Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

A friend of a friend is in the works of getting separated/divorced. The hubby makes mad cash, they live a very, very cushy lifestyle (expensive jewelry, trips, million dollar home, etc.). Hubby is a work-aholic, likes his drink a little too much and seems emotionally detached from both his wife and his family. From what I know, there is no physical abuse or cheating going on. She's just "bored", "not happy", etc. and wants out.

This chick doesn't work, can have anything she wants at her beck and call and has a few babies to care for. She got married relatively young, and I guess maturity and knowlege crept up on her and made her wake up to the realization that you can't put a financial band aid over everything.

Now, we all know the grass is greener on the other side, and (speaking only for myself) I think she has valid points, and yet not some valid points. Do you think their issues are deal-breakers? Whatever the outcome, this girl is in for some reality check when she has to start bringing home the bacon for two little ones.

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

IMO- SHe may be taking the easy way out. My boss has been dealing w/ a similar situation and insterad of calling it quits she seeked professional help and they are working it out. I get bored at times, it's normal but I love DH and wouldn't call it quits so easily.

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

Well if she is not happy I don't blame her for wanting out it sounds like a dull marriage to me and regardless of her work status she will get half of whatever they have so she still will be comfortable but in due time work will be necessary .. I give her credit if she leaves the lavish life..

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

Sharon....I still think that there is more to the story than we heard. Remeber the GF said that there was some stuff that she won't go into.

I think that he is abusive at least in the early stages...he may not be beating her...but the signs look like they are there...based on what we know so far.

But to answer your question....if I was is this scenerio...and I did LOVE him once and the only reason I was leaving was Boredom...I would attempt to seek counsiling 1st and at least attempt to work it out. With the cussion that she has...there has to be more to that story.

Message edited 9/14/2005 12:38:06 PM.

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

Wow, it's a hard situation but I can't really judge her. Everyone has different reasons to end a marriage.
If she not happy and maybe the love is no longer there, than maybe that's what she should do.

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

I think there could be issues that she might not have confided in your friend about. My father was a workaholic, but it was only when he became emotionally abusive that my mom left a well-off lifestyle to divorce and support herself.

But even if he is "just" a workaholic with alcoholic tendencies, I do think those are valid reasons to leave. I watch "The Notebook" and I think how could anyone handle living their life knowing they settled and will never know true love? Money won't buy happiness, and being alone is not a marriage.

Message edited 9/14/2005 12:40:23 PM.

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

If i was to descibe my DH as a "Hubby is a work-aholic, likes his drink a little too much and seems emotionally detached from both his wife and his family."

YES that is a deal breaker to me

provided that some sort of therapy or counseling was done and failed

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

will she get a nice settlement? i mean, will she get alimony? maybe she won't have to work...

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

Posted by neeniebean86

Posted by nov04libride
But even if he is "just" a workaholic with alcoholic tendencies, I do think those are valid reasons to leave. I watch "The Notebook" and I think how could anyone handle living their life knowing they settled and will never know true love? Money won't buy happiness, and being alone is not a marriage.

i completely agree (and thats exactly what i thought when i saw that movie too!!! )

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

I need a partner- I wouldn't want to be in amarriage with someone who was "emotinally detatched from his wife and kids". That being said, I would definitely try to work it out- therapy is a must. But I also agree, you may not know what is really going on behind closed doors. It sounds like a potential for emotional abuse.

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

IMO-no...if she has not confronted him and they have not tried to repair the drift....it's not a deal breaker.

If they HAVE tried therapy, confrontation, intervention and NOTHING has changed...then yes, it's a possible deal breaker.

If she's so bored, then go get a hobby or a job or SOMETHING to occupy her time. His drinking is a major issue and there has to be a reason for his emotional detachment.

They need help

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

Posted by nov04libride
OMG I cry every time, and last time I asked DH if he loved me enough that he would die the same time as me...He was like

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

I can understand how she'd be bored and unhappy with a workaholic husband who is emotional detached and drinks too much. If she's smart enough to realize that she wants more and that money's not the answer, good for her. I am sure it will be tough at first but I hope in the long run she's happier.

ETA: He sounds like a man who does not love his wife. That is a deal breaker to me.

Message edited 9/15/2005 7:26:16 AM.

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

I don't think I could stay in a marriage if DH was emotionally not there for his family. Of course I would want therapy first but everyone handles things in their own way.
I applaud her for being able to walk away from comfort and financial security for what she realizes she needs and wants out of her marriage

ETA: The financial security is a hard thing to walk away from and hopefully she will be strong enough to survive and get what she's looking for

Message edited 9/15/2005 7:43:21 AM.

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

I think they have to try a little harder to make it work before calling it quits. There's no way to know how much they've tried so far so it's hard to say. But, I would say that counseling is a must and more importantly - they both have to WANT to make it work. It almost sounds like he may not care either way.

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

I was thinking about this again last night...and mentioned it to DH. I told him the whole story...at least everything we know Sharon....and he agreed that there is more there. The proof is the way she sneak around gathering information on their assests, and how she told her parents before him...she was looking to be protected...I kind of have to agree if she was leaving because she was boared then there's no reason she wouldn't have told him first before running to her parents...she was afraid of him.

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

I used to be in a similar relationship and allthough the material things were very very nice being lonley and ignored was very hard, after many talks and trying to work things out, i left ...I think she should try to talk to him and go to therapy together...if things dont change after that then take it from there

Re: Posing a question from a convo yesterday..

Well money isn't everything in a marriage IMO. Having had a dad who was a workaholic and an alcoholic I definitely think those can be deal breakers. Of course they could always try counseling first but its hard to know the whole story when its not happening to you.