What are your thoughts on friends ttc at the same time?

I have a friend that would like to ttc around the same time. We have been friends forever and are very close but I can't help but feel added pressure/competition from this. We each have 1 dc so far, they are 4 years apart. She has said that she would like our next children to be close in age since her children will not have any 1st cousins. Am I being ridiculous or is this crazy? I mean we can't possibly control this process and I feel like someone is bound to be hurt if it happens faster for one of us. I haven't told her that we have already started ttc either. I just feel like that is too personal.
What do you think?

Re: What are your thoughts on friends ttc at the same time?

I actually think it's nice. It's so great to have close friends with children around the same age! I think that after the first year or so, the age gap closes, so if they are months or even one year apart they will still play well together! I don't think it's practical to think you will both get pregnant the same month, but maybe the same year. I can see how it could put pressure on you both, but as long as you both have the same attitude about it, it could be nice!

Re: What are your thoughts on friends ttc at the same time?

I see it both ways. I really think it depends on the person.

A very good friend was TTC when I first started and I was so scared that I would get a BFP before her because she had been trying for a while and I didn't want her to feel bad. She got her BFP when I first started trying and I was so excited for her that I nearly cried at work -- not the tiniest bit of jealousy, slight relief that she got pregnant before I did, but pure happiness. I got pregnant about a month later and really hope my BFP sticks but an added bonus is that we would be pregnant together

With others I don't know as well, I did feel jealousy and competition, even before I was TTC! I also found that having someone on the same CD as me made me really anxious and I always felt like I had to "keep up" and it made it really rough on me when I had a long cycle while everyone around me was having 2ww or "normal" cycles.

I also got married long before my other friends and secretly was hoping to be the first to have a baby. I feel horrible saying that, but it was in the back of my mind...

Message edited 12/20/2010 3:29:35 PM.

Re: What are your thoughts on friends ttc at the same time?

I agree with Shelleybean that it could be nice as long as you both go in with realistic expectations and know that you probably won't get pg at the same time, but maybe close enough.

Right now, we don't have any friends with babies and are the only ones TTC (that I know of). I am excited to have a LO, but also think it would be nice if I was going through this process with a friend or at least had friends that already went through this and have a baby. It would be nice to have someone that can relate.

Re: What are your thoughts on friends ttc at the same time?

i didnt tell anyone we were ttc...

i found out my cousin was pregg, the next day i found out i was pregg, 3 days later i found out a friend was pregg... the other two are still pregg and doing well... unfortunately im not...

the only reason anyone knows now when we will start trying again is because they all know that i had to wait 3 months...

otherwise i wouldnt tell anyone... i get enough support on here... and yes it would absolutely feel like a competition... thats the last thing i need.

Message edited 12/20/2010 3:32:54 PM.

Re: What are your thoughts on friends ttc at the same time?

I think it's nice.

I have a good friend IRL who was TTC while i was TTC. We never once saw it as a competition. It was more of a support thing. If anyone understood the BFN's it was her!! and vice versa. i don't think I ever felt like we were trying to control the process... having us both in the process we both innately understood that it will happen when it happens for either of us and that it might not even happen at the same time for us.
I think in a way it made us bond over something.

I got a BFP first... in October. She was very very happy for me... and always asked how things were going and how i was feeling. She even asked for sono pics and stuff. Had she gotten her BFP first, I would have been the same way. She just recently got a BFP... about a week ago. I'm more than happy for her!!!

overall I really liked TTC with a close friend... and I think if you are lucky enough to be pregnant for any of the 9 months together... it will be a really nice time too... and if your kids are close in age... that's sweet too. Remember the kids don't even have to be born in the same year to be close in age... they could be a year or more apart and they will still be able to play together. I don't think she means it the way you might be taking it.


Good Luck with the TTC process.

Re: What are your thoughts on friends ttc at the same time?

My brother and SIL started trying last month, we started trying this month.

It just happened that way, we were both ready.

I will feel bad if I get pregnant first honestly. I will not feel bad if she gets pregnant first--but if as time goes by we have trouble for some reason I would imagine I would feel bad...but also I am so excited for my first niece or nephew so I guess we will see.

I would LOVE to have our kids close in age bc we are very close to my brother and SIL and it would be nice to raise them together. At the time as Shelley said even if they are months or a year apart as they get older they WILL be close. My cousin and I are 2.5 yrs apart and we grew up very close.

Message edited 12/20/2010 3:33:05 PM.

Re: What are your thoughts on friends ttc at the same time?

Re: What are your thoughts on friends ttc at the same time?

with my real girlfriends i would love it - maybe not so much the ttc part (especially now after a loss) but to be pregnant and have kids around the same time i think it would be great and a lot of fun...

i was pregnant with my SIL for a short time. i was due a week before her. it stressed me and my husband out so bad - it was horrible. there was so much bs in those few weeks that i think it could have possibly contributed to my miscarriage...i felt like i was under so much pressure. i was so afraid of the comparison (between our pregnancies, even more so between the babies) and i felt this pressure to have this perfect pregnancy and baby. her being pregnant made me so afraid of losing my baby for some reason (i kept saying to DH what if something happens and one of us loses the baby and we're due the same week) and then i did. everything was an issue - who tells first, will inlaws come for the birth of our first or stay in NY with SIL? add in that my inlaws didn't help the situation - they fueled the fire with their stupid comments (for example, i want a granddaughter with blue eyes - talk about pressure!) and other petty things that really ****** me off when i was in such a horomonal state...even comments were made to my Mom that didn't go over well....with the right kind of family it could be fun but with my DH's family it was not

my best friend - i would love to be pregnant with her. but other than my close friends no thank you

i'm already dealing with losing a baby and having to deal with my SIL being due the same week my baby was supposed to arrive. i don't ever want to deal with anything like this ever again. so in a way i am hoping nobody i know (well family/peolpe that i am close to and have to deal with on a regular basis) are pregnant the same time i am next go at it....but i think i feel that way more because of the loss...

Message edited 12/20/2010 4:04:49 PM.

Re: What are your thoughts on friends ttc at the same time?

my best friend and i had wanted to do this- she is actually pg now at the exact same time i was last year!

i think it depends on how you feel personally though :)

I know a friend who got preggo and another got preggo right after and she feels a little resentment- but again its all about your feelings...

Re: What are your thoughts on friends ttc at the same time?

Re: What are your thoughts on friends ttc at the same time?

Thanks ladies

I love the idea of having kids close in age but I think maybe it's what my friend has said so far that has me a bit worried. She has made it seem like a race to the finish line and I really don't want that. In part why I haven't told her that we have started ttc. I guess we will just see what happens.

Re: What are your thoughts on friends ttc at the same time?

Posted by readyfor2

Thanks ladies

I love the idea of having kids close in age but I think maybe it's what my friend has said so far that has me a bit worried. She has made it seem like a race to the finish line and I really don't want that. In part why I haven't told her that we have started ttc. I guess we will just see what happens.

Re: What are your thoughts on friends ttc at the same time?

I think it's nice but someone will def get hurt/frustrated if the other one gets preggo first and it's not happening as quick as it is for the other. I don't have that going on right now but if I did I think it would be cool to be preggo with a friend.