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JsWife
His laugh, Her smile
Member since 12/06 2902 total posts
Name:
Patricia
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Re: Please help me before I go ape UPDATE BELOW
Posted by CaseyGirl
So Wednesday night, I had ANOTHER pain attack from the kidney stones and wound up back in the ER  but before that, I told my DH what SIL had said. He called her and blasted her about her insensitivity. She hung up on him. She then calls my MIL to TELL ON my DH  (She is 42 yr old and supposed to be a mother herself soon!!). My MIL calls my DH and accuses he and I of being MEAN to her and taking away from her joy during this happy time in her life.
Give me an f'in break. Once again goes to show you the woman's maturity level.
So I haven't spoken to her and don't plan to anytime soon.
SHE IS REALLY PI$$ING ME OFF NOW!
WHERE DOES SHE LIVE? I'll take care of her...
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Posted 9/5/08 11:43 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Please help me before I go ape UPDATE BELOW
personally, IMO, while what she said was insensitive, and while she doesn't seem to have much of a clue or sense of tact, I don't think your DH handled it in the right way..this is JMO
The right way would have been you sitting her down and calmly explain to her the emotions you are feeling, and how her comments hurt you. Try to make her understand in a calm manner. No anger, no accusations. This is about how YOU feel. She may not understand, and if she reacted poorly, in that case, you'd have every right to cut her out.
But DH "blasting" her was pretty sure to create a negative reaction on her part. While I don't agree with her getting his mom involved - him coming at her angrily just set off a chain of negative events.
Unfortunately, in my experience, people suffering from IF sometimes have to tow the line. We have every right to express how comments hurt us, and we should let people know why we feel the way we do, and why we can't go to a b-day party or a christening.
But, when anger and emotion becomes too prevalent in the discussion, it takes away from what we're trying to communicate, and makes us look jealous and bitter.
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| Posted 9/5/08 11:58 AM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Please help me before I go ape UPDATE BELOW
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
personally, IMO, while what she said was insensitive, and while she doesn't seem to have much of a clue or sense of tact, I don't think your DH handled it in the right way..this is JMO
The right way would have been you sitting her down and calmly explain to her the emotions you are feeling, and how her comments hurt you. Try to make her understand in a calm manner. No anger, no accusations. This is about how YOU feel. She may not understand, and if she reacted poorly, in that case, you'd have every right to cut her out.
But DH "blasting" her was pretty sure to create a negative reaction on her part. While I don't agree with her getting his mom involved - him coming at her angrily just set off a chain of negative events.
Unfortunately, in my experience, people suffering from IF sometimes have to tow the line. We have every right to express how comments hurt us, and we should let people know why we feel the way we do, and why we can't go to a b-day party or a christening.
But, when anger and emotion becomes too prevalent in the discussion, it takes away from what we're trying to communicate, and makes us look jealous and bitter.
I understand where you're coming from. I don't know if you've seen any of CaseyGirls other posts on this matter, but her SIL went through IVF as well at the same time CaseyGirl did. She's told her before how she's felt and needs some space, yet her SIL keeps throwing this in her face.
Jen - She really needs to grow the he!! up. She's only going to suceed in alienating herself from you and DH. It's beyond me just how insensitive she is!
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| Posted 9/5/08 12:21 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Please help me before I go ape UPDATE BELOW
she is just downright clueless and ignorant.
I would just distance myself until she wises up. She's been given enough chances.
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| Posted 9/5/08 12:26 PM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: Please help me before I go ape UPDATE BELOW
Posted by Blu-ize
she is just downright clueless and ignorant.
I would just distance myself until she wises up. She's been given enough chances.
I couldn't agree more...and as long as your DH is on the same page - stay away from her for a good long while.
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| Posted 9/5/08 12:45 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Please help me before I go ape UPDATE BELOW
Posted by MrsRbk
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
personally, IMO, while what she said was insensitive, and while she doesn't seem to have much of a clue or sense of tact, I don't think your DH handled it in the right way..this is JMO
The right way would have been you sitting her down and calmly explain to her the emotions you are feeling, and how her comments hurt you. Try to make her understand in a calm manner. No anger, no accusations. This is about how YOU feel. She may not understand, and if she reacted poorly, in that case, you'd have every right to cut her out.
But DH "blasting" her was pretty sure to create a negative reaction on her part. While I don't agree with her getting his mom involved - him coming at her angrily just set off a chain of negative events.
Unfortunately, in my experience, people suffering from IF sometimes have to tow the line. We have every right to express how comments hurt us, and we should let people know why we feel the way we do, and why we can't go to a b-day party or a christening.
But, when anger and emotion becomes too prevalent in the discussion, it takes away from what we're trying to communicate, and makes us look jealous and bitter.
I understand where you're coming from. I don't know if you've seen any of CaseyGirls other posts on this matter, but her SIL went through IVF as well at the same time CaseyGirl did. She's told her before how she's felt and needs some space, yet her SIL keeps throwing this in her face.
