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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
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WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
Just wondering, what do you guys do when you see somone who displays questionable parenting abilities or just seems really out of control with their kids? This woman was yelling at them and telling them to shut up over and over while they are crying. I don't want to go into a lot of detail here, but it was unusual, that's all I'll say.
I'm not talking about outright abuse or neglect, just someone who seems to really not know how to handle them appropriately. Or who knows, maybe she just got some horrible news and wasn't able to deal with them. I'm thinking now I should have asked the woman if she would like some help with them, but at the time, I got the impression this person would not appreciate it.
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Posted 5/15/08 3:23 PM  |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
It was nice of you to even think to offer your help! But I would just mind my business. We all have our breaking points, poor mom could have been at hers. 
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| Posted 5/15/08 3:26 PM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
Oooh that's hard. Short of hitting her children violently I don't know that I would step in unless I knew them very well (like family or BFF). Not at all to say that is the right decision...I just don't know what I would do.
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| Posted 5/15/08 3:28 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
Listen, we all have our own parenting styles. I'm sure some moms look at me and ask- what is this woman doing? But short of seeing abuse or serious neglect, I would not interfere in a teaching or judging way.
I was in a similar situation. I saw a woman with 2 children close in age who had no patience for them. She was just snapping at them. She was reading a story and the boy wanted to read something else. I felt the same way that you just described. I thought about just askign if she needed some help, but that may be too intrusive.
A few minutes later our children started playing near each other and I struck up a conversation with her. Our children ended up playing together, so they were occupied. She told me she has 3 under 3 and has been a little overwhelmed. By entertaining her daughter who was playing with my DD, she was able to focus more on her son- who was older than the girls.
By just conversing with her, I was able to offer some help without being intrusive and asking if she needed help.
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| Posted 5/15/08 3:41 PM |
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stickydust
Now a mommy of 2!!!
Member since 4/06 3164 total posts
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
I think I would probably mind my own business unless I saw obvious signs of abuse or neglect. Everyone can have a bad day and children have a way of taking you to your breaking point sometimes. I am sure we will all have a time when for one reason or another we could be percieved to be not the "best" parents.
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| Posted 5/15/08 3:54 PM |
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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
I agree--I'm sure I have times when I do or say things people think are weird too. But this was a little beyond--I just thought she was at the end of her rope, don't know if it was a moment, or an ongoing thing. It was similar to a situation a previous poster described, two kids very close in age, one was upset because he couldn't have ice cream, then the other started to cry, then ice cream was given anyway, lots of snapping, I could go on and on.
It's hard to describe, it just seemed a little beyond the usual frazzled Mom/crying children.
But I guess it was best to MMOB. It wouldn't have been convenient to say something casually without going out of my way.
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| Posted 5/15/08 4:01 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
I can think of times with my DD where I would cringe if someone saw what I did or said. All of us have our moments- it doesn't mean that it's that way all the time.
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| Posted 5/15/08 4:11 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
sooo hard!
yesterday I saw a car next to me at the post office leaving and a boy in the back seat no more then maybe 3...no seat belt on, no car seat, hanging out the side window which was all the way down. I didnt know what to say or how to say , um thats not safe.
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| Posted 5/15/08 4:14 PM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
I would mind my own business. I've seen and been with people who would do something I wouldn't necessarily do, but hey...it's their life, their kids.
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| Posted 5/15/08 5:16 PM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
Posted by CkGm
I can think of times with my DD where I would cringe if someone saw what I did or said. All of us have our moments- it doesn't mean that it's that way all the time.
Same here!!!
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| Posted 5/15/08 5:17 PM |
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
I would not say a thing unless I there abuse happening.
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| Posted 5/15/08 5:37 PM |
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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
Okay, so it sounds like I did the best thing. It just sat badly with me, this wasn't abuse, but it was worse than the typical bad-Mom day everyone has.
Thanks for the opinions.
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| Posted 5/15/08 5:50 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
Posted by bicosi
It was nice of you to even think to offer your help! But I would just mind my business. We all have our breaking points, poor mom could have been at hers.
