What would you do?

OK, some of you may remember a few weeks ago, where I posted about my female co-worker who is getting married in a couple of weeks, who gave me a hard time because Boosh didn't go to her shower - which contributed to the overall lack of attendance.

We're on good terms again and she basically said she wasn't so upset at us, she was upset about the situation overall, and I was the most direct person she could take it out on.

Now, her FH's bachelor party is Saturday night and I have been invited. At the time of the blowup, I told her I'd stop by, but that I wouldn't be staying long because I have an early morning the next day - which is true. I figured after what had just happened, I didn't want a repeat.

Similar to the shower - I know absolutely no one, and don't understand why I was invited. I met the groom twice.

I really REALLY don't want to go. Yes, you read that right. Don is turning down a bachelor party.

So the question is, do I back out? I could always come up with an excuse, and just say plan I had for Sunday was switched to Saturday, or something like that.

My gut tells me I should suck it up and go, but I really don't want to. So, I guess I'm looking for compelling arguments that justify me not going. Maybe there are none, I just wanted to check

A few arguments for me not going

- I know no one
- I'm not involved in the bridal party, so I'm not responsible for payment. Of course, I'd buy him a drink and a lap dance, but the core responsibility is not mine.
- The party is in the city, and I'd have to trek from Queens on a Saturday night to go somewhere for 2-3 hours
- I've been running non stop every weekend in August and it would be nice to have one Saturday night where I could just relax.
-Unlike the shower, he has alot of friends going, so it's not like I'll be missed.

A few arguments for me going

- This would be the 3rd event we've bailed on for these two. We're not going to the wedding, Boosh skipped the shower and this would be #3.

- I run the risk of her being mad again. And she doesnt hold back and we'd have a confrontation. And when I get p*ssed, I don't mix words either. Which is not good if you work with someone

- It's only 2-3 hours in a bar which has awesome wings.

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If it were me, I wouldn't go. I'm not much for receiving lap dances.

But seriously, I wouldn't care what this chick thinks. Just tell her you are unable to make it. If she can't deal, oh well.

Unless you TOTALLY feel guilty, then go for an hour, have a drink and bid your fond farewells. That way you save face but don't spend too much time hanging where you don't want to hang.

But...it may turn out you'll enjoy yourself. What man can resist lap dances and hot wings?

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Me, personally, I wouldn't go. I hate being forced to go to things I don't want to go to.

However, if you think it will make things at work easier, you can go for a little while, kind of hang out on the fringes of the party, eat some wings, enjoy the sights, and head home early. He'll be too drunk to know how long you stayed. He'll be sober enough in the beginning to remember that you stopped by (maybe), and that's all that really matters.

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I wouldnt go. Life is too short to be all about "have to's" instead of "want to's". Do you really think her FH will miss you if you arent there, considering you only met him twice?

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I think she got you invited out of obligation. You guys were invited to everything else.

I am an all or nothing type.

I wouldn't go. Give your regrets..say bad timing and wish him a good time.

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I say if you really don't want to go, don't go. Plain and simple.

If the bride says something to you, be honest as you were with the shower and she'll just have to get over it.

I would understand you being invited if you and your wife got together with this couple socially outside of work or for that matter if you were even attending to the wedding but you're not. So I see no obligation on your part. Don't get me wrong, I think it was a nice gesture to invite you to the bachelor party and your wife to the shower but I just don't think you're obligated to attend.

It almost seems like this chick is trying to force an "out of work" friendship.

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also, just want to add that the bar is the starting point - the part with the girls is later on at another location TBD - so I wouldn't be going to that

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problem is - i already said yes - so if I'm gonna get out of it, I'm going to have to lie

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I wouldn't go. I agree with the other posters that life is too short and if you really don't want to go, you shouldn't feel forced into going. The bride is going to have to be an adult, deal with it and move on.

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I think you feel a stomach virus coming on.

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At first I thought you should go but then thought better of it. I would skip it.

If the only reason you're going is so she's won't be mad at you, it's not enough.

She should be grown up enough to realize the extent of your relationship. If not, then she sounds to high-maintenance to be any more than a co-worker.

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I think you should go to at least the 1st stop...the bar. I only say this because you already said you would "stop by". Go, have a drink or two, stay for an hour or so and go. You don't have to stay for long; just make an appearance.

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Sounds like you don't want to go, so I wouldn't go.

I hope she is a big girl about it.

Could you call the day of, and pleasantly beg out?

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I wouldn't go. I'm sure he won't miss you and he won't make a big deal out of it. Do tell the host that you won't make it asap though.

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I wouldn't go. Maybe you could call the place where they are going an buy the guy a drink via your credit card?

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Don't go. Just back out gracefully. Something came up- plans change. She's probably counting on YOU to keep an eye on him. She'll be looking for details on Monday morning if you go..

Don't feel bad either. You don't know the guy that well- you'd get stuck paying for his lap dances

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Well do you want to stay friends with this person? I would just suck it up and go, I know you don't know anyone but your wife said no to her shower and now you tell her yes but back out last minute, shes going to think you don't want anything to do with her and then you will have to hear MORE drama from her again......

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I wouldn't go - WAY too many other obligations you really 'can't' get out of with family/close friends to have to deal with giving up a Satruday night for a stranger. -

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Generally, I think you should try to keep your word about attending events.

But I feel like in this situation, going would pave the way for her to expect more out of you and Boosh in the future. For that reason, I wouldn't go.