Would you feel guilty?

DH's parents invited us to to to FL with them the first week of Feb. They are flying there from LI to visit his grandparents. We see DH's parents all the time, so it's not like we don't spend time with them. It would have been a big expense since we'd be paying for hotel, meals, etc., so we said no.

We were just offered a free time share the following week, with a kitchen, so all we are paying for is airfare. I really want to go...DH feels guilty going since we just told his parents we can't go the week before. And the second week is with my mom and her friend (we'll have our own separate townhouse though).

It's really just the money issue--the second scenario is at least $500 cheaper, and a very cheap vacation. Would the guilt stop you from going away? DH feels that we shouldn't go week 2 because he'd feel too guilty.

Message edited 1/8/2008 10:53:16 AM.

Re: Would you feel guilty?

Doesnt sound like they invited you at all IMO. I wouldnt feel guilty. If they had asked you to stay with them and you refused and then went on a vacation with your family then I could understand DH feeling guilty about it.

Re: Would you feel guilty?

Do they live in FL? or are they just going to FL?

If they live there, couldn't you just visit with them when you are there the following week?

if they are just going to FL, I agree 100% with what the PP said.

Re: Would you feel guilty?

Re: Would you feel guilty?

I would feel very guilty, if they asked you and you turned it down, and in a sense something better came along (ie the cheaper holiday) If I were his parents I would be probably hurt and upset that you would choose any holiday (cheaper or not) over the one that they invited you on.

IMO it would be wrong to go on holiday at all if you declined their invitation. Thats my opinion, I am in a similar situation now.

I guess in my opinion if you declined their offer on money grounds, its wrong of you to go on another holiday and spend the money at all.

Message edited 1/8/2008 10:51:38 AM.

Re: Would you feel guilty?

Stupid question maybe but i don't know the background....will DH's parents be in FL the second week? Do they live there or were they just vacationing? Wasn't sure..

I don't think I'd feel guilty..you have a chance at getting away and its considerably cheaper than the first offer...I'd go!

If they are still going to be in FL that second week, meet up with them then if you are able

Re: Would you feel guilty?

Posted by bicosi

Do they live in FL? or are they just going to FL?

If they live there, couldn't you just visit with them when you are there the following week?

if they are just going to FL, I agree 100% with what the PP said.

Re: Would you feel guilty?

Message edited 1/8/2008 10:53:49 AM.

Re: Would you feel guilty?

nope--i would not feel guilty at all. why? because you were asked to just "tag along" on a visit---you couldn't afford said visit.....and now a situation has risen where you can afford it. case closed.

don't feel guilty---they were only saying "come along with us" and you had to pay for everything---they should understand that this is about money...and thats it.

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Honestly, I wouldn't go. I think it would look really weird that one week with his parents you can't go, and then next week with your mom - it's okay and you go. I don't think they will be looking at it from a $$ perspective, and they will be very hurt.

Re: Would you feel guilty?

Posted by nov04libride

Posted by bicosi

Do they live in FL? or are they just going to FL?

If they live there, couldn't you just visit with them when you are there the following week?

if they are just going to FL, I agree 100% with what the PP said.

Sorry, I should have clarified! They are on LI, going on vacation to FL to visit DH's grandparents, but they are staying in a hotel. So if we went that week, we'd be paying for hotel, meals out, etc. The following week we have a free hotel and can cook our own meals in the free townhouse.

Re: Would you feel guilty?

I would feel a little guilty, but I'd still go the second week and still visit DH's grandparents.

We've been invited to FLa t various times..like for example awedding in 2 weeks, but we can't afford it now..which I'm sure is going to make the bride upset since we just got back from FL, and we will probably go again soon to see FH's grandpa, but she didn't give us a lot of notice about the wedding and our vacation plans were already set.

Re: Would you feel guilty?

I would feel guilty turning down a trip with them for only monetary reasons and then going away the very next week.

I know that if I did that to my mother she would be really bent out of shape.

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I would tell your inlaws how it happened - im sure they would understand and not be hurt by it, especially if they know you are trying to save $$

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Of course I would feel guilty but that is just me. I think if you plan on going discuss it with his parents and tell them about this amazing vacation offer that came up. I would suspect that so long as it is explained then they might be relatively okay with it. I wouldn't just go and not say anything to them. Second option. I could go in the guilty parties place. If it means taking one for the team then I am willing to help out.

Re: Would you feel guilty?

nice of them to invite you but here's my take.

yes, they may feel slighted. You can tell them that you will visit grandma while you are down there.

How often do you see your mom?

Re: Would you feel guilty?

also a vacation with my inlaws doesn't sound like a vacation it sounds like an obligation.

Re: Would you feel guilty?

Posted by nov04libride

Posted by JenniferEver

I would feel a little guilty, but I'd still go the second week and still visit DH's grandparents.

We've been invited to FLa t various times..like for example awedding in 2 weeks, but we can't afford it now..which I'm sure is going to make the bride upset since we just got back from FL, and we will probably go again soon to see FH's grandpa, but she didn't give us a lot of notice about the wedding and our vacation plans were already set.

That's what I was thinking...I'd feel a little guilty, but a tan might help with that guilt!

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Re: Would you feel guilty?

TECHNICALLY doens't mean a damn thing when it comes to dealing w/ family - I'd feel gulity too -

If you decided to go away with friends or alone that would be one thing - and completely different, but although it's going to be considerably cheaper for you, you're agreeing to a FL vacation w/ YOUR family as opposed to HIS - and only the week after ..........it's not going to fly -

His parents will (and rightfully so) feel snubbed -

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how about telling them it's the money and being honest with them. Maybe they will offer to pay? or better yet, just understand and let you loose.

Re: Would you feel guilty?

I would feel bad, but that's just me. I mean, you could explain to them it's a money issue...I've vacationed with my ILs and had a great time....knowing me, yes...I'd feel funny about it and so would my DH.