ITA!
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| Posted 5/15/08 5:51 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
If it is not abusive...
then i would mind my own business.
I dont' know why people think it is their obligation to interfere with other people and judge them so much
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| Posted 5/15/08 5:53 PM |
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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
Posted by jules
If it is not abusive...
then i would mind my own business.
I dont' know why people think it is their obligation to interfere with other people and judge them so much
Actually, I don't feel it's my obligation. This was a little different, hard to explain.
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| Posted 5/15/08 5:57 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
Posted by cjik
Posted by jules
If it is not abusive...
then i would mind my own business.
I dont' know why people think it is their obligation to interfere with other people and judge them so much
Actually, I don't feel it's my obligation. This was a little different, hard to explain.
i wasn't talking about you specifically but generally.
I hear sooo many moms be soo critical of each other. Now i understand if it is abusive. If you see that then by all means i would step in and say something.
But if it isn't and it is just something "you wouldn't be doing or like seeing" well then i just think we all should just let othes raise their kids. Nobody is perfect and we all have bad days.
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| Posted 5/15/08 6:02 PM |
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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
Posted by jules
Posted by cjik
Posted by jules
If it is not abusive...
then i would mind my own business.
I dont' know why people think it is their obligation to interfere with other people and judge them so much
Actually, I don't feel it's my obligation. This was a little different, hard to explain.
I hear sooo many moms be soo critical of each other. Now i understand if it is abusive. If you see that then by all means i would step in and say something.
No I agree. I stopped at the park with DS the other day to give him a bottle. Someone asked me why I didn't BF, it's so much better. I just told her it's better for DH not to be BF and didn't get into why. But it annoyed me to be judged. Then a little while later I heard some other moms talking about another mom. They couldn't believe she had her child in a playsuit/PJ outfit again. I don't know how old he was, but it seemed very catty.
This is a very hard job, and people do the best they can, sometimes we fall short. Happens to all of us.
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| Posted 5/15/08 6:07 PM |
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clwp
Love my girls!
Member since 10/06 2114 total posts
Name:
mommy
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
As long as it's not abusive I too would let it go. I'll never forget being at a pizzaria on my lunch break by myself when I was 8 weeks pregnant and a woman was there with her 2 young, very rambunctious kids. I was watching and not judging her, just wondering what kind of parent I'll be... she saw me watching and said to me "Don't have kids". I told her I was 8 weeks pregnant and she said "good luck, I hope it works out better for you than it did for me". She clearly was having a bad day. It's hard raising kids and sometimes they can really test your patience. You don't see men judging eachother's fathering but I think it's much more common among women. It's nice to offer help - but I agree that striking up a conversation would be better and less likely for her to feel like she's not a good mom. That's not a good feeling.
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| Posted 5/15/08 6:09 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
Posted by cjik
No I agree. I stopped at the park with DS the other day to give him a bottle. Someone asked me why I didn't BF, it's so much better. I just told her it's better for DH not to be BF and didn't get into why. But it annoyed me to be judged. Then a little while later I heard some other moms talking about another mom. They couldn't believe she had her child in a playsuit/PJ outfit again. I don't know how old he was, but it seemed very catty.
This is a very hard job, and people do the best they can, sometimes we fall short. Happens to all of us.
Totally agree...
I just hate people who judge sooo quickly. Not talking about your OP. I wasn't there so i don't know how i wold react. But i am sooo tired of the judgemental moms. Just like you said above. I too got the look when i said i wasn't BF !!! And the speech about how much "better" it is for my child. 
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| Posted 5/15/08 6:11 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: WWYD--Questionable Parental Behavior?
Actually just last weekend i heard a dad at the Ped yelling at his daughter.
I wanted to cover my ears. But when he walked out of the room i saw he was by himself with a newborn and a maniac daughter...and i kinda felt bad judging him and thought how hard it must be at the moment. 
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| Posted 5/15/08 6:13 PM |
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