Not sure what to make of this

We were away for the weekend and when we got back my FIL informed us his mother was in the hospital. FIL is in from out of town so the plan was to originally go out to dinner tonight. I told DH to take the train directly to mineola and that we would meet at the hospital. But DH wanted to come home, get dressed and we would go together. Now he just called me to tell me his father told him to take the train to the hospital and that he would take my DH home. I feel kinda snubbed since we told my FIL that we would be going together yesterday. When I mentioned this to DH, he gave me that "Oh, you can come too". Should I just let this go because Im really taking this personally.

Re: Not sure what to make of this

Diva, maybe DH's grandma is embarassed to be in the hospital and doesn't want too many visitors? KWIM? If thats the case, FIL should have just told you, instead of brushing you off.

Re: Not sure what to make of this

I guess your right.

Re: Not sure what to make of this

I think I'd feel alittle snubbed myself. But there could be any number of reasons why this happened. Just ask him.

Re: Not sure what to make of this

IMO...i think you are over thinking it..
I don't think this is about YOU. I think that your FIL is just thinking about your DH grandmother and getting your DH there to see her.

IMO your DH should have said something to his father about having you come and not to worry about driving him home!

Re: Not sure what to make of this

Re: Not sure what to make of this

I am sure that none of them are trying to snub you or make you feel bad. When there is a crisis going on people are less likely to think of whats right and wrong. Its just the name of the game when so many emotions are being brought forth. I think being there for your husband right now is the most important thing. Everything will fall into place when everythings normal again. Time and patience are important during rough times.

Re: Not sure what to make of this

I really think that you need to put DH and FIL feelings before your own right now.

Both of them are probably worried about DH's grandmother and may not exactly be thinking clearly. FIL may not have left you to be mean...as some posted before his mother may not want alot of visitors. DH may have had a million different thoughts running through his head when his father was talking to him about coming to the hospital...its not easy for a child to hear fear in thier parents voices.

When DH's grandmother got sick...DH went to see her with out me...and it wasn't because he didn't want me there with him...he just thought it best to see how his grandmother felt about visitors before he brought me there.

And when my grandmother became sick I hopped in the car with my sister and drove the 8 hours to see her....my sister and I both left our husbands home...and again it wasn't to be mean...it was to spend special quality time with our grandmother before she passed.

Re: Not sure what to make of this

Posted by Diva

Posted by Redhead

IMO your DH should have said something to his father about having you come and not to worry about driving him home!

You hit the nail on the head. I think this is what's upsetting me more. Why didnt my DH take me into consideration? What ever plans we had decided on, I was going to the hospital regardless. Why didnt DH say this to his father? I didnt get into everything with you guys, but this always happens. FIL says jump and DH asks how high....

Re: Not sure what to make of this

So here's a quick update:

When DH got home, I asked how his nana was doing and if everything was ok. Everything was fine, but he was really steamed at his dad. Seems DH had to wait and hour and a half until visiting hours. He would have much preferred to come home eat and change and go together. He said his whole family was there and they were all asking why I wasnt with him. When he explained the situation to his aunts, they all agreed that it wasnt right what his father did because they knew for a fact that he inconvenienced someone else to take him to the hospital and to take him back home AND drop my DH off too. The man did this on purpose to avoid me.
So I told him that I didnt want to bother him about this, but that sometimes I feel like his father doesnt want to realize that Im his wife and he agreed with me. He said his father does the same thing to his sister and her husband. He said tonight's situation made him realize this and that he wont let it happen again. I know this isnt my fault, but I just cant help but feel bad about it.

Message edited 1/12/2006 3:00:23 PM.

Re: Not sure what to make of this

Posted by Diva

He said tonight's situation made him realize this and that he wont let it happen again. I know this isnt my fault, but I just cant help but feel bad about it.

Message edited 1/12/2006 3:46:02 PM.

Re: Not sure what to make of this