Would you be upset or just dissappointed? Long

I adore my SIL and her DH. Both DH and I enjoy spending time with them and we rarely see them because they live OOT. At Thanksgiving in NC, they told us they were coming up to spend Christmas with us and that they would be staying with us. We were thrilled to hear it and happy to have them.

SIL's DH's family live in NY also.

Well, it turns out they are spending Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day with her ILs. So they really aren't coming to spend Christmas with us, it's more like we are just a place for them to stay. I don't mind that they stay with us at all, and I would never say that they should spend the holiday with us since they are staying with us but I have to admit that I am more than a little dissappointed.

This happens almost everytime they come to visit though. They say they are coming to see us, but end up spending the majority of the time with their ILs. Now I understand that they need to spend time with their ILs and how hard it is to balance both families but I guess I'm just getting a little tired of it. DH is upset by it too and says that we are just a free hotel to them.


So then, I tell my SIL that the 4 of us should plan to go out one of the other nights. She suggests that we go see the Tree. DH is not up for it and I promised him no traveling this holiday. I suggested an alternative (go to a local bar, etc) and she basically said that they really want to see the tree. Which just makes it seem even more to me like they are just staying with us, but not here to actually spend time with us.

I was so excited about them coming to visit, now I almost feel like an intrusion on their plans even though they are staying in our house.

Would you be upset about this or just dissappointed? Would you say something or just let it go?

Re: Would you be upset or just dissappointed? Long

I would definitely be disappointed. I think if they are staying with you they should make an effort to spend an evening with you.

Re: Would you be upset or just dissappointed? Long

i would be a little ****** but mostly disappointed.... i totally see where your coming from... i say she needs to meet you have way and reserve at least one day to spend with you....maybe have a mock xmas dinner or something...???

Re: Would you be upset or just dissappointed? Long

I would be upset, definitely. I would also say something, although I don't know what. Is it possible that maybe she thinks that by staying with you, that IS spending time with you? Like killing two birds with one stone kind of thing? It's still not right, but maybe that's it?

Re: Would you be upset or just dissappointed? Long

Posted by prncssrachel

that maybe she thinks that by staying with you, that IS spending time with you? Like killing two birds with one stone kind of thing? It's still not right, but maybe that's it?

Re: Would you be upset or just dissappointed? Long

I would be annoyed. I lived out of state for 11 years. After my parents passed away, and I came to NY for visits, I never would have dreamed of staying at someone's home and not planning to spend at least an evening with them. Also, now when I visit friends in the city I left, I plan on spending time alone with them if I am staying with them. I usually offer to take them out to dinner to thank them for putting me up. I think they are being a bit presumptuous, but maybe because you are family, they figure it's OK. Why don't they stay with SIL's DH's family if they are spending all of the holidays with them?

You also have a new baby - they may want to see the tree, but if the point is to spend an evening with you, why don't they make it convenient for you guys? I don't have kids, but when I make plans with friends who do, I try to be flexible around what works for them. JMO.

Re: Would you be upset or just dissappointed? Long