Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

I am going to half-jokingly ask if we really need them! My mom prefers (putting it lightly) that we choose my brother..he is 26, still in law school, and has never even done a load of laundry! When we think of g-dparents, we think of someone who will be RESPONSIBLE for our child(ren) should something happen and our will will reflect that...I explained that once my brother had himself together, I would change it, but she is upset because picking my brother is the "right" thing to do...ugh...

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

Message edited 8/16/2019 4:50:37 PM.

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

i hate when parents talk about "the right thing to do"

Mine and dh's guilted me into having his sister in my wedding party and tried to guilt us into having my sister or dhs sister at the god mother. My sister is developmentally diasabled, she is unable to be the god parent and his sister is out of the qustion cause shes too over bearing.

We are going to go with whoever we deicde is best for our child, not who anyone else wants us to have.

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

Well, being a legal guardian to your DC and being a Godparent are not one in the same the way it used to be thoight of...So if you were to choose your BIL as Godfather, you may choose someone more suiting to raise your DC in the event that anything were to happen to you....



With us, we wanted a married couple and sadly my SIL and her DH who are my DD's Godparents are going through a very unexpected divorce

My other SIL and her DH are their guardians (we spoke about it with them) , and they happen to also be DS's Godparents...I too thought like you , but realized that since we were going to have more than 1 DC, that asking them to be Godparents to ALL of our children would be asking too much (they always go the extra mile on holidays etc...)

We are now at a cross-roads with #3 because the whole importance of it being a "couple" kinda flew the coup after what happened with DD's Godparents

You really have to do what you feel right with

Message edited 2/22/2011 6:04:11 PM.

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

Thanks all...Bops, I do not have a BIL, although, to be honest, were he still with us, he would be a great candidate...I just don't know...it's frustrating as anything, though!

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

I would feel wierd not picking my brother. Although he is older and very resposible. We will picking my SIL (DH's sis) though and she will be just 21. Honestly, I do not see her raising this child anytime soon if something god forbid happened but she is my husbands sister (I dont have one) and I feel she should be the godmother.

Are you close w/ your brother? If you are not or feel someone else is a better fit you should do what is comfortable for you and DH, kwim?

Message edited 2/22/2011 7:16:34 PM.

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

We are picking god parents for purely sentimental value and naming our child's legal guardian separately. We are naming my sister and my husbands brother as god parents, but for the time being the children would go to my parents. We plan on changing it down the road once our siblings are more established, but at this point none of them can handle the responsibility of raising a child if something were to happen to us.

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

I agree that the godparents don't necessarily have to be the ones who raise your child. My brother and I had different godparents but if anything happened to my parents we wouldn't be separated. My parents had in their will the arrangements they wanted and who would raise us.

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

I usually stray away from the "right thing everyone says to do" and just go with what I feel is the "right thing for us to do". In our case we aren't having my brother as the godfather to our first child...but my SIL will be the godmother. God spares we have a 2nd child he will be the godfather, but for now I didn't feel it was the right timing.

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

Thanks...families make everything complicated...it is a good idea to maybe isolate g-dparent from caretaker..I don't know...

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

Posted by TheDivaBrideandTeddyFrog

Posted by evnme

Posted by TheDivaBrideandTeddyFrog

Thanks...families make everything complicated...it is a good idea to maybe isolate g-dparent from caretaker..I don't know...

in judaism, god parents are just an honorary title for the ceremony only since we do not have god parents like christians do- god parents do not have any responsibility (religious or civil) toward the child.

if you choose a legal guardian/caretaker- that is something totally different.

Thank you..I was actually waiting to hear from you...and your little cutie is such a cutie...

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

Thanks again...this definitely brings talking points up...

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

I'm old school so for me choosing a godparent does mean finding someone who doesn't necessarily HAVE to...but COULD care for my child should something happen to us...but whats more important to me is not finding a CARETAKER should something happen..bc that could be put in a will...but I'd like to make sure the people we choose can guide our children spiritually and morally and act as role models to our children.

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

We are choosing my sister and DH's brother. They are not a couple (obvioulsy) and DH's brother is not at the most stable point in his life/career.

However, Godparents have NOTHING to do with being responsible for a child in the event of your death. You need to name someone in a Will, and if you don't have one, a Godparent has no legal claim or obligation to your child. They are just there to guide your child in their faith, make sure they go through the necessary steps to become an "adult" in the church, etc. So it was more important to us to choose people that were serious about their faith.

DH's parents will be named in our Will to care for all of our DC--not the Godparents.

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

Now I just need to see if DH is old school about it..I think at this point, he doesn't want to because it would appease my mom... (long story)

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

I was going to say what Bops already posted but just to tell you how I understand it...

First I am NOT leaving my DS to his godparents should anything happen to me or DH. I didnt choose legal guardians that day. I chose 2 people (DH's brother and my brother's wife) who I expect if DH and should pass would take responsibility for making sure that DS is raised in the Catholic Religion. That is the role of Godparent moreso now than how it used to be.

The role of Godparent is an honor but I will be honest unlike in OLD days there isnt much "responsibility" to it these days.

I am not sure who we will choose to be godparent for this child. But in our family, my parents did it this way for all of us, my brother did it this way for all his kids, etc, we choose a family member from the mother's side and the father's side.

My big thing is choosing someone you feel will be in your child's life no matter what.

Re: Parents who need to choose g-dparents, help!

our godparents are people we would trust with our kid but are not actually the people that we have next in line if something were to happen to us. .

I agree that godparent and legal guardian would be TOTALLY different and I often think that people that you would not want to be legal guardians probably would not want that either. . (like your brother)

I think you can choose two sets if you want your bro as a godparent - like the type who just might spend an extra day or two with the child etc but you are DEF under no obligation to do so. .