Warning.....long vent-----UPDATE FROM BAD TO WORSE

I really don’t think I am a strong enough person to do this month after month. I got AF this morning. This was my 1st round of IUI’s. I am sitting on the train crying and am so angry. The thought of having to get up at 5:30am in another 12 days so I can get stuck with a needle each morning and start another month only to be disappointed again is almost too much to deal with.

I know that the 1st month is the worst and it will get easier. I don't want it to get easier, bc then I am just accepting this.

DH’s friend’s wife is a miserable, nasty, b!tch who gets pregnant every time she opens her legs. She’s prego w/ child #3. A former friend of mine who now does drugs has a beautiful 7-year old daughter who she abandoned and never sees. She never wanted kids. She’s prego w/ #2. I hate both of these women. How many people have we seen on the TTC board who post that they are going off BCP 1 month and then post that they got BFP the next? How is this fair? DH’s friend does all kinds of drugs. I’m pretty much waiting for his GF to get prego. When that happens, I will start doing drugs too…maybe that will help.

DH and I bought a house this week. It has 6 BR’s. I guess we should cancel the contract and stay in our 1BR apt bc we’ll never need those other bedrooms. DH said this morning that getting 1 out of 2 isn’t bad (meaning, we got the house this week but not the baby). Why can’t I have both?

To my family and friends who keep telling me that they can’t wait until I call them tomorrow to tell them I’m prego….keep waiting. Don’t call, text or email me bc I have nothing to say. Maybe now you’ll believe that DH and I actually have a problem and aren’t over-reacting by going to a fertility doctor.

I know that so many of you have been through so much more, but you really must be such stronger people than I am.




Ok, now we're not getting our house either. There was an issue with DH's verifiable income. So now we're 0 for 2 today.

Message edited 3/19/2009 3:37:26 PM.

Re: Warning.....long "woe is me" vent

Ah, Im so sorry. All I can do is
and tell you not to give up. This positive and it will happen.
Everything will work out. Im so sorry your

Re: Warning.....long "woe is me" vent

Okay, well...you need to have the "woe is me" vent. We all need it. Don't be too hard on yourself, the first month out is definitely the worst. Believe me.

And also, you have no idea just how strong you are. Right now you are beside yourself because you took the step, you went to the RE and thought that the first cycle would be the answer to all your prayers, when in reality that is not, nor will it be the case. I'm hoping for you that you're able to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get on the horse again for that next cycle. Just think about how much it will be worth. Just look for the light at the end of the tunnel and FOCUS on it Because THAT is what is going to get you through.

And please, by all means, do yourself a favor and DO NOT tell friends/family when you're cycling. You will be MUCH better off. Its so much easier to deal with the failures on your own with DH then to have to share it with all your friends and family. To have to constantly say "nope, didn't happen" over and over again is torture. Believe me, I learned the hard way. I don't even tell anyone the BOARD anymore when I'm cycling. Its just easier that way.

And congratulations on the purchase of your house. Please try to be as excited as possible for it...you WILL fill those rooms, please try to believe that.

Come here ANY TIME and vent away. Its what we're here for

Re: Warning.....long "woe is me" vent

Skinny I feel how you feel all the time It does get easier though. I agree with Lauren too.....you have no idea how strong you really can be.

Re: Warning.....long "woe is me" vent

I know how you feel and we ALL have been there! IF falls into the "life is not fair" category. And even though you know that, it doesn't make it any easier and you are allowed to vent, cry, and have a pity party!!

But you will be surprised at how strong you are! And all of the annoying stuff - the early appointments, the needles, the side effects of the drugs, etc. - it just becomes second nature.

Everytime I get up really early for monitoring or stick myself with a needle, I tell myself that it will all be worth it in the end.

We are all here for you

Re: Warning.....long "woe is me" vent

I think the first month is the hardest, because like PP said- you finally take that first step to see the RE, and you have the highest hopes ever that THIS will be it. ALL it will take is that first IUI or that first round of Clomid. Then, when it doesn't happen- it is almost a shock- like- wow, this is gonna take some time...

I know you said that you don't think you are strong enough- but you will be surprised how much you can handle. Once you get over the initial sadness- you will want that baby even more than before and start all over again. You will do what it takes to make that dream come true if that is what you want.

It never really gets easier as time goes by- I think you just learn to handle it a little better.

Re: Warning.....long "woe is me" vent

As PP have said - you are stronger than you think and the strength is there to continue on. It is hard, esp. that first one - you think - this is it the prayer I've been waiting for and when it doesn't happen but others around you keep getting preggo - you get angry and see how unfair it is. You need to vent, that's good - but you'll pick yourself up soon, when you're ready and we'll all help you through it. It is a hard, hard journey. I was actually just thinking this morning, as I'm in the 2ww, how I can't believe how strong I am, that each month that I think I can't do it again, somewhere the strength comes again. I also have to agree with the PP, maybe don't tell family/friends when you're cycling. I didn't for my first and it helped but then when I felt I needed someone, I told them on an as needed basis for myself. Sending you lots of Hang in there!

Re: Warning.....long "woe is me" vent

I'm so sorry, I cannot even begin to imagine. I hope today goes incredibly fast for you!

