"You can't spoil a newborn"

Do you agree or disagree with the statement "you can't spoil a newborn". If you agree with that statement, At what age do you think you can spoil a baby?

I had a disagreement with my friend who insisted I was spoiling my 5 week old because I wasn't letting her CIO when she's not being held. I obviously don't agree, but curious how people feel about that.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

I think I read somewhere that you can't spoil a child under 1. So, I definitely don't think you can spoil a 5 week old. At that age, if they are crying to be held, you hold them.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

I mean, I'm no expert but I tended to every little everything with my son and any need my son had from the moment he was born until, I would say, around maybe six/seven months old... maybe a little older. But any squeak or peep or whine - I was right there.

And I held him constantly, was extremely affectionate, and I guess I looked SO in love with him that people would sometimes be like "oh you're going to spoil that baby!" but mostly it was said in passing by people like my 93 year old grandmother, and in jest As for your friend, first of all, it's not your friend's place to critique what you are doing as a mother - I don't care if your child is a five week old or a fifty year old. That's not her business or place to do so.

And I feel that allowing a child to CIO too early can be detrimental to their emotional health. And this is coming from someone who absolutely did CIO - at the right age, when my ped suggested it was a good idea. Up until that point, to soothe, I used the "Happiest Baby on the Block" techniques, which worked wonderfully... and I was affectionate to no end on top of that.

Now, my son is seventeen months old and he is literally the happiest baby lol he's a very social, upbeat, loving, and happy little boy... and I spoiled the shit out of him when he was five weeks old lol so fear not

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

Especially in the first early weeks, I don't think personally that you can spoil a newborn. They need to feel the parents touch, their needs are so minimal (feed, sleep, poop/pee, repeat) - that spoiling them in my opinion is a bit difficult. I think as they get older and get more aware of things, then spoiling can start - but I don't think that's until after 4-5 months or so. My doctor said until 6 months is usually the mark.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

I don't think you can. And def not at 5 weeks. They are crying for a reason at that age. I would have done anything to get my DS to stop crying at 5 weeks.

I am a big fan of CIO but not that young

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

Out of curiosity, is your friend a parent? To answer your question, I agree with the under 1 comment.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

You will get a million different answers from a million different parents bc every baby and parent are different. We didn't CIO until about 6 mo. and that was more for naps. We would let them whine a bit from about 3/4 mo and they would settle on their own. I never had to hold them and rock them past 3.5 mo. Just in the crib with mobile or crib toy and they would go to sleep.

Having twins also helped with the not wanting to be held 24/7 b/c I couldn't. I'd switch them off btwn different toys to keep them entertained so they got used to playing on their own. They would fuss if I left the room a bit around 5 plus mo but would settle on their own and were never hysterical over it.

I don't think you can spoil before like 6 mo but I do know they become more aware and better at manipulating so CIO is better early on. Again though, my kids would settle within 10/15 min so they weren't hysterical. Idk if I'd feel the same if they were hysterical.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

NO!! You can not spoil a baby because you hold them all the time. Especially that young.

I'll say it and I could care less about any back lash - anyone that lets a 5 week old CIO because they think they shouldn't be held so much is a heartless person...I hope your friend isn't a parent.

I am not a CIO advocate but I can respect someone who does it when the child is older, NOT at such a young age.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

I don't think you should let a 5 week old CIO but yes I do believe you can spoil a child under 1

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

no way should you let a 5 week old cry! i believe you can start CIO at 6 months. that's what my pediatrician told me for my first kid.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

My MIL said the same thing: she was told to leave her baby in the crib solo unless feeding.

Personally, I think "spoilage" is very age dependent.

At 5 weeks, NO: spoiling does not exist.

After 8 weeks (9-10 weeks), I started to get my DS to get to bed at a regular time (I was going to go back to work, so we needed to schedule him). We did a modified Ferber method for bed time. It worked REALLY well at that age.

I also think it's healthy NOT to carry the baby all the time. I held mine a lot, tended to them and loved them a lot, but I also put them DOWN for naps and put them in swings, exersaucers, floor mats all from about 3 months old (so again, 12 weeks). I also let them cry in situations again from 3-4 months in age (like in cars when I was driving to let them know that in the car, I wasn't going to stop to tend to them... IMO, this is a safety thing & has worked REALLY well as I drive with them solo a lot).

And yes, speaking from experience, you can def spoil a child at less that 1. An example: I did this by swinging him to sleep for naps (we were unable to ever break this habit) & taking my 8 month old into bed with me (this is equally tough to break). It's not "spoiling", it's creating bad habits.

Here's the thing: no one knows what is right & wrong: you will do things differently with your second child if you have one (and probably your third). Go with your heart!

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

I def thought it wasodd for someone to rec. CIO so young. For DS, we did CIO at 6/ 7 months. I also agree that it's cruel to let a child so young CIO, since it's our job to take care of their needs. And that was my argument, but she insisted that my daughter will grow up knowing that all she has to do is cry to get what she wants. Ofcourse, i'm exhausted, but what mother isn't with a newborn and toddler, but it's still my job to do take care and love them. I didnt let it bother me, but I wondered if other people truly felt the same.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

Posted by IansMommy23

Posted by SandL

Posted by Poppy811

Out of curiosity, is your friend a parent? To answer your question, I agree with the under 1 comment.

Yes, she is a mother of 2.

i'm sorry but i feel horrible for her babies babies that young NEED love and attention. they only cry for a reason.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

Posted by Strawberry2468

Posted by IansMommy23

no way should you let a 5 week old cry! i believe you can start CIO at 6 months. that's what my pediatrician told me for my first kid.

My ped says 6 weeks!! I hardly ever listen to my ped though

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

I personally thnk you can, which is why I tried very hard not to ......regardless of what other people said to me - b/c MY kid, my house, my life after you leave for your little visit, MY rules. - I think CIO for a 5 week old is craziness.

Don't let anyone tell you how to raise your child if you haven't explicitly asked for their advice.

Message edited 2/18/2015 11:58:25 AM.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

This isn't even really an opinion question, it's science. A newborn isn't picking up on cause & effect yet, so it's not possible to spoil them. I think it's somewhere around 3-4 months where they start to figure that out.

But, you know, to each his/her own.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

IMO, CIO at 5 weeks is too early in my opinion. they are so new to life at that point, crying is the only thing they know how to do.

I think around 3 or 4 months, is when i started not being so "attentive" to DD when she started crying. but it also depended on the situation; once i started to recognize the type of cry, the easier it was to determine if it was something that needed attention right away. Of course i always checked to make sure she was OK, but I wasnt necessarily picking her up. I think it's more important to pay attention to them when they arent crying, so they know that they will get attention when they are "good", not just when they are crying.

now at 8 months, DD is having some separation anxiety and cries whenever i put her down (even to change her diaper!!), that i just ignore.


i honestly believe that you can only do what you think it right and only you know what is best for you and your child. Do what feels right. Mommy's instinct is usually always right.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn"

I def agree with that statement. At that age babies don't know how to self soothe and if they're crying its for a reason and they need something. They are way, way too young to know manipulation and form bad habits. I would say 8 months that starts to change.

Message edited 2/18/2015 2:49:52 PM.