what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

lets say someone has a boy and wants a girl but finds out they are having another boy. Do you console them when they are crying about it saying they are devasatted bc this is it for them as far as having children and they didnt get their little girl. or do you say shuit the hell up and be gratefuil for what you have?
I didnt care if my 2nd was girl or boy. I think dh secretly( or not so secretly) hoped it was boy but i would have loved to have two girls 19 months apart.

Message edited 8/8/2008 2:55:56 PM.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

Me personally? I would GENTLY remind that person that so many people can't have children, can't even get pregnant or can't keep pregnancies. Let said person read the pregnancy & IF board a few times to smack some reality into her.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

I will admit when I woke up from anesthesia and they told me I had a girl I was pretty upset. I always wanted two boys. Then I only saw DD through the nursery window and I was like oh she has a lot of hair. It was a very strange feeling. When I finally held her for the first time (quite a few hours later) It was the same as holding Damien the first time. Instantly in love. I am so happy now that I have my DD and can't believe I even was upset for a second. So I wouldn't say to much once she has the baby she will fall in love

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

Message edited 8/8/2008 3:03:57 PM.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

If she was a very good friend of mine I would try to make her feel better and try to understand what she may be going thru, everyone has different expectations for themselves and their lives and maybe its hard for her to not have her vision of having a girl become a reality.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

Um, in the position that I'm in (experiencing the trauma of secondary infertility), someone would literally have to hold me back from slapping her upside the head. No offense to anyone... but seriously, just HAVING a healthy baby is a blessing in and of itself.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

I really don't think anyone should judge what anyone else wants. It is clearly important to your friend, how is fighting her on it going to help her or your friendship.

I also think that there are many men who want a boy and people are OK with that. A woman wants a little girl and she is told the be grateful just to have a baby.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

In my mind I might question their use of the term "devastated," but I would never tell someone what she should do or how she should feel. Her feelings are hers--I would just be there to listen.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

I think so much is put into the sex of the baby.

Who cares???????????

I feel the same way about finding out the sex

Who cares?????????????

Its a baby. baby boy or baby girl, equal, you will love them.

When you sit back and think about every little detail that has to come together to produce a baby, it all sounds silly.

Exciting news to me at Level 2 was that brain, liver, kidneys, lungs seemed to be fine.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

I am actually surprised people feel this way. Just knowing how I felt when I held DS for the first time, I KNOW I will love whetever sex child I have in the future if I am ever blessed with another. I come from a family of tons and tons of boys, and everyone kind of wanted a girl when I got preggo (including me)...but I could never say it was "devestating" when I found out it was a boy. and now well.......I would want nothing else

Maybe remind your friend of how much she loved DS #1 that first day, and that no doubt she will have those same feelings again for #2.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

I think it is normal to feel disappointment if you were hoping for one sex over another. I think crying may be a bit extreme but I can understand feeling of disappointment. I would not say anything really

I know DH wants a boy IF we are blessed with another baby. I REALLY want a girl as I know what to expect and I want my dd to have a sister.

I will be happy with either but I would RATHER have a girl, there is nothing wrong with that IMHO

Dissappointment in gender does not = being ungrateful to me

ETA - and of course I would love the boy if I were to have one as much as I love dd.

Message edited 8/8/2008 3:29:05 PM.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

I can understand it to an extent. As long as they get over it pretty quickly and it's not something insane like terminating because of the sex, it generally doesn't bother me.

My SIL is going through this. She's having her second and hoped it would be another girl. She's a girly girl, her first born is a girly girl and she thought it would be nice for sisters to grow up together (my SIL has 3 sisters of her own as well). She's having a boy. I don't REALLY think that she's so upset that she's not going to fall in love the second she sees him, I think it's more like she had a vision in her head of what life would be like and now she just has to change that vision.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

Hmmm that's a tough one. I can understand gender disappointment but I'm not sure I see getting so upset that you need to be consoled. Disappointment is one thing, hysterics over it is another.