Re: Warning.....long "woe is me" vent

The first month is by far the worst. It's like getting the actual cut as opposed to ripping open the scab. You ARE very strong and will grow stronger each month on your IF journey, no matter how short or long it is.
I'm sorry you're going thru this- I'm sorry we all are. But that being said I hope that you look to us for comfort and to vent because I can't think of a better group of women to have in my corner.
Tons of for you for next time!
ETA: I was thinking about your 'accepting this' comment... unfortunately there are things in this world that are out of our control.... and this is one of those things. Accepting it is the smart thing to do (IMO)- because it can take the self guilt off of yourself (well most of the time anyway ) .... and you can step back and know that you are actively seeking out the issue(s) and trying to correct it/them. IMO it's the ppl who don't want to admit/accept that there's a problem who are the ones who are doing themselves a dis-service.

Message edited 3/19/2009 11:11:05 AM.

Re: Warning.....long "woe is me" vent

Oh, I'm sooooo sorry. I was really hoping that one of us would have gotten lucky this month!

It is hard and unfair and there's nothing we can do about it except keep going and praying. You will fill those rooms. We got a 4 bedroom house in 2007 and I've been kicking myself thinking we should have just stayed in our co-op since there was no need to have all this space. BUT, we love our life here, being close to family, our neighbors, backyard, BBQ'ing. Just enjoy your new home and know that one day those rooms will be filled!

Re: Warning.....long "woe is me" vent

I'm sorry- like PP have said, we understand how you feel, we've been there. Sometimes you just have to vent and get it all out so you don't carry it around.

When I get into the "woe is me" mode, I pray for strength- strength to accept whatever life hands me... and it's so hard...

Re: Warning.....long "woe is me" vent

It's so hard, I know, the disappointment and trying to stay positive. Everybody has days like this, it's ok.

Re: Warning.....long "woe is me" vent

Thanks every1 for all of your support today. Honestly, I wouldn't have made it through the day without u guys.

Just talked to the dr's office and will be there Sat at 8am for CD3 blood. Ummmm...great. Here we go again.

Re: Warning.....long "woe is me" vent

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. But don't feel bad that you do. We all have the right to have our moments.
As far as your family goes. Respond to them when you want to. If you don't want to pick up the call then don't. Call, text email when you are ready to do so.

Re: Warning.....long "woe is me" vent

First

Now, reach really, really deep and stay stong. I know you can do it.

It's the only way to get thru this.

Re: Warning.....long vent-----FROM BAD TO WORSE

bump for info that shows this is one of the worst days ever

Re: Warning.....long vent-----UPDATE FROM BAD TO WORSE

Let this be the WORST day... then things can only get better.

Re: Warning.....long vent-----UPDATE FROM BAD TO WORSE

Re: Warning.....long vent-----UPDATE FROM BAD TO WORSE

I am really sorry, you are definitely having a tough day. Do not give up!
I have gone through so many of these challenges and you really just need to keep pushing forward. You will get stronger than you ever knew you could be. Believe me.
I hope everything works out for you.
When we were looking to buy a place a few deals fell through and today we feel so fortunate they did, otherwise we wouldn't have found the house we are in now.

Re: Warning.....long vent-----UPDATE FROM BAD TO WORSE

Posted by LaurenExp

Okay, well...you need to have the "woe is me" vent. We all need it. Don't be too hard on yourself, the first month out is definitely the worst. Believe me.

And also, you have no idea just how strong you are. Right now you are beside yourself because you took the step, you went to the RE and thought that the first cycle would be the answer to all your prayers, when in reality that is not, nor will it be the case. I'm hoping for you that you're able to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get on the horse again for that next cycle. Just think about how much it will be worth. Just look for the light at the end of the tunnel and FOCUS on it Because THAT is what is going to get you through.

And please, by all means, do yourself a favor and DO NOT tell friends/family when you're cycling. You will be MUCH better off. Its so much easier to deal with the failures on your own with DH then to have to share it with all your friends and family. To have to constantly say "nope, didn't happen" over and over again is torture. Believe me, I learned the hard way. I don't even tell anyone the BOARD anymore when I'm cycling. Its just easier that way.

And congratulations on the purchase of your house. Please try to be as excited as possible for it...you WILL fill those rooms, please try to believe that.

Come here ANY TIME and vent away. Its what we're here for

Re: Warning.....long vent-----UPDATE FROM BAD TO WORSE

Wow, I am so sorry you all of this piled up on one day! Like PP said, going to the RE, identifying and "fixing" the problem and still getting that first BFN is so hard. You will find the strength (I said I was done after my first BFN and here I am 8 medicated cycles later) to go on, it will get somewhat easier and you can feel free to vent here anytime!!
Here's to a better tomorrow!

Re: Warning.....long vent-----UPDATE FROM BAD TO WORSE

I'm so sorry to hear that your day went from bad to worse

Tomorrow is a new day

Re: Warning.....long vent-----UPDATE FROM BAD TO WORSE

I am so sorry. Here is to looking forward

Re: Warning.....long vent-----UPDATE FROM BAD TO WORSE

Oh nnnooooooo. I am so so sorry to hear this