Vent about DH

My DH will not ahem, perform well under pressure.

My DH does not have the same burning desire for another but he is completely on board with having one.

Therefore- I have so much anxiety over BDing.

Anyone else whose DH doesn't really know too much dealing with this? It's like I can't say "We have to DTD tonight" because then it really won't happen and prior to TTC we were good for 1-2x a week and that is just not gonna cut it but lately he's been working a lot, sick, and tired so I feel like there isn't much going on. I'm on CD 14 with another neg OPK this morning and tonight he's exhausted and had a few beers (I won't go there after a few beers either). We BD Mon night and I expect to see a tomorrow so hopefully he's up for it tomorrow night otherwise I'm pretty much out again

Vent over.

Re: Vent about DH

Why not try to seduce him? Dont mention TTC and avoid saying things like, "we have to have sex tonight because Im ovulating" things like this use to bother my DH and we would DTD but he would never finish. For some reason these kind of things put pressure on men. Why not light some candles, put on some sexy lingerie and just get on that..

Re: Vent about DH

Posted by bettybcafe

Why not try to seduce him? Dont mention TTC and avoid saying things like, "we have to have sex tonight because Im ovulating" things like this use to bother my DH and we would DTD but he would never finish. For some reason these kind of things put pressure on men. Why not light some candles, put on some sexy lingerie and just get on that..

Re: Vent about DH

Posted by readyornot2

Posted by bettybcafe

Why not try to seduce him? Dont mention TTC and avoid saying things like, "we have to have sex tonight because Im ovulating" things like this use to bother my DH and we would DTD but he would never finish. For some reason these kind of things put pressure on men. Why not light some candles, put on some sexy lingerie and just get on that..

Thanks. I would NEVER say i was oing lol but im glad to know my dh is not the only one who cracks under pressure. Thing is with us DH knows im not like that so hell read between the lines. Hed probably laugh at me
I do just try to be a little sexy in my own way but all this working late and being tired is killing it!

Re: Vent about DH

I totally understand. I was having that problem when we first thought about not not trying... he got mad that I bought that book on fertility. He didn't want it to be clinical. I would have still been having that issue if the doctor hadn't told us we either need to get pregnant or I need to have surgery that will put us off almost a year and possibly have a negative effect on my fertility. Now he is on board 100% and asking me when we need to.

I like the suggestion of seducing him. Or ease him into it and keep it fun and easy for a few months.

Re: Vent about DH

I completely understand! Mine told me last night "I need a break from your crazy schedule" WE JUST STARTED TTC!

I like the PP idea of wearing sexy lingerie and making it more of an "adventure" rather than an obligation.

Message edited 1/12/2012 10:18:31 AM.

Re: Vent about DH

i know EXACTLY what you mean! I get so frustrated w/DH. He says he wants a baby; but then when it comes to BD when i need him to he says I'm stressing him and it's too much pressure that it just has to happen on its own. I tried explaining it won't just happen on it's own if we're not BD'ing at the right times.

I've tried just not mentioning it's "that time" and wearing lingerie; doing things to put us in the mood.

Best of luck!!

Re: Vent about DH

I had the same problem with DH this cycle (its our first cycle trying)
I didnt tell him when I was o-ing but i did tell him i wanted to dtd two nights in a row (which for us isnt the norm...we do it every other night basically). anyway, we the first night i got a positive opk and the next morning i tried to be all cute and say how amazing last night was and can we have a repeat performance tonight...well he couldnt do it.
so for me, i just decided now we will stick to our usual every other night routine since he hasnt had trouble in the past...and it is still possible to get pregnant that way.

Re: Vent about DH

Posted by jams92

I had the same problem with DH this cycle (its our first cycle trying)
I didnt tell him when I was o-ing but i did tell him i wanted to dtd two nights in a row (which for us isnt the norm...we do it every other night basically). anyway, we the first night i got a positive opk and the next morning i tried to be all cute and say how amazing last night was and can we have a repeat performance tonight...well he couldnt do it.
so for me, i just decided now we will stick to our usual every other night routine since he hasnt had trouble in the past...and it is still possible to get pregnant that way.

Re: Vent about DH

DH is big on planning it. Maybe he needs mental prep. I was in the mood last night and he said we'll do it this weekend. Meanwhile I like to be more spontaneous.

Re: Vent about DH

Re: Vent about DH

I know exactly where you are coming from...we have had several "fights" about this issue...he is crazy since we started he wanted to do TI and not an IUI and it worked for a couple of nights after that I would tell him we need to tonight and he just couldnt get to the finish line and I said it has to happen and he said it was all the pressure that was affecting him...he told me he wanted to know to "mentally prepare" but then all the prep gave him more pressure...I tried it all and once he knew what I was up to...like waiting for him naked or seducing him...he said he knew what it was for so the anxiety would start...we still have issues but I think that I have to change how I look at since he needs "breaks" so I cant give up on him trying to finish and we start earlier in the night and keep going until it happens....I know it s ucks and you are not alone!!!

Re: Vent about DH

With my DH's issues, this past month we always tried to do the "first round" earlier in the night so if we had to try again later, we had time! Poor guy.