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BabyBlues
LIF Zygote
Member since 7/05 4 total posts
Name:
K
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WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????update
What would you do if your DH told you before marriage they wanted to have children, then after being married, changed their tune and said they didn't want to have children, ever??? This happened to a friend of mine a while back, and at that time DH made comments about what a jerk that guy was for doing that, and now all of a sudden he is playing that game. What would you do?? 
Message edited 7/25/2005 12:55:53 PM.
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Posted 7/21/05 3:15 PM  |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
DIVORCE
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:17 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
I would ignore his comments for a year then bring it back up. If it is still a problem I would want us to go to counseling.
As much as I can't wait to have kids, I think I would listen to DH's reasons, try and work through them, and if still nothing changes...except it. I love my DH and vowed on forever, I feel very sad for you and hope your DH is just going thru a phase.
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:18 PM |
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Cheryl
Horray for 3 boys!!
Member since 5/05 2354 total posts
Name:
Mikey, Greg & TJ's Mommy
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Wow. That's a bomb.
I would sit down with him immediately. You guys need to talk about this and find out what the change of heart is stemming from. Is it money? is he just plain scared of providing?
Find out what the reason is and work together to come to a resolution- ex: savings plan...
Hugs to you!!
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:19 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by Redhead
DIVORCE
that's a little strong to say right out of the chute, isn't it?
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:19 PM |
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Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by Janice
I would ignore his comments for a year then bring it back up. If it is still a problem I would want us to go to counseling.
As much as I can't wait to have kids, I think I would listen to DH's reasons, try and work through them, and if still nothing changes...except it. I love my DH and vowed on forever, I feel very sad for you and hope your DH is just going thru a phase.
I agree, maybe he is just going through a phase of some sort. good luck.
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:22 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
Posted by Redhead
DIVORCE
that's a little strong to say right out of the chute, isn't it?
NO...
IMO it is important to talk about these issues BEFORE marriage. So you can decide if this is the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with.
IMO we are not talking about whether you are living in NJ or FLorida....
IMO children and having them one of the MOST important things you sohuld discuss and if someone told me that they wanted to have children and then after marriage said NO.
That would be a lie to me. And a misrepresentation of who i was marrying.
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:23 PM |
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Kate
*****
Member since 5/05 7557 total posts
Name:
Kate
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Annulment.
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:25 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by Redhead
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
Posted by Redhead
DIVORCE
that's a little strong to say right out of the chute, isn't it?
NO...
IMO it is important to talk about these issues BEFORE marriage. So you can decide if this is the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with.
IMO we are not talking about whether you are living in NJ or FLorida....
IMO children and having them one of the MOST important things you sohuld discuss and if someone told me that they wanted to have children and then after marriage said NO.
That would be a lie to me. And a misrepresentation of who i was marrying.
true, my point is, they should talk first before immediately shutting down -- maybe seek counselling
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:25 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
well yes......i guess i assumed it was talked about in length.
But if it came down to that my DH did not want to ever have children that most definitely would be a marriage breaker!
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:28 PM |
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unknown1
****
Member since 5/05 2771 total posts
Name:
lisa
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by Redhead
DIVORCE
I soooooooooo agree ......
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:28 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by Redhead
well yes......i guess i assumed it was talked about in length.
But if it came down to that my DH did not want to ever have children that most definitely would be a marriage breaker!
no argument there
it was just that your original post made it sound like if DH came home and announced it, you would call the lawyer in the next breath, without extensive communication to get to the root of the issue.
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:29 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
side note....
If your DH was unable to give you a child and did not want to adopt would you still leave?
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:32 PM |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by Janice
side note....
If your DH was unable to give you a child and did not want to adopt would you still leave?
good question.
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:33 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
Posted by Redhead
well yes......i guess i assumed it was talked about in length.
But if it came down to that my DH did not want to ever have children that most definitely would be a marriage breaker!
no argument there
it was just that your original post made it sound like if DH came home and announced it, you would call the lawyer in the next breath, without extensive communication to get to the root of the issue.
