Are you a stickler for tradition??

Especially at Christmas time?

I sometimes think I stick to traditions too much. I dont waver and if any part of the tradition gets messed up, it upsets me to no end!

Every year, since we were little, we go shopping with my dad for my mom. Even now, we are all adults, I have a child of my own. But dad still picks us up, we take moms list and off we go. We then go to lunch afterwards.

Every year we all have to go for the tree all together. Now its getting hard with so many different schedules, 2 trees and a baby. But if we dont go together, it depresses me.

Every year I sleep at my moms house on christmas eve and my brother sleeps here with my dh. We all wrap presents and celebrate christmas morning. That has to change since the baby is a year old now and she should be having christmas morning in her own home. But the change makes me sad.

So many depressing things that just have to change with the change of times. Sometimes I wish I didnt love tradition so much..maybe its more because I dont like change..whatever it is though, it makes me sad and makes me want to be a child again.

Re: Are you a stickler for tradition??

I had a VERY hard time last year changing our traditions...but I had too.

Every year I help my mom wrap gifts on christmas eve, put out candy in dishes around the house and put the presents under the tree. I wake up with the family on christmas morning and celebrate christmas day (my family doesn't do christmas eve).

Well last year I had to compromise and it was really hard...DH's parents moved to AZ and flew in for a few days. The only day we could celebrate with them was christmas day, as my SIL wasn't around on christmas eve.

I had to tell my mom i wasn't spending christmas day with my family...and it was my first christmas with my son...so it was hard. BUT it worked out...we went to my moms a day before christmas eve and had fun. It wasn't quite the same but traditions have to change eventually...you develop ones with your own family too..we've already started building our own little traditions which are so nice.

This year will be christmas day at my moms and I have to say i'm excited...the selfish part of me hates giving it up!

Re: Are you a stickler for tradition??

Not really. I didn't grow up near my family and rarely saw them for the holidays, so now I'm just so happy to be with them that how it all comes together isn't important to me.

Re: Are you a stickler for tradition??

This year brought about a lot of changes, but they have been changing over the last few years. When you start your own family, it always changes. Now I focus on starting new traditions!

....

Message edited 3/7/2013 3:04:02 PM.

Re: Are you a stickler for tradition??

Sort of. But only with DH. We are our own family now so we have started our own traditions.

Every year we have a date in NYC. We see the tree and have a romantic dinner

We also buy each other one ornament a year. That way we build up the special ones on our tree. We also buy them when we are on vacation as souveniers.

We also decorate the house every year together with holiday music playing. It's so much fun!!

Re: Are you a stickler for tradition??

Nope - every year the holidays bring something different, and it just got too hard to keep things the way they always were. There's more families to see, everyone lives somewhere different, and I don't even want to think about it when kids come!

DH and I try to have little traditions among ourselves to keep things special... but there's really no more big traditions. Well, the one thing that stayed is that my family and I always opened gifts Christmas Eve and we still do. But mainly it just works out because we have DH's parents to see Christmas day and they are divorced so there's lots of runnign around and no time to fit all three families in the same day.

Maybe if you start your own little traditions... like making the same breakfast every holiday morning, or always watching a holiday movie on christmas eve with DH.... then that may help ease some of the blues you feel from giving up other cherished traditions.

Re: Are you a stickler for tradition??

I modified our traditions when I moved out on our own. The chirstmas eve party with mom moved from her home to mine (since I like to cook and decorate more than she does), and mom and my 12/24 celebration moved to 12/23 when we moved in together, since DH's family celebrates 12/24 together... mom and I now go to MIL's house that evening.

other than the timing of the days and added in-law parties, what we do every year and how we celebrate has not changed a bit. Same food, same traditions.

Re: Are you a stickler for tradition??

I think my SIL is. Michael's brothers wife always want to be in charge of the holidays. We would not mind if the holidays were at the house but only Christmas Eve is at their house. All the other holidays they insist on going to a very fancy expensive restruant where we are responsible for paying fifty dollars or more for our dinners. So, we are going t make holiday dinners at my moms house because we can not afford going to a restruant every single holiday and whoever wants to come over to see us can come.

~dancer and chef~
charlotte and michael

Re: Are you a stickler for tradition??

This is going to be my first year, not waking up on Christmas morning at home with my parents. It makes me a little upset knowing that I won't be there in the morning. But I just think of the fun that DH and I will have together Christmas morning opening presents and having breakfast. We will be going to my parents house in the late morning, so it should be nice.

Just think of all the wonderful traditions you will be starting with your DD.

