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Domino
Always My Miracle
Member since 9/05 9924 total posts
Name:
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What NOT to say. . .
to someone who just had her first failed IVF cycle:
Its for the best
There's always adoption
Take a vacation.
Once you stop thinking about it, it will happen.
Great now you can drink
People suck
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Posted 6/28/08 8:28 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
MrsJoeG
Beyond Blessed <3
Member since 2/08 1482 total posts
Name:
Amanda
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
Yup I heard all of those too I am so sorry. You know, with my first cycle I told a lot of friends. I thought I would be able to use the "support". Of course I *knew* I had a 50% chance of it not working but I really believed it would work for me the first time. It didn't and it was devastating to have to re-tell the story again and again. The fact is, unless you have been through it no one can really understand IF. We are starting ivf#2 after the 4th and I have only told 2 people this time. Everyone else I just said we are taking a break for a while.
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| Posted 6/28/08 8:32 PM |
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CAH127
LIF Adult
Member since 7/07 1694 total posts
Name:
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
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| Posted 6/28/08 9:22 PM |
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Domino
Always My Miracle
Member since 9/05 9924 total posts
Name:
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
Posted by MrsJoeG
Yup I heard all of those too I am so sorry. You know, with my first cycle I told a lot of friends. I thought I would be able to use the "support". Of course I *knew* I had a 50% chance of it not working but I really believed it would work for me the first time. It didn't and it was devastating to have to re-tell the story again and again. The fact is, unless you have been through it no one can really understand IF. We are starting ivf#2 after the 4th and I have only told 2 people this time. Everyone else I just said we are taking a break for a while.
I think that's what makes it worse, that we told everyone. I was so optimistic. And now I have to tell everyone that it failed. I've been crying all day. DH is beside himself and has no idea how to console me. I think you're right. I think its better if I dont tell anyone.
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| Posted 6/28/08 10:16 PM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
I'm sorry sweetie. DH just had this discussion with his mom yesterday. After she told my SIL and we found out, we were annoyed b/c we specifically only told our parents we're doing this and asked them not to share the information with anyone.
After my SIL called me almost 2 weeks ago, we were really taken back and I asked DH to talk to his mom (well before today's family event so she didn't end up telling all of his relatives--- which she didn't end up going to anyway).
She got kind of annoyed with him and told him she didn't understand our reasoning behind not wanting to share this with EVERYONE- because she felt it would help people to not ask us certain questions, (ie: so when are you having kids....) - and then went on to say how when they were 'going through this' they were so glad to have the support of the extended family... which they never went thru IVF 30 years ago- they moved from clomid and other meds to adoption and completed their family that way... and either way- why would her feelings from 30 years ago justify us changing our feelings now?
He told her after our first IUI failed that we felt even worse b/c all of our immediate families (except my SIL b/c we're not close at all) knew- and I felt that much worse that it had failed b/c we then had to tell everyone it failed... They went back and forth and finally he told her to please just respect our decision and that the discussion was over... and what you both just wrote was our reasoning. I'm sorry you're going through this. You're completely right, unless you've gone through IF- you can't understand it- and sometimes when you've been removed from it for a long period of time I guess that pain isn't fresh enough to put you back in your old shoes to see how others may be feeling
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| Posted 6/28/08 10:32 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
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| Posted 6/29/08 7:42 AM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
I'm so sorry!
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| Posted 6/29/08 8:05 AM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
Even though they are only trying to help...most people don't know what to say and they just want to make you feel better.
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| Posted 6/29/08 8:07 AM |
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SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
People who haven't been through it don't know the right thing to say.
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| Posted 6/29/08 8:32 AM |
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babyquestions
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/05 579 total posts
Name:
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
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| Posted 6/29/08 8:55 AM |
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LisaW
Time for me to FLY!
Member since 5/05 13199 total posts
Name:
Did I ever tell you that I hate people?
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
Posted by Gertyrae
Even though they are only trying to help...most people don't know what to say and they just want to make you feel better.
exactly
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| Posted 6/29/08 9:19 AM |
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MrsS518
Big Sister to be!
Member since 7/07 3423 total posts
Name:
Tara
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
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| Posted 6/29/08 9:27 AM |
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Donna
1 year already!!
Member since 5/05 3360 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
Posted by Gertyrae
Even though they are only trying to help...most people don't know what to say and they just want to make you feel better.
so true
also what you can do is set guidelines, my family knows "no news is bad news" and they respect that and don't discuss with me unless I bring it up
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| Posted 6/29/08 9:45 AM |
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BA2008
Need to find some hope!
Member since 2/08 2485 total posts
Name:
Beth -Ann
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
I'm so sorry.
I told too many people too. I meant to keep my mouth shut, but I guess i don't know how not to bring it up. I need to train myself to just shut up. Its so hard when this becomes every second of your life. And I'm finding that I have a hard time telling people it failed because I don't want to make them uncomfortable when I know they asked because they are excited for us and have been praying that it worked.
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| Posted 6/29/08 12:01 PM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
I used to HATE when people would say, oh just relax....
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| Posted 6/29/08 2:12 PM |
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conigs25
So in love with this kid!
Member since 5/06 11197 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
Are you seriously telling me that people have sad those things?? What the fvck is wrong w/ people???
Im so sorry your IVF didnt go well
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| Posted 6/29/08 8:45 PM |
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kmac
Two under two!
Member since 5/07 3703 total posts
Name:
Kris
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
If I hear one more story about when someone gave up on everything or started to adopt and then they magically got pregnant I will SCREAM! I feel your pain(and that's from the IUI's).
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| Posted 6/30/08 7:58 AM |
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LaurenExp
Waiting patiently for baby sis
Member since 8/06 11613 total posts
Name:
L-Diddy EDD 11/11/11 :)
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
Posted by kmac
If I hear one more story about when someone gave up on everything or started to adopt and then they magically got pregnant I will SCREAM! I feel your pain(and that's from the IUI's).
UGH. I hate those stories, too.
I'm so sorry
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| Posted 6/30/08 8:09 AM |
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rmdrn125
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/07 497 total posts
Name:
mom mom
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
I'm so sorry
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| Posted 6/30/08 10:31 AM |
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JennyPenny
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Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
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| Posted 6/30/08 10:35 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: What NOT to say. . .
Oy, I can't even imagine 
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| Posted 6/30/08 10:38 AM |
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