Am i really being ridiculous ....

Im having my shower soon it's not a surprise since im helping my mother plan it.
My mil just threw her daughter a baby shower and the whole time made a big thing about how it's was he thing cause it was HER daughter ( meaning in regards to certain things pertaining to my sil's mil ) ...how it was her daughter who was having the baby so she felt she is like the first to do everytng. I love her to death she is really good to me but she just mentioned something about my guest list and thought maybe she should send invites to the people she wants to invite and my mother and i can send to my side ( i of course started to make a big thing about it saying that i was taking car of it I just need a list of people she wants there i want everyone to have the same invite and what not. I know i know pick my battles but this isn't the only thing but i just thought it was really strange of her to even put that out there. My husband said just take it as her tryin to make things easier for me but i was kinda insulted a lil bit ....maybe it was hormones ( my words not his ) ....should i put my foot down now with this lil thing or let it slide till the bigger things come ( and they are def coming ) cause she is already dropping hints about certain things. .... Like staying with us for a week cause her daughter let her stay with her to help( even though we have a one bedroom apartment and have to mention i we live above MY parents so if i need help in the middle of the night MY mom is there). Again im being told to let it slide uuugghhh

Re: Am i really being ridiculous ....

If I were you I would put my foot down now! She planned everything for HER daughter, so why should she interfere with your mom's plans??? You should insist she give you a list, and you and your mom will send invites to those on her list who you intend to invite!

Also, I think you should stress to DH that you do not want your MIL staying with you!

Dhs parents are divorced so I have 2 SETS of inlaws and have been stressing about keeping them under control when the baby comes! Dealing with inlaws can be so stressful!

Good luck!

Re: Am i really being ridiculous ....

You're not being ridiculous -- she is being nuts by trying to send her own invites to her side.

Get DH on your side with this and tell him that he needs to have a talk with his mom and she must simmer.

He needs to approach her and say "How would you have felt if your daughter's MIL wanted to take over things and send her own invites to her guests?" I'd bet she would not like that in the least.

When she drops hints, you need to just be direct and tell her that it's nice for her to offer, but you will have plenty of help from your own parents.

When it comes to things like this, you really can not pussyfoot around it...you HAVE to be honest.

Re: Am i really being ridiculous ....

no, you're not being ridiculous. address it now before it gets worse!

Re: Am i really being ridiculous ....

You are not being ridiculous at ALL...

The most important thing in your marriage is that you and DH have to be on the same page with this crap... before the "other stuff" hits the fan. If that isn't established now, then it's just going to cause more headaches down the road.

There was miscommunication with DH and I when I thought his mom wanted to stay with us when the baby was born. Don't get me wrong... I love my MIL and we get along great, but my DH - at first - was taken aback when I said I didn't want her to be staying with us when the baby was born. I told him that it's our first child and I really want it to just be the three of us getting into our own little "family" groove - which is 100% true. I don't mind if she wants to come over each day - like I'm sure my mom will be, but just not here 24 hours a day until we're settled. He agreed with this - and when he told his mom, it turns out she wasn't even thinking of staying in our house and totally agreed with me.

As for the shower, you do have to put your foot down... or better yet - your DH has to put his foot down and tell her that she's throwing a wrench in the shower plans and stressing you out more, which isn't good. He just hast to tell her to give a list of her invites... end of story. He can't keep making excuses for her. If she really is the way she sounds, then he knows it. And he knows she's not just trying to "make things easier". It's quite the opposite...

Message edited 4/18/2011 8:01:08 AM.

Re: Am i really being ridiculous ....

you're not being ridiculous -
So it was perfectly acceptable to play the "Mother of the Daughter" card w/ HER OWN daughter, but now your Mom doesn't get the same treatment for you? Sorry, no go -
No need for her to send shower invites for you - who's throwing you the shower?