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Angel321
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Member since 4/08 15553 total posts
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Whelp, I'm Doing It - I'm TAKING A STAND
This is an email composed to my best friend: (to give some background, when I told her about all the tests the RE was sending me for, her response included about 3 out of the ten responses)...
ETA: (for some of you who remember my original thread, i did change the word 'annoying' to 'upsetting' as I didn't want to hurt her feelings and I changed the fact that the doc GAVE it to me, instead of it just being in the office).
Hey -
I hope you don't take offense to this - but there was a hand-out that the doctors' give to everyone who comes into their office and I wanted to share the information with you. The entire paper goes on to talk about seeking therapy if you feel you need it, etc.. I know you mean well when you say a lot of these things, but they do actually hurt me on some level...
The Top Ten Most Upsetting Things People Say To You When You Are Trying To Get Pregnant:
1. Just Relax!
2. Stop trying to hard
3. Do you have children?
4. Take a vacation
5. Have a glass of wine
6. Don't think about it so much.
7. Oh too bad, because you'd make a great parent..
8. Why don't you just adopt?
9. You should do what my mother's cousins' friend's daughter did, who got pregnant
10. I know exactly how you feel (from the person with a child).
Well-meaning advice often does not have the result the giver intended it to have. These throwaway lines can pack a heck of a wallop and leave you feeling alternately angry, defeated, frustrated, bemused or just plain cranky. And it's not just the advice, it's the frequency in which you receive it.
The bottom line problem with these often heard bits of advice is that they have the same theme of BLAME and the advice giver doesn't even realize it. The themes of needing to relax, or choosing adoption, or having a glass of wine share the basic assumption that it is YOUR fault because you aren't relaxed enough. The blame game can be internalized and be very damaging. Although there is a mind-body connection associated with relaxation, research does not support the belief that if you 'just relaxed, you'd be pregnant'. Stress and it's impact on the body share a very complicated relationship and 'just relaxing' may simplify this relationship.
Message edited 9/26/2008 10:09:58 AM.
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Posted 9/26/08 10:08 AM  |
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ready2ttc
LIF Toddler
Member since 8/08 383 total posts
Name:
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Re: Whelp, I'm Doing It - I'm TAKING A STAND
 It's so hurtful when people cannot understand what you are going through and say these things. I hope she understands that sometimes you need to vent and don't need her 2 cents!
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| Posted 9/26/08 10:10 AM |
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Angel321
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Member since 4/08 15553 total posts
Name:
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Re: Whelp, I'm Doing It - I'm TAKING A STAND
Posted by ready2ttc
It's so hurtful when people cannot understand what you are going through and say these things. I hope she understands that sometimes you need to vent and don't need her 2 cents!
that's just it - i NEVER share with her because those answers are all i get back. Seriously - i've heard the 'relax' thing from her and the 'mothers' cousins' friends' daughter' thing from her a MINIMUM of 35 times.
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| Posted 9/26/08 10:11 AM |
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LiveAgain
Listen close....
Member since 8/07 3545 total posts
Name:
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Re: Whelp, I'm Doing It - I'm TAKING A STAND
Good for you! Maybe now she'll get the hint that she might think she's trying to help but really being hurtfull! 
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| Posted 9/26/08 10:18 AM |
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maybeamommy
Blessed beyond belief
Member since 10/07 17048 total posts
Name:
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Re: Whelp, I'm Doing It - I'm TAKING A STAND
Good for you! I'm really proud that you are taking the initiative and saying how you feel. I know it's hard and makes us feel vulnerable when we put our feelings out there, but at least we know that whatever the response... we did what we could!
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| Posted 9/26/08 10:53 AM |
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kellybean
LIF Infant
Member since 9/07 85 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Whelp, I'm Doing It - I'm TAKING A STAND
Had to You here too!!!!!
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| Posted 9/26/08 11:58 AM |
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momma2b
Princess is here!
Member since 8/08 1386 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Whelp, I'm Doing It - I'm TAKING A STAND
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| Posted 9/26/08 12:34 PM |
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DanandNette
Love my baby boy!
Member since 9/08 2830 total posts
Name:
Jennette
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Re: Whelp, I'm Doing It - I'm TAKING A STAND
Good for you!
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| Posted 9/26/08 12:35 PM |
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carlowlou
loving my babies!
Member since 4/08 4594 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Whelp, I'm Doing It - I'm TAKING A STAND
that's a really great email..its very non-threatening but also putting out there exactly how you feel but with the drs' spin. hopefully your bff will take it for face value and see that you are reaching out to her to be able to share your experience in a better way for both of you.
I would not be offended at all to receive this email,,i would just be happy my BFF trusted me enough to share her feelings...
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| Posted 9/26/08 12:36 PM |
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MrsPowers
So blessed!
Member since 11/06 10348 total posts
Name:
Ivelysse
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Re: Whelp, I'm Doing It - I'm TAKING A STAND
Jess that is great that you are saying how you feel! You go!
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| Posted 9/26/08 5:24 PM |
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maybeamommy
Blessed beyond belief
Member since 10/07 17048 total posts
Name:
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Re: Whelp, I'm Doing It - I'm TAKING A STAND
Did she write back Jess?
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| Posted 9/26/08 5:25 PM |
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Angel321
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Member since 4/08 15553 total posts
Name:
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Re: Whelp, I'm Doing It - I'm TAKING A STAND
Posted by maybeamommy
Did she write back Jess?
nope
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| Posted 9/26/08 5:26 PM |
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Angel321
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Member since 4/08 15553 total posts
Name:
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Re: Whelp, I'm Doing It - I'm TAKING A STAND
just to update - she has not yet replied, but i saw her and all of her family on Sunday and her dad kept looking at me, like he wanted me to be pregnant and announce it...(he loves me almost as much as my dad loves me).... He finally said something at lunch and she told him, 'all things in their time'.
I think she read it and 'got it' finally...which is something.
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| Posted 9/29/08 11:17 AM |
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MetsGirl07
LIF O2 Vendor
Member since 12/07 16202 total posts
Name:
Deanna
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Re: Whelp, I'm Doing It - I'm TAKING A STAND
i just saw this now Jess...
very well said... i agree with with you completely!!
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| Posted 9/29/08 11:30 AM |
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