Re: Are you a stickler for tradition??

not really... not since DH and i got married and i moved 2 horus away from my parents. the first year it was hard not being at "my' house and doing the things i used to do with my parents on christmas eve and christmas morning. but we went down to my parents later christmas day so i still got to see them, and i realized that its ok to start new traditions with DH and our little "family".
this year, it had to change again because DHs parents moved 4 hours away so we're not sure when we'll get to see them. we went out there for thanksgiving, so we're going to my family for christmas but its hard to find time to drive 4 hours to see his parents to exchange gifts, etc with them.... it was nice when we had at least one set of parents living close by so it keeps changing, and i'm sure it will change again when we have kids and everyone will want to see them.... i think you just have to not look at it as changing things... look at it as starting new traditions that will carry on

Re: Are you a stickler for tradition??

we plan to start new traditions now that my dd is here....

decorate the tree together, wake up early christmas morning for gifts, breakfast

Re: Are you a stickler for tradition??

its tough when you are used to a tradition and you have to change it. but honestly, i think that is just part of growing up and creating your own family and traditions.

not to be a downer--but remember--our parents won't live forever, and eventually the "traditions" will have to change. you have to create new traditions for your family now -- cause you want your kids to remember doing things with you when they get older and want to continue them!

Re: Are you a stickler for tradition??

I understand how you feelm bu it's a great opportunity to start new traditions. We didn't get to do this year because of the snow, but every year for the past few years we've chopped down trees together, which is not something I EVER did as a child, but it's become a new tradition, and we love it.

Re: Are you a stickler for tradition??

A stickler for tradition? No, because tradition just because "it's tradition" doesn't make any sense. Tradition for the sake of tradition alone isn't good enough reason to keep doing it, IMHO.

When traditions don't make sense anymore, due to life changes, you take the REASON the tradition was so important and build new traditions around those feelings, sentiments, etc. You don't keep doing the old one that doens't make sense just b/c you've always done it that way.

I understand that's it's difficult to part from the old traditions. I'm the youngest and when my older brothers started moving out, getting married, and not spending every holiday with us, it was weird... but my parents were okay with it and we started new traditions with them and it worked out well. Then it was my turn to go to college, move out, get married, etc., and we're making our own traditions in my home and with extended family.

I'd never in a million years have traded my first easter morning or Christmas morning alone with my DH, starting our new traditions for ANYTHING. I have fantastic memories of the traditions we had as kids -- but knowing they wouldn't make sense now that I'm married, I've used them to inspire me to build new traditions. The new traditions can be just as meaningful (and less stressful) than the old ones as we get older. You don't have to cut your extended family out either -just develop new traditions that make more sense for where you are in life.

Change is inevitable, so the sooner people can adapt to that, the easier it is to get through life, I think.

I will say this (not directed at anyone in particular at all) -- Being a stickler for tradition to an extreme can be a bad thing. My MIL has caused tremendous heartache and stress by being unable to handle the fact that her children aren't 4 any longer and that they have their own families. She has it in her head how she wants the holiday to go and if it's not exactly how she pictured it, she freaks out. She didn't speak to me or DH when we visited over TG weekend b/c we weren't staying long enough for her liking. (We stayed as long as we reasonably could, but it's not like we can take off work just to make her happy an extra 3 days..) It's been so hard on me b/c, being that DH is the newest married, it all sort of seems to fall on me and make me feel like I'm the one single-handedly destroying their family traditions b/c DH and I want to wake up in our own home every Christmas morning - ALONE b/c we are a family with our own new traditions. In fact, it was so bad that, when we invited DH's family to our new home for Christams dinner, his mother said first thing - "or you could come here and I can do Christmas." Not even a "thank you" or "how nice of you to invite us." She's been a PITA ever since asking if I'll do things exactly how she does them, etc. She's making the holidays SO much worse and more stressful b/c we're not doing things the way she's always done them... but if we were to do that, then we'd have to throw all MY traditions and family out the window, too. We can't have both, so we're starting new traditions... and we're mindful of the fact that things will change annually with the holidays so long as DH and I both have extended family -- and that will be forever.

It's not fair to put pressure on other people to keep up with traditions that no longer make sense. There are some traditions you can keep or modify and that's wonderful! There are some you can move to your new family. And there's a whole, wonderful world of new traditions out there just waiting to be started.

Message edited 12/17/2007 1:37:40 PM.

Re: Are you a stickler for tradition??

Re: Are you a stickler for tradition??

I totally sympathize with you over that. The best you can do is open your house and offer to have them there for the holidays. It's their problem if they cannot accept that and won't come. They have to understand that you can't afford to spend that kind of money on a holiday dinner several times a year.

My ILs are coming for Christmas (well, the Friday after for "Christmas" LOL)... I'm hoping it goes well and MIL starts to realize that new traditions aren't so bad.

Of course... she hasn't gotten it yet and DH's older sister has been married and OOS for years. His other sister has also lived OOS for years... Here's hoping I get a Christmas miracle!