I'm not going to lie. I wanted a boy because this is most likely it for DH and I and I am beyond thrilled it is a boy but I can't see myself crying and needed to be consoled if it had been a girl. I had already prepared myself for having two girls and instead of being disappointed I just thought of all the positives about having two girls. I also do try stop a minute and think about 1. most important is having a healthy baby beyond anything and 2. there are so many people in this world that want a baby, any baby so I really need to be grateful that I have been blessed to get pregnant with children of my own.
I think whoever this person is needs to stop a minute and put it all in perspective. Yes it's OK to have personal disappointment but you have to just move on from it and be grateful for the blessing of a healthy baby, no matter what the sex.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

I can understand where she is coming from though. I have in my head what I want #2 to be but if it doesnt happen I wouldnt get hysterical about it.

I would just try to gently remind her that although it's not the sex she had planned on she'll love him/her no matter what.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

I really would like another boy but whatever it is it is. I wouldn't be devastated but I can sort of see where she is coming from. I would just console her and be there for her as a friend. I don't think you have to say much.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

I think she's entitled to her feelings. I wouldn't really say much to her, I would just try some positive spins on having 2 of the same sex because to be that "devastated" about it seems a little much, IMO.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

My dear friend found out she was having her 4th boy. Was she secretly disappointed? yes. Did she confide in me? yes. Did she cry a little? yes. Is she over it? YES!!!!!

I was there for her and I listen to her feelings. She is entiltled to feel the way she does even though she is able to get pg. she still has felings. She vented for a short amount of time and then quickly got over it. Her 4th boy is her little man. Just like any other mother would say, she wouldn't be complete with out him.

what she says to me now is ...there are always grandaughters!

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

I'll say it because I've seen it all too much lately. It is BS to tell someone to buck up & be grateful because other people are having a hard time in their life. Yes there are plenty of people out there that can't have children. There are plenty of people out there that struggle every day. Just because someone is INITIALLY disappointed in the sex of their baby, it is BS to say they aren't grateful.

Just as it is bull5hit to say someone who is complaining & whining about morning sickness should be grateful they are pregnant. You shouldn't complain about your MIL being so far up your azz because you're lucky she's involved in your child's life. We complain. All of us. Some A LOT more than others. It does not mean that I love my son or daughter any less because I am tired of stepping on or picking up toys.

IT is disgusting to me for people to say how others should be grateful because of their own personal plight. There is not a finite number of babies coming in this world & someone else who would gladly take a girl isn't getting one because your friend had one.

Being upset over having another boy does not mean she will not love, adore & be absolutely thrilled with her baby boy. All it means is...cr@p I really wished for a girl & I"m a bit in shock. If later on as the boy grows older, she's whining that she wished her son was a girl & not a boy, then you can bring her over to me & I'll personally slap her for you.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

Whew! Put away the flames ladies... would I actually smack someone upside the head? No. Would I expect her friend to? No. Am I particularly sensitive to this issue? Yes, and because of that, if one of my friends cried to me because she was upset over the gender of her child, yes, I would *kindly* remind her that she has much to be grateful for. I've had it said to me many a time, and you know what? Everytime it is said to me, it's true. Sometimes it does help to have a friend take you by the hand and gently nudge you to see the bigger picture.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

I can understand someones dissapointment for about 5 minutes, fine. But to sit and cry over it, never. I really don't have patience for that. In my eyes every child, boy or girl is a blessing. All we should really be concerned with at the end of the day is that the baby is healthy. I have 2 DD and will find out next week what #3 is. My DH has already began planning as if it is a girl. 3 girls would be wonderful, 3 healthy girls jackpot! People ALWAYS say praying for a boy? I always answer with praying for a healthy baby.

Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.

To be honest, if and when we have another child, I am secretly hoping for another girl. I have my reasons for it. I love being a girl mom. I love all the girly little things. I love seeing my DH with my daughter. I want my daughter to have a sister, because I have 4 sisters and I know how much of a bond there is there. We have so many girl items/supplies already. And I just feel like we're a girl family. It's familiar and I don't know what it would be like to have a boy.

So I have to say that if I was PG and found out I was having a boy, there would probably be a few moments of disappointment.

But I have no doubt in my mind that we'd love the child, reguardless. I'd probably fall so in love so fast that those feelings would be gone within minutes or seconds.

Being a mom is crazy. You have so many preconcieved notions, so many expectations, and so many emotions. We can't predict how we'd feel in a given situation really, we won't know how we'll react and feel until the moment happens.

I think if my friend were going through this I'd try and be supportive of their feelings, and would gently point out the good qualities, as someone above also suggested.