Jen - She really needs to grow the he!! up. She's only going to suceed in alienating herself from you and DH. It's beyond me just how insensitive she is!
Yep - I know the history. I wasn't aware that a calmer conversation had already taken place. From what I remember, there was something conducted over email, but if an in person conversation has taken place, then I was unaware and apologize.
Since that's the case, I still stand by my opinion that an angry reaction wouldn't really do any good, but I would say that knowing that she is clueless and ignorant, just take even stronger actions to severely limit your interactions with her.
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| Posted 9/5/08 1:16 PM |
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SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Please help me before I go ape UPDATE BELOW
She is immature and insensitive, and if she (and your MIL) can't understand how you would feel hurt and saddened by her comments, then she is not worth your time. I would limit all interaction with her and since it seems DH is on the same page with you now, I hope he won't be stepping to help as the "missing dad."
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| Posted 9/5/08 1:29 PM |
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Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: Please help me before I go ape UPDATE BELOW
Posted by -BabyQuestions-
Posted by Marcie
Posted by CaseyGirl
She just called my cell and left a VM. Hey Jen where were you, you were online earlier and then you were gone? CLUELESS as to how mad those comments made me. I feel like I HAVE to say something.
Why would you ask me if my DH told me? And if he didnt? Then you are rubbing it in my face. And the whole part about "preferring" one...YEA I would have "preferred" ONE too - ONE as compared to ZERO
Honestly Jen, I think your best bet is for you to sit with her and talk to her about it. Maybe you need to get all of your emotions out in front of her. Tell her how much you are hurting and that this is too much for you be taking in right now. I think this is the only way for to truly understand how much all of this is hurting you.
I would let her know that you are happy for her, but that you need time for it all to sink in 
I know it won't be easy, by any means, but I think it needs to come out of you and not DH
And if she really gives you a hard time and isn't nice about it - tell her that you need to distance yourself from her for a while.
I don't know if it is the 'right' advice, but my suggestion
I agree. Enough is enough already. She does not "get it" so she need to be told straight out directly to her face.
I'm with the ladies here. Why should you let this fester and sit in resentment? Tell her straight up what the deal is. If dh doesn't like it, too bad. I don't see anyone taking your feelings into account as she throws careless and insenstive comments all over the place. Time to set the record straight or it will eat you up inside
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| Posted 9/5/08 2:29 PM |
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BA2008
Need to find some hope!
Member since 2/08 2485 total posts
Name:
Beth -Ann
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Re: Please help me before I go ape UPDATE BELOW
There's no way to win here. I would just keep my distance, which is what you are doing anyway.
Though it is fun to bash her
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| Posted 9/5/08 5:36 PM |
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
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Re: Please help me before I go ape UPDATE BELOW
Posted by SweetTooth
She is immature and insensitive, and if she (and your MIL) can't understand how you would feel hurt and saddened by her comments, then she is not worth your time. I would limit all interaction with her and since it seems DH is on the same page with you now, I hope he won't be stepping to help as the "missing dad."
ITA with you. Jen, just distance yourself. They sound like real pieces of work.
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| Posted 9/5/08 6:36 PM |
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resigned
LIF Zygote
Member since 8/08 44 total posts
Name:
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Re: Please help me before I go ape UPDATE BELOW
you did the right thing by blocking her, why should you have to deal with insensitive people.... life is stressful as it is with the whole infertility thing
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| Posted 9/5/08 10:19 PM |
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jw11897
LOVING LIFE
Member since 6/05 1433 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Please help me before I go ape UPDATE BELOW
i am so sorry you are going through this.
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| Posted 9/5/08 11:52 PM |
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MrsJoeG
Beyond Blessed <3
Member since 2/08 1482 total posts
Name:
Amanda
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Re: Please help me before I go ape UPDATE BELOW
Posted by MrsMessina
This one sounds like a piece of work.  If I were your DH I would call her directly and tell her that she and he can't have any real brother/sister relationship/friendship if every time there are any issues she runs to mommy, and to call him when she grows up.
ITA I am sorry you continue to deal with this. I hope those nasty stones go away now too! I have had them since I was 15 and they are horrible!
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| Posted 9/6/08 7:28 AM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: Please help me before I go ape UPDATE BELOW
My DH could have handled it better, that I agree with. Now he feels stuck in the middle. His family is putting pressure on him to "be nice to her" and I guess since I am his wife he feels obligated to me. He agrees that what she said what emotionally immature but that we have to keep the peace. 
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| Posted 9/6/08 11:28 AM |
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CAH127
LIF Adult
Member since 7/07 1694 total posts
Name:
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Re: Please help me before I go ape UPDATE BELOW
Posted by Gertyrae
Posted by Blu-ize
she is just downright clueless and ignorant.
I would just distance myself until she wises up. She's been given enough chances.
I couldn't agree more...and as long as your DH is on the same page - stay away from her for a good long while.
I agree with this, as well. Just detach yourself from her. She just doesn't get it and some people never do.
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| Posted 9/6/08 11:35 AM |
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