What happened with my daughter?

90% of the time, when my wife is home, my daughter does not let anyone do anything for her.
Brushing her teeth, washing her hands, changing her diaper, etc...its all - "I want mommy to do it".
If mom is not home, then its "daddy" (instead of grandmother) and so on...reading some of the posts here, this is a common occurrence.

So my daughter turned 3 in May.
She started pre school in June.

I went there for a Father's Day celebration in June.
They did a class performance of singing and dancing.
She was the best one there (objectively speaking), she knew all the words and followed along with the teacher for the dancing. (a lot of the kids would follow along then stop and get distracted and so on. 2 kids didnt want to perform and kept trying to leave the front of the class)

The teachers have mentioned that she picks things up quickly and gets it on the first try.

Now mom and me went there for a Thanksgiving celebration and there was another performance, except this time she was the worst.

As soon as we got there, she kept wanting to go stand with mom (instead of staying in front of the class). And she didn't even talk to mom, she just leaned against her and didn't make eye contact and stared off in the distance like she was shy.

During the performance she did not sing or dance at all. She just stood there staring at the floor or off into space like she was lost. She wouldn't perform or listen to the teachers or me or mom.

The teachers told me later that she did great in practice in class, she knew the words and the dance steps.

What do you think the issue was?

My wife says its because she a bit older (compared to June) and is more aware now so she got stage fright with so many people around.
In May we went to a wedding and for the first 2 hours she huddled in her stroller she wouldnt open her eyes (we think there were too many people and a strange environment for her). But after a few hours she acted normal and was running around.

My dad says its because of mom. When mom is around DD acts "helpless" so mom will baby her more.

Thanks

Message edited 12/1/2017 4:57:12 PM.

Re: What happened with my daughter?

I think it's a combination of both.
And also she might just have been having an off day.
3 is a hard age

Re: What happened with my daughter?

3 is a hard age.

Your dad should MHOB and put a sock in it. I hope you did not share your father's feelings with your wife.

At two my son was happy to perform and do everything just like you said. At three and four he was not. By 5 he loved to be on stage and speak in public. Kids are growing up both physically and emotionally where they notice their surroundings and stage fright is really common.

What happened with my daughter?

What are you thinking it is...? I ask that as a professional, is it you are concerned about social anxiety or some other behavioral concern?
At 3 it is common to have some social anxiety

Re: What happened with my daughter?

Re: What happened with my daughter?

What happened with my daughter?

I wouldn’t even give it a second thought. She’s only 3, she probably has a little stage fright. I remember at DS’s Christmas play when he was 3, the teacher stressed to us that we shouldn’t expect them to all be singing. The fact that they’re up there in front of a crowd is huge for them.

What happened with my daughter?

When my daughter turned 3 she had her class birthday party. The teacher took a ton of pictures and she was having the best time ever. Another little girl was celebrating her bday on the same day and her mom came to the class party. That little girl clung to her mom the entire time, acted shy etc.. I know if I had been there my daughter would have done the same thing hence why I asked for pictures but didnt go to the classroom. I think it is a big part of the age.

What happened with my daughter?

I think she is just being 3. My DS (3.5) used to ham it up for the camera all the time. Now all of a sudden, he yells, Mommy, no pictures!

What happened with my daughter?

My DS is 6 and I don't go to anything at his school for exactly this reason. He will stick to me like glue. I don't want to interfere with his day, so I just skip everything. Sucks but it is what it is. My husband and babysitter can both go to things with no change in his behavior.

Re: What happened with my daughter?

I wouldn't look into too much.

My LOs act completely different with me compared to everyone else. My ILs that live out of state (and only visit a few times a year) even noticed it. They are so good and as soon as I walk in the door their dispositions completely change. Why?! I have no idea, but I would like to think it's a common mom thing.

Re: What happened with my daughter?

Re: What happened with my daughter?

Re: What happened with my daughter?

It's called being a toddler. Totally normal.

Re: What happened with my daughter?

I wouldn't think anything of it, at any given preschool performance my DD and DS were ever in, about 70% of the kids were just standing there and not "performing". Its completely normal.

Message edited 12/16/2017 12:32:46 AM.

What happened with my daughter?

I teach first grade and I can't tell you how great the kids do when we practice for our show but when they see mom/dad in the audience, they get weird!

For her age, totally normal. As long as she plays with kids and interacts, then don't worry. Around 2 1/2 / 3, they become more conscious of the world around them. More aware. They also become more attached. The combination makes for some awkward scenarios.

If her teachers are saying she is fine, then she is fine. If she is playing with others and learning, go with it.

Your concern is smart though. Keep your eye on it but also understand that that age is really hard!

Re: What happened with my daughter?

Thanks everyone!