Well yes i would have a serious talk about it. But i am not going to try to "convince" my DH to have children either. I would always feel it would come back to haunt the marriage. That when you did have a child, he might not be around or participate and then later say "well i told you i didnt' want to have kids" excuse. That would make life hell for ME and now a KID!.
Serious problems would arise. So although we would have a talk. It wouldn't be about me convincing him. HE would have then convince ME that he is going to want kids and do the right thing...
either way i would have serious issues!
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:34 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by Janice
side note....
If your DH was unable to give you a child and did not want to adopt would you still leave?
We do not ever want to adopt so this wouldn't be an issue.
I am more understanding if my DH couldn't have kids as opposed to him not WANTING to have kids!
And of course i wouldn't leave!
Message edited 7/21/2005 3:37:36 PM.
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:35 PM |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Forgot to add: Thats such a hard situation, I have right answer, but plenty of and that it works out.
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:35 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by baghag
Posted by Janice
side note....
If your DH was unable to give you a child and did not want to adopt would you still leave?
good question.
i really see that as an irrelevant question to this topic.
you can't compare the situations at all!
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:36 PM |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by Redhead
Posted by Janice
side note....
If your DH was unable to give you a child and did not want to adopt would you still leave?
We both do not believe in adoption so this wouldn't be an issue.
I am more understanding if my DH couldn't have kids as opposed to him not WANTING to have kids!
And of course i wouldn't leave!
even though the end result- not having kids, is still the same?
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:36 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by baghag
Posted by Redhead
Posted by Janice
side note....
If your DH was unable to give you a child and did not want to adopt would you still leave?
We both do not believe in adoption so this wouldn't be an issue.
I am more understanding if my DH couldn't have kids as opposed to him not WANTING to have kids!
And of course i wouldn't leave!
even though the end result- not having kids, is still the same?
YES..
one is a choice of not having a child... which imo is completely different!
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:38 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by Redhead
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
Posted by Redhead
well yes......i guess i assumed it was talked about in length.
But if it came down to that my DH did not want to ever have children that most definitely would be a marriage breaker!
no argument there
it was just that your original post made it sound like if DH came home and announced it, you would call the lawyer in the next breath, without extensive communication to get to the root of the issue.
Well yes i would have a serious talk about it. But i am not going to try to "convince" my DH to have children either. I would always feel it would come back to haunt the marriage. That when you did have a child, he might not be around or participate and then later say "well i told you i didnt' want to have kids" excuse. That would make life hell for ME and now a KID!.
Serious problems would arise. So although we would have a talk. It wouldn't be about me convincing him. HE would have then convince ME that he is going to want kids and do the right thing...
either way i would have serious issues!
100% agreed
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:38 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
ETA my previous post said i do not believe in adoption...that was wrong. We just both have decided that this is something we will not do if one of us is the reason i am not able to get PG
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:39 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by Redhead
Posted by baghag
Posted by Janice
side note....
If your DH was unable to give you a child and did not want to adopt would you still leave?
good question.
i really see that as an irrelevant question to this topic.
you can't compare the situations at all!
same end result-a childless marriage. I am sure either way, physically he can't or mentally does not think he is up to the challenge is still going to be hell for him.
I honestly am shocked that people would leave SO's over this. You are married, things change, people change, I would pray that no one is ever in the situation, but I would rather be childless than life without DH
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:39 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by Janice
same end result-a childless marriage. I am sure either way, physically he can't or mentally does not think he is up to the challenge is still going to be hell for him.
I honestly am shocked that people would leave SO's over this. You are married, things change, people change, I would pray that no one is ever in the situation, but I would rather be childless than life without DH
same result...DIFFERNT MEANS!
ESPECIALLY if the person TOLD ME PRE-marriage that he wanted kids!
Like i said that is a BIG topic to discuss before getting married.
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:40 PM |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Re: WHAT WOULD YOU DO????????
Posted by Janice
I would pray that no one is ever in the situation, but I would rather be childless than life without DH
me too
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| Posted 7/21/05 3:41 PM |
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