personal question about BDing...

Ok ladies, I need some help here. Lately I can feel a difference with my DH when we BD. I know I was a lot more uptight about the timing and ovluation, etc. last month and it kinda affected him so I am honeslty not doing that this month... I swear! I even made a comment in passing about 'next week' being a good week So he goes "oh ok I got it,lol" but I am really Oing this week, I just thought it would take the pressure off of him. But last night we BD and I still can tell the difference in him so I bring it up to him and tell him to talk to me. Well, long story short - he can't get out of his head now that he HAS to perform and it's all he can think about now during BDing. He says that all he can think in his head is how bad he wants a baby and how he has to make sure he 'does every thing right'. So of course the more he thinks about it, the more affected he is. I tried to tell him to not even worry about it, that I will take care of the timing and all that. But he said that every time I start the 'process' all he thinks about is 'ok it's that time now, I have to perform and make a baby". lol. I don't know what else I can do to make him just relax and enjoy it. I am already lying to him about Oing times so he thinks we are BDing just for fun this week Do any of you ladies ever have this problem?? I mean it's bad enough that I am worrying about timing and stuff.... it's worse when it's both of us! Any advice for my cute but 'over thinking' husband???

Re: personal question about BDing...

i posted about this so many times and sent so many FM's to my friends about this exact topic it's not funny...

i too, lied to dave about O'ing time, but unfortunately, for me - he could tell (i had NO problems with CM)...but he couldn't tell until he was already WAY into things...

if you try and 'overtalk' about it - it won't help (at least with dave it didn't). i used to think that he just wasn't as ready as i was, but it was all about the mental pressure they put on themselves... they do what WE do....we freak and test and pee on sticks, they just mentally pump themselves up and then have WAYYYY too much pressure on themselves and may not be able to 'perform'.

i think you are going the right thing by fibbing about O dates...but once you do that - STICK TO IT...seriously....let him think the 'big week' is next week...and don't be upset if he has issues next week....but also do NOT tell him that you lied and it's this week.... dave appreciated it - but then would start doing his own math!

GOOD LUCK - and no, you are NOT alone in this!!!!!

Re: personal question about BDing...

i really feel your pain... we had gone through this also... and its REALLY hard ..

it's good that you are trying to distract him though and throw him off with your O date..

now do you talk about TTC alot like throughout the day ? cause this was our problem.. then when it came time to BD.. there was so much pressure.. its so hard all around to make it easy.. the journey is just exhausting on so many levels

Re: personal question about BDing...

Have you tried to "spice" things up a bit? Maybe get some new sexy lingerie and surprise him when he comes home for work?

I have been doing little things like that to keep things exciting for both of us. So far it is working.

Re: personal question about BDing...

Perhaps you could consider just not talking about it at all for a little bit? And maybe dress a little sexy for him one night and just take care of him (*wink wink* if you know what i mean ) as if to show him that he's not just some baby making machine and he needs to not be feeling the pressure as much....like "see we can still have fun and its not ALWAYS about the baby making".

Message edited 2/19/2009 12:47:08 PM.

Re: personal question about BDing...

Thanks girls, it's good to know I am not a lone on this. But to answer your questions, No, we do not talk a lot about it at all! I get my fix from here, lol. Last month we did but that was bc it was when we frist decided to try. We barely talk about it at all really now. He did say last night that he felt really bad bc I was pretty upset last month when we got a BFN and he justs doesn't want me to be that upset again. I tried to explain to him that it was hard but bc it was the first BFN. I told myself after that that I really needed to let things just happen and understand it will take time. So I have been really good about not over talking or over thinking... but now he is doing it for me

Re: personal question about BDing...

Re: personal question about BDing...

We have the same issues. Basically (I know this sounds terrible) but we've accepted the fact that there are 2 types of BD'ing. Around O time = horrible BD (more like a chore). All other times = for actual enjoyment!

Re: personal question about BDing...

if you don't talk about it with him, and it's still an issue, then i would try just BDing every other day or every three days... that way you can tell him it is ALWAYS just for fun

i think that it can become a problem when you are only BDing a few times a month, all within the same week or so... believe me i was guilty of the same thing!!

Re: personal question about BDing...

Re: personal question about BDing...

my DH started to get like that a little at first so I tried to make things more fun and spontaneous and that seemed to help...just do it..lol..it will happen!

Re: personal question about BDing...

Going out to dinner and having a couple drinks first worked nicely for me....

Enjoy a nice dinner, a couple glasses of wine, good conversation.. then come home to a nice night. It was sort of the finish to the date night.

Re: personal question about BDing...

OH DH is totally like this....I feel bad and lie to him as well because its like super pressure that apparently he can't handle. He wants a baby so bad and at first thought something was wrong as if he "didnt work".

Re: personal question about BDing...

My DH and I talked about it and he actually asked me not to tell him for this reason. He was afraid he would not be able to perform under pressure and would stress out that I would be upset with him. I do not tell him and he doesn't ask. We just do our thing and hope for the best

Re: personal question about BDing...

Thanks for all the responses! I am just hoping it either gets easier for him or that our time will come soon

Re: personal question about BDing...

Based on personal experience I think that this is really common for guys. It's a psychological thing!

Re: personal question about BDing...

Posted by davenjess

i posted about this so many times and sent so many FM's to my friends about this exact topic it's not funny...

i too, lied to dave about O'ing time, but unfortunately, for me - he could tell (i had NO problems with CM)...but he couldn't tell until he was already WAY into things...

if you try and 'overtalk' about it - it won't help (at least with dave it didn't). i used to think that he just wasn't as ready as i was, but it was all about the mental pressure they put on themselves... they do what WE do....we freak and test and pee on sticks, they just mentally pump themselves up and then have WAYYYY too much pressure on themselves and may not be able to 'perform'.

i think you are going the right thing by fibbing about O dates...but once you do that - STICK TO IT...seriously....let him think the 'big week' is next week...and don't be upset if he has issues next week....but also do NOT tell him that you lied and it's this week.... dave appreciated it - but then would start doing his own math!

GOOD LUCK - and no, you are NOT alone in this!!!!!