Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old...UPDATED

So my friend from worked asked me to be in her wedding party prior to me finding out that I was pregnant. My due date is 3/17 and the wedding is 5/16. So figure that give or take, DD is about 8wks old when this wedding is supposed to happen. I am going to be BFing, so I am freaking out about how this is all going to work. I would really love to just tell her that I don't think I can do it, but I don't have the heart. I figure that worst case, once the baby is born I can tell her that it's just too much and that I need to back out, but is that worse? Help!

So I spoke to my friend last night and told her that I just didn't think I could do it. She was so understanding. I feel so relieved. I will be a very happy guest at the wedding, but just won't be in the bridal party. Thank you for your advice!!

Message edited 1/16/2009 9:22:32 AM.

Re: Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old

If you are planning on backing out anyway- I would tell her now so she can replace you if need be.

Re: Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old

what makes you think you can't do it? I'm asking only because by being in the BP, you will be able to breastfeed in the bridal suite (if you have to)...

don't wait until you have the baby to back out - no matter what you do...tell her now...so she can make preparations...

Re: Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old

You can pump your breastmilk.

Would that not be an option?

Re: Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old

I personally think it's worse to back out later on .....Are you ONLY going to nurse the baby? Or will you ocassionally pump and give him/her a bottle?

If it were a week or 2 in I'd say to back out, but 2 months? I think you should be ok to do it - As long as you don't have to travel to Guam or anything .........-

But it all depends on you and what you are comfortable with -
If you honestly don't think you're going to want to be there, I'd tell her now -

Re: Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old

HOnestly, I wouldn't be able to do it..... I don't think I'd be up to the task of being a BM at 8 weeks post-partum and taking care of a newborn. I wouldn't want to take the baby to the wedding and be around so many people and I know there is no way i'd be able to leaver her with anyone that young, but thats just ME.


Go with what your gut is telling you, if you have doubts I think its better to back out now then later!

Re: Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old

If you are going to back out, I do agree with the other girls, better to back out sooner than later.

Re: Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old

I guess I agree that if I am going to back out, I need to do it now as opposed to later. I would not be bringing the baby with me to the wedding. My mom wouls watch her. I guess I really need to see how BFing goes and if I can pump enough, that would take care of that. I am sure I would leave the reception early. I don't think I have the heart to back out. We talk about the wedding on a daily basis. How could I do that to her. I wish I werent' in this situation

Re: Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old

Posted by nicknmb

I guess I agree that if I am going to back out, I need to do it now as opposed to later. I would not be bringing the baby with me to the wedding. My mom wouls watch her. I guess I really need to see how BFing goes and if I can pump enough, that would take care of that. I am sure I would leave the reception early. I don't think I have the heart to back out. We talk about the wedding on a daily basis. How could I do that to her. I wish I werent' in this situation

Message edited 1/14/2009 11:09:32 AM.

Re: Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old

honestly 8 weeks, I think you'll be ok. You can pump earlier in the day and later on. I think you'll be fine by 8 weeks. Women go back to work at 6-8 weeks. If it were week 1-2 I'd agree, but you'll be fine. Also, why would you leave the reception early??? JMO, but that will be your first big night out, enjoy it!!!

Message edited 1/14/2009 11:14:52 AM.

Re: Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old

Yeah, many women go back to work by 8 weeks. Leaving the baby with her grandmother, who I am sure would have had lots of interaction with the baby, would totally be fine. I would totally still be a BM, obviously only for a close friend, which she must be since you are a BM.

Personally I would be more concerned about my BM duties 1-2 months before the actual wedding, like planning/attending the bridal shower/bachelorette party.

Re: Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old

If you're going to back out, I'd do it now. Are you planning on EBFing? If so, in order to maintain your supply and to avoid getting engorged, you'll likely have to pump every 3 hours or so while you're away from the baby. You'll also have to make sure you leave enough pumped milk for the baby.

Be aware that some babies won't take a bottle if they're EBFing. Other babies may refuse the breast after having a bottle b/c it's much easier to get the milk from a bottle. I haven't had that problem, but it's a risk you take when giving a bottle at an early age. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Re: Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old

I was the MOH for my sister's wedding when I was 7 wks PP. My DS attended both the rehersal dinner and wedding with me. Every thing went very smoothly and I was able to BF in the bridal suite. My DH just gave our DS 1 bottle of EBM right before the ceremony while we were all getting ready in the bridal suite. He slept on me in his baby carrier through most of the reception.

However, one of the main reasons that this worked for me was that it was a family wedding. (My ILs were even guests at the wedding.) I had people to pass him off to and I used the bridal suite a lot. I don't know if I would have been as comfortable if it were just a friend.

Another thing to consider is that your DC may not be born on the actual DD. So you could really be anywhere from 10 wks to 6 wks PP.

If you don't feel comfortable being in the wedding, you should definitely back out now. Don't go through all of the trouble of ordering a dress and pretending that you're going to do it.

Re: Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old

I understand a bit how you feel - but in an opposite sort of way! I will be 8.5 months pregnant at my friend's wedding (that I am a bridesmaid in). I didn't plan it this way of course, but we were trying and it happened quicker than we might have anticipated! When I told her I was pregnant, she said I didn't have to 'go through with it', but I said nah, don't be silly, of course I'll still do it. But now all I can think about is being ready to pop during this summer wedding and having an uncomfortable time! It's a tough call because we can't know how we're going to feel at that given moment! I would echo other people and see if it's possible for you pump in the suite privately? Or before and after the event?

Re: Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old

I am MOH in my sister's wedding in 11 weeks. I am scheuduled for a section next week. I am not at all worried about the wedding or being in it (this is my second DC).

I think that if you really want to make it work, you definitley can, but you need to ultimately decide what you think is best for you and DC. I am sure that she would understand and appreciate it if you were to back out now.

Re: Supposed to be a BM when DD is 8wks old...UPDATED

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