the SAME thing when I found out I was pregnant with #2. I was elated and then it hit and I cried about it.

Now, seeing them together, trust me, you are only adding to their life, not taking anything away!