Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

When I could hold other people's newborns and not get that feeling that I really wanted/needed another, I knew I was done.

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

I wish there was a magic pill that I could pop to make me feel like I was done.

I am 41 - DH is 43. We have two beautiful healthy kids - 7 and 3.5. We tried to have a third and ended up with three miscarriages.

In my head I know I am done as it seems the odds are stacked high against me at this stage but in my heart of hearts I think I will go to my grave aching for that third child that never was.

I have decided to not allow myself to think that I am done and to deal with it very gradually. I am hoping that one day it wont be painful to hold a newborn and wish it were mine, to give away all the baby stuff and to be okay with it, to come to grips with the fact that my DD will never have a sister and my DS will never have a brother. I hope one day I will be okay with it. Right now I am not ready to accept the reality.

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

I knew after around 8-9 or so months. I planned to hold off on a second until I was 36 because we both have a few years between our siblings and we thought it was best. Plus it gave me time to truly consider what having a second child would do to our lives.

I went back to work and got back into the grove. Time at home was hard to come by and I poured myself into being Mom. We spent so much time being with her and part of her life and showing her so much, that 6 months blew by. I didn’t want her back as a newborn who couldn’t express herself. I loved all that she was learning and becoming. The past was beautiful and loving and wonderful but the present was so much ‘more’.

The idea of kids came up again (as it always does “When is she going to have a sister/brother?”) and all I could think is how would we manage it? How could we afford it both in time and money. Would AJ suffer if we had to sacrifice this or that for another? Would our marriage survive it? We looked at other families with 2 or more kids and saw parents (teams) working in together in this complicated dance. We just liked our current arrangement better.

So by the time I got my IUD AJ was 2 and we were pretty sure we were done. By 36 I was absolutely done. I love my life and my 4yr old. We can take trips to Disney, Hawaii, New York, anywhere. Its freedom to send her to an expensive school, buy uniforms, etc. It’s the fact that we can spend all night on some craft project together with the only interruption being dinner or a cat who walks by. We love our home life.

When my niece came to visit AJ was in love with her, adored her. It felt amazing to hold such a light, bright eyed baby. But still, I looked at my own and said “This is my heart and soul and my life. I would have it no other way.”

Once I stopped letting others try to guilt me into having a child, I realized I was happy with one and done and embraced it. Then again, I never really had ‘baby fever’ per se. I wanted to try to have a baby…. So I tried and got pregnant on the first try. I’m done!

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

I wonder this myself. I think I'd have 5 if money were endless and DH was up for it. We're currently expecting #2 any day now and in my head no way am I done. DH says he is done at 2 but doesn't seem adamant about it so I feel there is hope. I sorta wonder if I'll ever feel totally "done", seeing as I'm open to more children than I know I'll realistically have. I could see DH agreeing to #3 but I don't see a 4th happened unless it was a HUGE surprise. I don't think I could ever have my tubes tied or anything unless it was medically necessary for health reasons. That would just be too final for me.

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

We are done because we cannot afford it, and neither can my sanity!

I will always long for another but for our family it's not a good idea. To make it final, I gave away all my baby stuff and maternity clothes and finally lost the baby weight.

Now I just have to get my brain and heart to catch up with my basement

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

I had always planned to be done. never thought in a million years we would have another. we were content. our hearts and lives were full. it was great.

I am expecting baby #2 5/5 lol.

sometimes even if you "KNOW" you are done, those little spermies don't get the memo

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

I think this is interesting because at one time or another I've felt like each of you.

I always felt like I would have been fine if it were just me and DH.

I have DD and I'm in love

I thought I'd want a lot of children (like 3 which is considered a big family nowadays).

Now that I'm back at work I'm just not sure how it would work out with even having one more.

Sometimes I want more children and other times I feel like one and done!

ETA: We don't have a lot of family help. DD goes to part time day care now. So that is also a factor

I guess when and if I'm ready for more I'll just know it. But I really did find all the responses interesting.

Message edited 1/17/2013 2:47:14 PM.

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

after having #1, I knew I was NOT done.

now that #2 is coming on Monday, my head knows for sure we are DONE. my heart hesitates sometimes just because I know that I will miss pregnancy and having such a little baby but that doesn't mean having another is right for us.

Two is manageable for us - strategically and financially. Anything more than that, we may be dooming ourselves

Honestly, this has been one of the most "grown-up" decisions that I have had to make - having my tubes tied on Monday. I know it is right for my FAMILY even though I may have a reservation or two in my heart.

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

I knew when I found out we were expecting twins

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

It's strange, I wasn't even 100% sure I wanted kids at all before I got pregnant with this one. Then I thought I only wanted one and done sheiks I was pregnant. Now I want another one...

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

I have a 16 year old SS, 6.5 yr old DD and 16 weeks pregnant. It took me this long to make the decision. I went back and forth racking my brain for the past 3 years. The decision was hard but I am so happy we went for it because I knew my regret in the future would outway my fears today. Its not an easy choice and I hope that when I am done, I know I am done so I don't have to go through that again. Good luck!

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

Posted by Melmel821

I think this is interesting because at one time or another I've felt like each of you.

I always felt like I would have been fine if it were just me and DH.

I have DD and I'm in love

I thought I'd want a lot of children (like 3 which is considered a big family nowadays).

Now that I'm back at work I'm just not sure how it would work out with even having one more.

Sometimes I want more children and other times I feel like one and done!

ETA: We don't have a lot of family help. DD goes to part time day care now. So that is also a factor

I guess when and if I'm ready for more I'll just know it. But I really did find all the responses interesting.

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

I have no idea! I am not sure if I am done, I have 2. I cant say for sure that I am done but I also cant say if I will have another. If I didnt work I would have a 3rd without any doubts but working makes it more difficult. We could afford it but probably be outside of my comfort zone. I know being extra tight with $$ would be worth it but I just dont know if it is the best move since I am a big worrier! The thought of paying for college for 3 also makes me nervous. I try not to think about it right now because my youngest is not even 6 months yet but I dont want them to be too far apart in age!

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

Posted by headoverheels

We are done because we cannot afford it, and neither can my sanity!

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

I'm not sure. I guess age plays in a factor and if you have a strong desire for another one or not. Money will probably play a factor too.

My husband and I always wanted a big family. 4-5 kids. At this point in time, I don't think we will have that many because of money and age, but I know we will definitely have one more, possibly two more. We have one daughter now.

I just feel like if you want more, you'll know because you will have a strong desire for more.

Re: Spin off to DONE: How do you know you are DONE.

I have 3 kids and i wanted a fourth for a while. DH was set on 3 so I knew i would have to convince him but was not in a rush. Recently my sister became pregnant with #4 and thats what I knew for sure I was done. The feelings I had were like "omg i cant imagine, thank god its not me!" type of thing... so I told DH "you win we will stop at 3"