Need advice

Hi Ladies- I need some advice about my mom.
She is so excited about the baby- and she is so supportive and loving.

But, she has a thing about weight- she has an eating disorder (that we don't discuss) and she has always put a lot of pressure on me to be thin. I'm slender but insecure about my body.

Anyway, she has been coming with me to my monthly appts because she loves to hear the heartbeat and DH comes to the sonos.

Well, at my last appt I was 18 weeks and up 8 lbs since I got preggers. My mom says, "oh boy- that's a lot, better watch it." The nurse says, no that's normal.

Then, we went shopping for maternity clothes and she told me to buy tops that had little sleeves- better to cover my heavier arms.

Ugh- I want her at my appointments but she is making me feel so bad about my body!

Should I tell her she has to stay outside till they weigh me? Should I just lay it all on the line? I don't want to hurt her feelings because she has been so wonderful and loving but I really don't want to hear her comments- its bad enough getting weighed every month!

TIA!

Re: Need advice

I would tell her that her comments about your weight hurt your feelings and that you really want to be able to continue to enjoy this pregnancy with her. I would ask her to not make any comments about your weight gain.

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Re: Need advice

You definitely need to let her know how she's making you feel. You will only feel more insecure the bigger you get and you don't need anyone making you feel any worse about it. I had only gained 8 pounds at 18 weeks and now at 25 weeks I'm up 20 pounds. That's 12 pounds in 7 weeks- almost double what I'm supposed to be up. I feel so unhappy about it and I feel like I would just die if someone made me feel even worse.

Re: Need advice

Posted by ana6178

Posted by lo13lo13

I would tell her that her comments about your weight hurt your feelings and that you really want to be able to continue to enjoy this pregnancy with her. I would ask her to not make any comments about your weight gain.

I agree 100%- you can say it in a very loving and non-confrontational manner.

Good luck.


BTW- sounds like you are doing great with your weight gain- post a pic so we can see how cute you look.

Re: Need advice

Well obviously your mother has an emotional illness that she pushes onto you. I am so sorry you have had to deal with this type of pressure. I would seriously not have her come to the appts anymore or I would ask my doctor to speak to my mother about the need for you to gain weight and that if you don't you and your baby will be sick. I would then request that she not make comments about it again as it is hurting your feelings and making you feel not as beautiful- and you should feel beautiful!! You are beautiful, whether you gain 8 or 18 or 28 or more...you are beautiful!!!

Re: Need advice

my dh comes to all my appointments - but the nurse leads him to (or now since we go eevry two weeks she's more comfy with me so she tells him where to go.... ) and then does all that...perhaps you could just ask your dr to have the person taking you in do that if you don't want to start anything with your mom??

Re: Need advice

Ariella first of all you look WONDERFUL. You have such a great figure, one I would just die for, and even as a pg momma you look like you are in EXCELLENT shape. Please do NOT let her get you down!

Now, before your next appt., if you still want mom to go with you and you don't want to confront her, I would call the Dr. or nurse and ask them if it is OK to bring you in to be weighed privately, and then let your mom in, so it looks like their idea and not yours.

You don't need the added stress and aggravation. Besides, you look awesome, you really do!!

Re: Need advice

Re: Need advice

Re: Need advice

My take on the matter is you need to be very up front with your mother and not just have your Doctor weigh you while she waits outside. The comments won't stop if she does not know how much you are gaining, she will continue to say things about your figure from what i am getting from her past comments.

I would just in a non confrentational matter tell you mom that your doctor is very happy with your weight gain as are you and that you would appreciate her support for you in every way during the pregnancy and that her comments make you feel very insecure.

If you choose not to do this (or find you cannot do this) i think your mom will continue to put her insecurity of weight onto you for the entire pregnancy.

Message edited 7/6/2006 8:49:47 AM.

Re: Need advice

Re: Need advice

You ladies are so sweet- thank you for the advice!

I think I'm going to have a talk with her- gentle but firm. I'm going to tell her that all of these body changes aren't easy for me- and she has to stop because she will only make it harder. Although, I will start off by saying how much I appreciate her support lately-- she calls me every day to see how i am feeling.

I'm going to do it today! Thank you so much everyone!

Re: Need advice

Posted by wowcoulditbe

my dh comes to all my appointments - but the nurse leads him to (or now since we go eevry two weeks she's more comfy with me so she tells him where to go.... ) and then does all that...perhaps you could just ask your dr to have the person taking you in do that if you don't want to start anything with your mom??